Grandma Ruthie
Before I met you,
I believed you existed,
Somewhere beyond my reach.
And when I met you,
My heart beat faster,
Knowing you were within reach.
For over 50 years
We circled and danced
Passionately reaching.
Now you are gone.
And once again, you exist
Somewhere beyond my reach.
And yet, I can’t let go.
My heart and mind keep stretching
Into a soundless void…
Reaching…
Reaching…
Reaching…
As in Adam all men die,
So shall I pass through that veil,
Travel down the darkened path,
The rendezvous that none can fail.
Some I love have passed before,
Leaving me behind to cry,
Repeating to myself with grief,
“As in Adam all men die.”
But those who belong to Christ,
In a victory complete,
Will live again with Him.
Death crushed beneath His feet.
From I Corinthians
15:22-27
I didn't just want
"Til death do us part. "
I wanted forever.
Your loss broke my heart.
My only solace,
The hope that I live in,
We'll be together forever,
Someday in heaven.
I did not mean to walk this path.
I stumble, slip and fall,
Blocked from the path I prefer,
By death’s impenetrable wall.
I did not make a wrong turn.
A landslide forced me here.
I do the best that I can do,
In spite of grief and fear.
The ground is so uneven,
I trip on jutting rock,
And then I hit loose gravel,
Or roots that interlock.
I wished to avoid it,
This painful lonely journey,
Without the one I dearly love,
But, this path was chosen for me.
I put a large pillow on the end of the sofa.
When I lie down for a nap,
I think my head is in your lap.
I took your placement from the
table.
I know you are not there.
I wrap my arms around your chair.
I slide my hand across your side
of the bed.
The blankets are still and cold.
There is no hand to hold.
I talk to handsome you in that
photograph.
It is propped up in a chair.
Words hang unanswered in the air.
But that place that held my love
for you,
Could that be empty? Never!
Full and overflowing. Forever and forever.
You touched my life too deeply,
I loved you too
completely,
I will never be
the same.
Too many days
together,
A bond too strong
to sever,
I will never be
the same.
Until some sweet
tomorrow,
May abolish tears
and sorrow,
I will never be
the same.
Here I am alone in the darkness,
No hand near mine to hold,
No embrace wards off the cold.
Here I am alone with my
questions,
No answer to my “why?”
No one to hear me cry.
Here I am struggling painfully
forward,
Is there a path ahead for me,
A future yet to be?
Here I am so weak, flawed and
broken,
Will my wounded heart be mended,
God’s healing power extended?
Here I am….
Silent snowflakes fall to earth,
Leaves float gently down.
A tear drops from a wrinkled cheek,
But no one hears a sound.
My heart is shattered, broken.
My thoughts are incoherent.
A sob, a scream well up within,
But no one else can hear it.
Death snatched away my dearest love.
In vain I call his name.
His voice, his touch have disappeared,
And nothing is the same.
If you were anywhere on earth,
I would search until I found you.
I have already looked for you,
In the places you have inhabited.
But then my thoughts go to
How I found you to begin with.
I did not search for you.
I just stayed on the path God planned.
And we found each other surprisingly,
Seemingly as a coincidence.
But we came to believe, it was
The guidance of a divine hand.
What am I to believe now?
If our meeting was God-ordained,
What am I to think of our parting?
Was it a mistake…horrible and unintended?
“Shall we accept good from God,
And not trouble?” said Job.
Did God plan the joyous meeting
And not the painful parting?
In God’s time…
Meeting
Parting
Reuniting.
Achan’s Sin…and Mine
(Joshua 7)
Have I squandered and hidden away,
That which is yours by right?
A bar of gold, a pile of silver,
A garment of radiant light?
Have I buried under my tent,
A holy, sacred thing?
An item intended for worship
A trophy for my king?
Has my sin impacted others,
Leading to their defeat?
Will confession undo the wrong,
As I come to the mercy seat?
From Achan’s sin came destruction,
His family’s death by stoning.
My sin by the grace of God,
Is cleansed by the blood’s atoning.
Moses struck the rock,
And water gushed out.
In my heart there is a rock,
Heavy and dense with grief.
Can water gush out?
The pain in my stricken heart
Leaks only tears.
Can the water of life,
Refreshing and invigorating,
Once more flow?
How hard must the rock be hit,
Before it cracks open?
How severe the pain,
Before it liquifies,
And water runs free?
Is water from the rock,
Too much to expect?
I pray this is only a dry spell.
I pray for a spring.
I pray for water.
The silver trumpets sound.
We gather all around,
Awaiting your
direction.
The silver trumpets sound,
Though the enemy surround,
We trust in your protection.
The silver trumpets sound.
Reveal a glory that astounds.
We bask in its reflection.
Give some thought while you are young,
To the swiftness of your days.
All too soon that time will come,
The slow and painful phase.
Your vision will diminish,
Your teeth are not your own,
You walk with steps uncertain,
Your joints will creak and moan.
You awaken all too early,
Or don’t sleep well at night.
The sounds of birds grow faint.
You’re now afraid of height.
You tremble when you walk,
But no longer with desire.
The advancing of your years
Has quenched that youthful fire.
And then there is the moment,
When something truly breaks,
A back, a hip, a heart, a mind,
And your whole being quakes.
The time has come to turn to
dust,
You know that you will die.
Will “everything is meaningless”
Be the last thing that you cry?
Remember your Creator in the days
of your youth! (Ecclesiastes
12:1)
He who calibrates the universe,
Gives order to my days,
Fine tuning each element,
In His omniscient ways.
He carefully combines,
The balance to maintain,
Each joy and sorrow,
The pleasure and the pain.
A plan I cannot see
Is clear to His mind.
He lovingly directs to
A path I’d never find.
In the puzzle of life,
As I struggle with decision.
I trust in Him who rules the
world,
With insight and precision.
Rolling over, our faces nearly touch.
I feel the motion of his breath.
He exhales as I inhale.
We breathe common air.
Our conversation flows.
His words stimulate my thoughts
My replies impact his ideas.
We come to a joint decision.
We sit in a chilly room.
I push up against him.
He puts his arm around me.
We share the warmth between us.
He can’t read the fine print.
I stumble on the stairs.
We make up for the other’s
weakness,
Taking the painful edge from aging.
We breathe together,
We think together,
We share warmth,
We bear one another’s burdens.
When one of us must leave,
Will the other stumble in the
cold?
Will the one left behind be able to
think?
Will it even be possible to
breathe?
He who created the universe,
Willingly confined to bones and flesh,
Immortality became mortal,
Accepting frail humanness.
We, the product of his hands,
Allowed to touch with ours,
The very hands and face of God,
Who for us subdues his powers.
His visage could have struck us dead,
But instead, was marred by man,
For from the very dawn of time,
His death was his own plan.
How can I comprehend it?
A humble incarnation,
Design of an Almighty God
To bring to us salvation.
What new book should I read,
What different place explore,
What question should I ask,
I should open…which door?
Is there something I’ve never
tried,
A path I haven’t walked,
A truly interesting person
To whom I haven’t talked?
Is there a song I haven’t sung,
A joke I haven’t heard,
A flower I haven’t smelled,
A previously unknown bird?
Is there a prayer I haven’t
prayed,
A task I’ve left undone,
Have I neglected God’s desire
That I glorify His Son.
Well then, I have good reason,
Another day to wake,
To continue to seek out,
The path I’m meant to take.
I declared, “You may come this far, but no farther. Here your proud waves must stop.” Job 38:11
The proud waves roll toward the
shore,
Creeping farther and farther,
Onto the barren sand they come
Sweeping away debris.
Walking along in the surf,
I feel the outward pull.
I stay in the shallows
Not wanting to be swept away.
But what if I stray too far?
What if I don’t see the larger
cresting wave?
What if I am encompassed, overpowered,
And pulled into the deep?
There is a boundary set
By a more powerful hand.
“This far, but no farther”
The Almighty roars.
The proud waves of evil roll,
Attempting to sweep all of us
Outward through the harmless foam
Into the depths and darkness.
But the Almighty has set a
boundary.
With a voice louder than the surf,
He roars “This far, but no
farther.
Enough! It is finished.”
How can a life be so precious to one,
And yet so cheap to another?
One man sacrifices his life to
save lives.
Another sacrifices his life to
take lives.
Good and evil coexisting,
Love and hatred confronting each
other.
The devil laughs gleefully,
Almighty God weeps, biding his
time.
Some of us stand at a distance,
Others must enter the conflict,
Live on the razor’s edge,
Tomorrow uncertain, unknown.
But when the agony creeps back to
us,
A staggering reality pierces the
soul,
A black hole expands at one’s
core,
Swallowing all joy and light.
“How long, O Lord, holy and true,
until you judge and avenge…”
(Revelation 6:10)
Not ready for the rocking chair,
Motion in one plane,
Forward and backward,
A monotonous refrain.
My life is not a neutral,
A gray or beige or buff.
Nor is it full of glitter,
An accent is enough.
It’s not a quiet whisper,
Nor a blaring horn,
Not a jittering staccato
Or dirge with which to mourn.
But a palette of all colors,
A symphony of sound.
Never dull or boring, but…
On new adventure bound.
