That Whole Bathroom Thing

The issue of who can use which bathroom has created a firestorm of emotional commentary, and what appears to me to be crazy accusations.

On the one hand, I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of people actually making physical changes in their bodies to conform to the gender they believe themselves to be in their minds.  In some of these cases, the gender confusion is probably the result of outside influences.  In others, there is apparently innate and genuine confusion.  I don’t believe that allowing a person to alter their body before they are a mature adult is wise.  Emerging sexuality sometimes comes with confusion.  This is probably more common today with all of the sexual influences and pressures our society imposes.

I believe that homosexual activity is morally wrong.  I do believe the Bible when it lists this among sins.  However, there is no reason to believe that this is the greatest sin.  There is no reason to believe that homosexual orientation is sinful, if it does not include homosexual conduct.  Heterosexual conduct outside of marriage is equally a sin, if one believes the Bible.

So, we have here a very messy and complex issue.  A person who is biologically female may be attracted to other females.  At the same time, she may believe herself to be either male or female.  A person who is biologically male may be attracted to other males.  He may believe himself to be either male or female.  A person may be attracted to the opposite of their biological gender and involved in a heterosexual relationship that is sinful for a variety of reasons.

None of this has anything to do with use of the bathroom!  I have seen women go into the men’s room, because the line was shorter.  They may get funny looks, but if they are desperate, they ignore them.

I personally know someone who is biologically female, but very masculine in her mannerisms and in the way she dresses.  She has had the experience of asking for a public restroom key and has been handed the key to the men’s room.  This made her very uncomfortable.  On the other hand, she has told me that she is uncomfortable going into a women’s shower room.

All of this inward confusion, does NOT make a person a sexual predator.  They may be confused, but they are not necessarily dangerous.  How a person dresses or how they “identify” is not the problem.  There are, and always have been, perverted people in this world, who want to force themselves sexually on vulnerable individuals.  It has always been a possibility that a man would dress up like a woman, slip into the ladies’ rest room and lurk about looking for a child or other person weaker than himself.  This did not begin with the new bathroom rules.

A parent should not allow a child of either gender to go into a public restroom alone.  When we were out in public as a family, I always went into the restroom with our young daughters, and my husband always accompanied our son.  On the occasions when I traveled alone with our son, I would instruct him before he went in the restroom.  I would say that I was going to be right outside the restroom door, and that if anyone bothered him, I would not hesitate to come in.  I would say to him, “I am a nurse and have seen pretty much everything.  I have had to go into men’s rooms before to assist male patients.  I am NOT afraid to come in there.”  Then I would stand right outside the door and make eye contact with men entering, so that they knew I was paying attention.  Of course, now there are many places with family restrooms which avoids this problem.  But in situations where they are not available, parents need to accept this responsibility.  It may interrupt your meal or your pleasant conversation with someone, but your child’s safety is more important.

We live in a sin-sick society.  We may want to believe that people who are gender confused are somehow “bad” or worse than we are, but the truth is that we are ALL sinners in need of a Savior who is also a Healer.  Every person is precious in His sight and needs to be treated with compassion.  Put yourself in the shoes of the gender confused person who probably doesn’t really feel comfortable in either restroom.  Relieving oneself should be a non-event, not a gut wrenching crisis.

Appointment in the Produce Department

I got myself ready for the day in pretty leisurely fashion this morning.  I spent quite a bit of time sitting and staring into space pondering my current existence and what may be coming in the next decade.  What am I supposed to be doing with the rest of my life?  Do we stay here or move to a senior community?  Do I keep trying to write?  How many rejections do I tolerate before I decide I have no potential as a writer?  Should I involve myself in something more in the community?  I don’t want to waste my remaining years on myself.  I would like to do something productive that is helpful to others.  I want to fit into God’s plan for me.

Part of this reverie occurred while I was in the tub.  As the water got cold, I came around to the fact that I had probably spent too much time in this lollygagging, and needed to commence with life.  I scolded myself a bit for wasting time.

Eventually I headed for the grocery store.  After passing the specials on the way in, I went to the produce department, and there, in a case of split second timing, I ran into the reason why my life was timed the way it was this morning.  A dear friend was coming toward me with tears in her eyes.  Had I spent more or less time in contemplation this morning, I would not have run into her, and she needed to talk.  She needed someone to listen, to understand, to encourage, to say “I love you, friend.”

I don’t know what I am supposed to do with the next decade….if I have a decade left.  But, I do know I was supposed to be in the produce department at exactly that time.

Last week, I ran into an acquaintance near the gas pumps at a convenience store.  He brought up the political scene and after we chatted for a few minutes, I told him that I was consoled by the fact that God is sovereign.  He said, “You still believe that!!!”  Yes, I do.  I believe that God allows people to come into positions of power and leadership, because it suits His purposes.  We may not understand, but we do not have God’s mind and don’t know His plan for bringing about His kingdom.  He will accomplish His purposes in the world…and He will get me to the “appointments” He has ordained for me. 

God sees the big picture and the smallest of details.

Off His Meds?

I recently was at a large public gathering at the finish line of a relay race.  There were thousands of people milling around….runners who had finished, family and friends who were cheering runners on, officials, and vendors.  The scene was pretty chaotic.

I wonder how many people were aware of a young man in a rust colored jacket, purple scarf and dark-colored ball cap.  He walked hurriedly through the crowd all over the venue.  Sometimes he walked away from the group on a raised sidewalk along the lakefront.  More than once, he hurried toward the lake front as though he might jump in, but stopped at the very edge.  The constant activity of the group seemed to agitate him.

From a distance, I could see him talking, and I thought it might be on a cell phone.  However, I was close enough on multiple occasions to realize that he wasn’t on a cell phone.  He would say something in a high squeaky voice, and then answer himself in a low growling voice.

Once I had noticed him, I couldn’t help but look for him and check on what he was doing.  I saw absolutely no security at this event.  I suspect that the majority of the time a schizophrenic off his meds is harmful only to himself.  But, we have all read of other cases when a psychotic episode has resulted in harm to others.  Maybe he is one of the “public characters” in that small city and was known to the officials and viewed as harmless.  But, his frantic activity made me ill-at-ease.

I do not know what the solution is to the mental health crisis that is obvious in our society.  Closing institutions and supposedly integrating the mentally ill into society has not worked very well.  It has increased homelessness, and jails are full of psychiatric cases which guards are not properly trained to handle.  Having spent 3 months of my time in nursing school at a truly dreadful psychiatric institution, I can attest that institutionalization is a nightmare too.  One of the wards we were assigned to as students had no head nurse.  The aides were so sadistic and unmanageable that they could not get a nurse to stay there.

Having a family member with mental health issues has made me aware that the mental health care system is difficult to access and that once accessed there are barriers to receiving continuity of care.

The young man in the rust colored jacket may have been off his meds, but he appeared clean and neat, so someone must be watching out for him.  There are many for whom that is not the case.

Fallen Sparrow

I worked in the backyard today, doing some raking and spring clean-up.  We have three large cedar trees in the yard, and in an attempt to keep the lower branches from being eaten during the winter by the local deer, we put wire fencing around them in the fall and remove it in the spring.  My husband is currently out of town and hasn’t had a chance to remove the wire fencing yet, so I could only rake up to the fencing.  I couldn’t get under the trees.

As I raked near one of the cedars, something caught my eye, and I examined it more closely.  The wire fencing was more than long enough to go around one of the trees, so my husband had left the extra fencing on end and coiled up inside the fencing that encircled the tree.  I saw the body of a tiny sparrow stuck in that tube of wire fence.  The poor little thing was long dead.  If it had been alive, I suppose I would have tried to figure out how to get it out of there.  Although, putting the fencing up and taking it down is not a task I have ever tried to do.

I felt sad to think that the sparrow had probably died slowly, trapped, unable to free itself.  Of course, it was only a little sparrow, but…..

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of Your Father.  Matthew 10:29

I did not see the struggle of that sparrow.  But, God did.

Matthew 10:30-31 goes on to say…And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.

It is not possible for the human mind to comprehend the mind of God.  I suppose that is one reason atheists believe he isn’t there.  How can a mind be so large that it encompasses the universe, sees every sparrow that falls, and knows when we brush our hair and a few pieces come out in the process?  If he knows that trivia, he certainly knows about events in the political scene, is aware of the disasters that befall groups of people, and sees our personal joys and sorrows.

Some people refuse to believe this.

Some believe it and are angry with God for allowing the bad things that happen….although, they don’t necessarily thank him for the good.

I want to be among those who are grateful and in absolute awe.

What Really Happened at the Kasich Town Hall

I attended a John Kasich Town Hall in Watertown, NY on April 15^th and heard every word the man said.  After a presentation about his personal background and policies he has seen work successfully during his times in the House of Representatives and as Governor of Ohio, he took questions from the floor.

In response to a young woman’s question regarding sexual harassment and attacks on college campuses, he gave a lengthy answer on policies which should be in place to protect young women and deal with them correctly and compassionately if they do have such an experience.  At no time did he say anything that any reasonable person would construe as blaming the victim.  He mentioned his own daughters going away to college soon and gave the bit of fatherly advice that a young woman should avoid a party where there is a lot of alcohol.

Sooooooooooo……out of ALL the things about this topic and others that he addressed, guess what is being headlined by social media? 

KASICH IN WATERTOWN ADVISES WOMEN TO AVOID PARTIES WHERE THERE IS A LOT OF ALCOHOL

This has caused all manner of nasty comments by people who were NOT there and assume this was a focus of his remarks.  It has been twisted into “he blames the victim.”

This actually does not surprise me at all.  I have been astounded through the years at the way the media influences how the populace thinks.  Many times when I have attended or been an active participant in a meeting later reported on by the media, I have seen this phenomenon.  The reporter will seize on one small element of the meeting which can be blown up into something inflammatory, or he/she will have a preconceived notion of what they want to report on and squeeze the content of the meeting into the desired mold.

To be fair, the local television station did more of a summary and did not mention this issue at all in their initial broadcasted comments.  The madness occurred on social media where news fragments are spread ever so much more quickly.

Of course, Kasich’s advice is actually sound.  When alcohol flows freely, bad things happen. 

No sober man should take advantage of a drunk woman.  But a drunk women is pretty stupid if she expects a drunk man to be more responsible for his actions than she is for hers.

So, it makes my blood boil that the media grabs attention by perversion of truth.

And

It makes my blood boil when women want equality, but implement it with stupidity.

Where is My Car?

Today I spent some time wandering around the mall parking lot wondering where on earth I had parked my car.  Part of my problem was a bit of disorientation, because I had come out a different door than I had entered, but that isn’t really my excuse.  I don’t normally get disoriented by these slight changes.

As I wandered around, and after finally finding it, I was pondering all of the things I actually do remember.  How can I remember these things, and not remember where I left my car about 30 minutes ago?

I remember my childhood address and phone number, numerous phone numbers that are currently valid, my social security number, my present address and most fortunately, my name.  Although I was in high school 55 years ago, I still know the beginning of Caesar’s Commentary on the Gallic Wars…in Latin!  I can still tutor a high school student in algebra, geometry and trig.  From the security and zero-pressure area of my living room, I can come up with answers to many, many Jeopardy questions.

But….I don’t know where my car is parked!

Perhaps I was distracted by the fact that I had earlier forgotten my wallet.  I arrived at the first stop on my list of errands, reached into my purse to get the wallet and pay…and….no wallet!  Then I remembered that I had more cash in my wallet than I normally carry, so just before leaving home, I took out my wallet, removed some of the cash, and put it in a safe place.  Apparently putting the wallet back into the purse wasn’t part of the routine.   ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!  I had to drive all the way back home, retrieve the wallet, and start over.

I related my woes to Bill, and he asked me why I didn’t just push the horn button on the key chain.  Well, then everyone would have known I couldn’t find my car!

Jesus Washes Me White as Sand

Come now, let us reason together says the Lord, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.  Isaiah 1:18

The brilliant whiteness of snow is used to portray purity in the Bible.  Our sins stain us, but the sacrifice of Jesus can cleanse us and make us so clean that no telltale spot of our sin remains.

While playing on the beach recently one of my granddaughters created a bit of art in the sand.  She wrote “Jesus Washes Me White as Sand.”  The beach did have rather white sand, and I would never criticize this fractured bit of scripture.  She has shown an understanding of the important concept behind the verse.  Before any of my children or grandchildren were born, I was already praying for them to grasp the meaning of these words in a very personal way…..in a way that would permeate every corner of their souls and lives.

Each of my children and grandchildren is unique.  Some are beautiful, some are highly intelligent, some are loaded with personality, some have a sunny disposition or an amazing sense of humor, and some have ambition or a specific talent.  I did not pray for any of those things to be true.  Before I ever had children I prayed that my children and their children would grow into people who would be totally committed to God and to His plan for their lives.  It is all I ever asked of Him.  I never felt concerned about having a child who might deviate from the norm, if only this was true of him or her.  I know God has done His part in revealing Himself to them.  It remains for each of them to do their part in allowing Him into their lives.

It remains for each of us as individuals to allow Him into our lives.