What do I want to be When I Grow Up...Old

I have apparently never been good at planning my life.

When I was young, although I liked the idea of marriage and family, I thought it would not be the way my life went.  I saw two possibilities, neither of which required a man in my life.

Although I didn’t yet have a specific “call” to be a missionary, I was open to the idea and figured a “call” may yet be in my future.  Then I would be a missionary nurse living in a primitive culture and allowing my entire life to be absorbed in a ministry.

The other possibility I envisioned was a PhD in biochemistry, and a life dedicated to research.  I would live in a small apartment, work long hours, and be active in a local church.  I would sing in the choir and teach Sunday School.  That did not require a man either.

I had no clue that God had a delightful plan.  My parents said they were moving and asked my opinion.  I told them to do what they thought was best for them, as I would never be coming home to live.  I would be off in some other direction.  I never imagined that their move would put me in the path of the charming Bill Chapin with his twinkling blue eyes and commitment to accomplish God’s purposes for his own life.

For fifty-four years, we had a wonderful marriage and partnership.  We were engaged in and supportive of each other’s endeavors.  I assumed this would end with me dying first.  I pushed for us to move into the continuing care retirement community, because I thought he would be without me, and I wanted him to be safe and cared for.

I did NOT plan this part of my life.  I thought if I did by some chance lose him, I would be so old that I would be sitting in a chair in a nursing home.

I did not plan on a healthy and active life in my eighties.  So now what?  What is God’s plan for me?  I know I will still have time to accomplish whatever He has planned, but I didn’t think about this ahead of time.  Do I have minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years left?  How can I make this time productive.  I am active in the church at my retirement community.  I keep in touch with a wide circle of friends.  There are family members who still seem to need me.  I write, blog, and vlog.  But, I still wonder is there yet something more I should be doing?

What do I want to be when I grow up…or when I grow really, really old?

Standing Against the Gray

On the horizon they stand,

Tops pointed like arrows to the sky,

Fir trees of deepest green,

Silhouetted in the gray mist.

 

Deciduous bare branches,

Curve and arch upward,

Devoid of leaves, and yet,

Alive and strong within.

 

In a world neither black or white,

Can I borrow from their life,

Summon courage to point skyward,

And stand against the gray?

Til We Have Faces

Last fall, I attended a seminar on C S Lewis, where the presenter said that “Til We Have Faces” was his most difficult book to understand.  Last week, I heard another lecture from a different expert in which he made no mention of it.  When he asked for a show of hands on which of Lewis’ books was the best, he did not include “Til We Have Faces.”

I read that book decades ago, and I remembered it as my favorite fiction by C S Lewis.  I could no longer remember details, but I remember it as drawing me in, not intellectually, as much as speaking to my spirit.  I decided to reread it.  I got a copy on Sunday and have read it over the past 3 days while doing numerous other things.  This morning, I decided to stay in my pajamas until I finished it.  It seems to me that the point of the book is not intellectual understanding, but a deep piercing into one’s soul.

There is certainly much to be derived for one’s intellect.  I could write of how each of the types of love Lewis describes in his book “The Four Loves” is demonstrated in “Til We Have Face.”  Questions asked in this work, echo questions asked in his nonfiction book “The Problem of Pain.”  I could explain how the book has multiple layers of allegory.  By that I mean that there are multiple allegories in play, and that some of the characters are representative of more than one person or concept.  I could talk about the symbolism of the veil which hides the main character’s face.  Lewis also deals with the meaning of being a woman, her role in life, and the difficulties imposed by society’s expectations of women.  One could write a book that was just a literary analysis of this novel.

However, looking at it as a mental exercise would miss the impact of allowing the book to search one’s soul.  If you read it, allow yourself to consider the ways in which we humans foolishly shake our fists in God’s face and demand answers of Him.  How do we attempt to hide our own sinful ugliness from a God who sees and knows all?  What does it take for us to acknowledge we are sinners as we stand before the Almighty?

Don’t be tempted to read the last page before you get to it naturally.  Allow yourself to be drawn to the conclusion along with the main character.  Question and suffer along with her.  Search your own soul.  I cried as I read the final paragraph.

Justice vs Mercy

Given the current rhetoric regarding aliens in our land, I think it would be wise for believers in Christ to consider that we have a God who is both just and merciful.

Does God command that we care for the vulnerable…the aliens in our land?  Yes, He does.  God is merciful and wants us to be also.

Does God also condemn those who murder, rape, and lead children astray?  Yes, He does.  God is just. 

It is also clear that we as individuals are not to take justice into our own hands.  Scripture makes it clear that God allows people to come into authority positions to act on our behalf to protect us.   Can that kind of power be corrupted?  Of course.  However, we are commanded to defer to authorities.  The scripture that instructs this was written during a time of cruel oppression by the Roman government…oppression such as we in America do not know, have not experienced.

Do we as outside observers to the actions of law enforcement authorities always have a clear picture of whether their actions are against the vulnerable or against those who are evil?  No…we don’t!

Only God can perfectly balance justice and mercy.  We humans are far too prone to insert our own agenda into situations.  I certainly wish that everyone would stop posting their viewpoints on social media.  It only incites anger and doesn’t change anyone’s mind.  The recent events seem to be interpreted in the light of individuals’ political leanings, more than their spiritual convictions.  People accept the slant of whatever TV station they watch, because they are not actual observers of the events.

Unless you have firsthand knowledge, you have no right to comment.  Even then, unless you have learned how to perfectly balance justice and mercy be very careful which viewpoint you espouse.  Both God’s justice and His mercy are motivated by love.  I’m afraid most of the angry voices on each side, don’t have a clue what that means.

Jonathan's Example

Jonathan went to David…and helped him find strength in God.  I Samuel 23:16

I love the picture this verse creates.  David was in distress trying to get away from Saul who wanted to kill him. Even though he was Saul’s son, Jonathan was a dear friend who met with David to encourage him and remind him of God’s provision and care.

This should be our role towards those who share our faith.  The world is a pretty frightening place.  It is often hostile to our belief in a Creator and Redeemer.  It is easy to lose heart and become discouraged.  One of the things which keeps me believing is that I know so many people who are intelligent and wise and who share my belief in a loving personal God.  They set an example for me by both their words and actions.  I do not want to be like the angry shouting crowd.  I admire those who have a steady, kindly spirit.

Jonathan shared his faith and used their friendship to encourage David.  Let us follow that example.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together…but encouraging one another.   Hebrews 10:23-25