Shades of Gray

I sat at the kitchen window this morning watching the visitors to the bird feeder.  Eventually, I got out the bird identification book.  A number of birds I saw were a combination of black, white and gray. My curiosity got the best of me.  What were they?  If one looked closely, it was clear that they were not all alike.  Markings, beak shape, tail length and patterns of movement were different.  I decided that I was seeing black-capped chickadees, nuthatches and juncos.


I sit looking out life's window at the world flying by.  People and situations which initially appear as combinations of "black, white and gray" need closer examination.  Who and what are they actually?  It isn't only curiosity that makes me ponder these questions....it is emotional survival.  What are their markings and what do they mean?


I pray for discernment.

Trachiniae by Sophocles

Deianeira was, as a young woman, very beautiful.  The river god Achelous, who sometimes appeared as a bull and other times as a snake, wished to marry her.  Heracles (in Rome known as Hercules) desired her also, and killed the river god in order to marry her himself. 


While she was crossing a river carried by a Centaur named Nessus, the Centaur attempted to violate her and was also killed by Heracles.  As he was dying, he told Deianeira to take some of his clotted blood.  From it she could make a potion which would cause Heracles to only love and be faithful to her.


Fast forward many years.  Deianeira is waiting for Heracles to return after an absence of 15 months.  She is apparently now at least middle-aged, as she has grown children.  Before Heracles enters the city, the spoils of war precede him.  Among them is a beautiful young woman who has been taken captive.  Deianeira pities her and is interested in her story.  Eventually she learns the truth that the girl Iole is the reason Heracles recently destroyed a city, and that he intends Iole to also be his wife.


Deianeira fakes acceptance of this, but then sends a robe to Heracles which she has treated with the potion given to her by Nessus many years earlier.  She gives instructions to the messenger to ask Heracles to wear it as he makes sacrifices to the gods.  Heracles complies.  The robe tightens around his body sucking the life out of him and causing agonizing pain.
  
Deianeira now realizes that the Centaur has tricked her.  Heracles will never look at another woman, because he won't be alive to do so.  The Centaur has reached out from the grave to extract his revenge.  Deianeira commits suicide.


Heracles begs his son to put him on a funeral pyre, even though he is still alive, and so end his misery.  He also makes his son promise that he will marry Iole.  His son Hyllus protests, but eventually gives in to his father's demands.  Hyllus exits chanting, No man foresees the future; but the present is fraught with mourning for us, and with shame for the powers above, and verily with anguish beyond compare for him who endures this doom.


Something tells me there is a sequel to this story....or there ought to be.


Also,  it isn't smart to believe what a Centaur tells you.


And, it is even less smart to replace your middle-aged wife with a young beauty.  Ever since I was a teenager, I have wondered how smart men can be so dumb when it comes to women.

Walking into the Wind

I checked the weather radar online when I got up this morning, and decided I could get in a walk between the forecasted rain showers. The day is cool and very windy, but I started out under blue skies with clouds in the distance.


Autumn is my favorite season.  I love the leaf colors...brilliant reds, oranges and yellows contrasted with dark evergreens.  I love the aroma of rain-soaked leaves and the sound of my feet swishing through them.  Although I try to push myself and keep up a brisk pace, I find myself distracted by the sights and sounds, and I lose focus on the intent to exercise.  Many homes in my area have lovely fall decorations or rather tawdry Halloween-y ones.  No matter, I enjoy the plastic pumpkins as much as the huge hardy mums.  


Over halfway through the 3 miles, I was greeted and passed by a young woman...probably half my age.  She strode by and left me in her dust.  I sighed, wishing I could keep up.  As I rounded a corner, she was still in sight.  I heard feet behind me.  Along came a jogging teenage girl...probably half the age of the young woman.  They were both still in sight when the teenager blew by the young woman.  I chuckled to myself.


I had an aunt who said to me once, "Youth is always beautiful."  I was young at the time and didn't quite understand.  Of course, I have also heard it said that "youth is wasted on the young."  


The last block home is uphill, and this morning, I was walking into a headwind. I wondered how much of a wind it would take to stop me in my tracks. I mused that I am also walking into the headwind of age.  Eventually that will stop me in my tracks, I suppose.  Meantime, I will enjoy the wind, the colors, the aromas, the sounds, and I will smile at those with the strength and energy of youth who leave me in their wake.

Electra by Sophocles

My own personal "Greek tragedies" have recently hindered me from reading the classic ones.  I read Electra some weeks ago, but didn't have the time to write about it, so today I skimmed through and refreshed my memory.


Electra is the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra.  Agamemnon was killed by Clytemnestra and her lover Aegisthus, who are now ruling in his place.  Chrysothemis who is Electra's sister has chosen to quietly accept this difficult situation.  Orestes, their brother, was spirited off to another country for his safety many years ago.  Electra cannot let go of the injustice that was done and spends her life in mourning very openly.  This is, of course, viewed as a display of defiance by Aegisthus and Clytemnestra, so she suffers hardship under them.


During the course of the story, Orestes returns grown-up and unrecognized.  He and his friend Pylades avenge Agamemnon's death by killing both Clytemnestra and Aegisthus.  The bulk of the play, however, is really about Electra's constant expression of grief and whether one should quietly accept ones circumstances or constantly rail against them.


When I was about 19, I went through a phase where I thought one should always express how one was actually feeling and not put on a good front to hide inner misery.  What I quickly discovered is that this approach is a slippery slope spiraling downward into the pit of despair.  Each expression of misery gives rise to deeper misery.  Conversely each expression of joy elevates ones spirit.  Showing interest in others can bolster a gloomy mood.  Looking for something positive or beautiful counteracts sorrow.


I am in favor of being honest, but I am not in favor of clinging to misery, since it usually makes a person non-functional too.  It is a rotten way to live.


Be advised to say no more; canst thou not see what conduct it is which already plunges thee so cruelly in self-made miseries?  Thou hast greatly aggravated thy troubles, ever breeding wars with thy sullen soul..."  (the chorus to Electra)


Go out and take a walk.  Observe the beauty of the world around you.
Listen to the laughter of playing children.
Lose yourself in a good book.
Play uplifting music.
Find a way to be helpful to someone else.
Clean something that is dirty enough that you can see the difference.


Stay off the slippery slope leading to the black pit of hopelessness!
Do not follow the example of Electra.

Commitment to Truth

How does one discern between conflicting statements....especially when neither party has demonstrated a commitment to truth previously?


I am caught in the middle.  How do I plot a course when I am not sure where the land-mines are located?   Two people are telling me with certainty that they know....but what they "know" overlaps only slightly.  I want to do what is "right," not just so that I can survive, but also for the sake of doing right.  


I know that God sees and knows all, and that He himself is the personification of truth.  But in this present era, He is not in the habit of sending a handwritten message or giving clear revelation through a vision.  I am desperately in need of the guidance of His Spirit...of the still, small voice that directs.


Today I am reading II Corinthians 13:7-8  Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong.  Not that people will see that we have stood the test, but that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed.  For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.


I pray that I will not do anything wrong.
I pray that I will stick to what is right even if it looks like I have failed.
I pray that I will act in accordance with the TRUTH....real truth, not human perspective.

Ten Dollars a Pack

One day recently, I was in the checkout lane at a grocery store, when I noticed an unopened pack of cigarettes on the floor.  I picked it up and started to hand it to a clerk, assuming it had fallen off the counter or a display rack.  The woman ahead of me in line turned and said that it was hers.  As I handed her the cigarettes, she said, "Thanks!  At ten dollars a pack, I really appreciate it."


I have no idea what kind of facial expression I was exhibiting, but she studied my face briefly and continued, "I bet it just about killed you to give those to me."


I never managed to formulate a reply.  She turned and continued writing her check.  She was, of course, right in thinking that I was sad to hand her those cigarettes. I had a lot on my mind at that point, but picking up that package snapped my mind into the present, and I felt a twinge of sadness.  Cigarettes are addictive.  People get hooked.  Cigarettes are a huge cause of health problems.  They are an enormous waste of money.  Even though I didn't know the woman, I could feel empathy and sorrow.  I have family members who smoke.  I love them and grieve.  I'm guessing she has family members who love her and wish she could kick the habit too.


I'm still thinking about that very brief encounter.  I wonder if she is.