That Whole Bathroom Thing

The issue of who can use which bathroom has created a firestorm of emotional commentary, and what appears to me to be crazy accusations.

On the one hand, I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of people actually making physical changes in their bodies to conform to the gender they believe themselves to be in their minds.  In some of these cases, the gender confusion is probably the result of outside influences.  In others, there is apparently innate and genuine confusion.  I don’t believe that allowing a person to alter their body before they are a mature adult is wise.  Emerging sexuality sometimes comes with confusion.  This is probably more common today with all of the sexual influences and pressures our society imposes.

I believe that homosexual activity is morally wrong.  I do believe the Bible when it lists this among sins.  However, there is no reason to believe that this is the greatest sin.  There is no reason to believe that homosexual orientation is sinful, if it does not include homosexual conduct.  Heterosexual conduct outside of marriage is equally a sin, if one believes the Bible.

So, we have here a very messy and complex issue.  A person who is biologically female may be attracted to other females.  At the same time, she may believe herself to be either male or female.  A person who is biologically male may be attracted to other males.  He may believe himself to be either male or female.  A person may be attracted to the opposite of their biological gender and involved in a heterosexual relationship that is sinful for a variety of reasons.

None of this has anything to do with use of the bathroom!  I have seen women go into the men’s room, because the line was shorter.  They may get funny looks, but if they are desperate, they ignore them.

I personally know someone who is biologically female, but very masculine in her mannerisms and in the way she dresses.  She has had the experience of asking for a public restroom key and has been handed the key to the men’s room.  This made her very uncomfortable.  On the other hand, she has told me that she is uncomfortable going into a women’s shower room.

All of this inward confusion, does NOT make a person a sexual predator.  They may be confused, but they are not necessarily dangerous.  How a person dresses or how they “identify” is not the problem.  There are, and always have been, perverted people in this world, who want to force themselves sexually on vulnerable individuals.  It has always been a possibility that a man would dress up like a woman, slip into the ladies’ rest room and lurk about looking for a child or other person weaker than himself.  This did not begin with the new bathroom rules.

A parent should not allow a child of either gender to go into a public restroom alone.  When we were out in public as a family, I always went into the restroom with our young daughters, and my husband always accompanied our son.  On the occasions when I traveled alone with our son, I would instruct him before he went in the restroom.  I would say that I was going to be right outside the restroom door, and that if anyone bothered him, I would not hesitate to come in.  I would say to him, “I am a nurse and have seen pretty much everything.  I have had to go into men’s rooms before to assist male patients.  I am NOT afraid to come in there.”  Then I would stand right outside the door and make eye contact with men entering, so that they knew I was paying attention.  Of course, now there are many places with family restrooms which avoids this problem.  But in situations where they are not available, parents need to accept this responsibility.  It may interrupt your meal or your pleasant conversation with someone, but your child’s safety is more important.

We live in a sin-sick society.  We may want to believe that people who are gender confused are somehow “bad” or worse than we are, but the truth is that we are ALL sinners in need of a Savior who is also a Healer.  Every person is precious in His sight and needs to be treated with compassion.  Put yourself in the shoes of the gender confused person who probably doesn’t really feel comfortable in either restroom.  Relieving oneself should be a non-event, not a gut wrenching crisis.