As in Adam All Die

As in Adam all men die,

So shall I pass through that veil,

Travel down the darkened path,

The rendezvous that none can fail.

 

Some I love have passed before,

Leaving me behind to cry,

Repeating to myself with grief,

“As in Adam all men die.”

 

But those who belong to Christ,

In a victory complete,

Will live again with Him.

Death crushed beneath His feet.

 

From I Corinthians 15:22-27

Gifting Greatness

This time of year, my mailbox is absolutely jam packed with catalogs and various promotional materials.  Any company with which I have ever had contact thinks I am likely to purchase a Christmas gift from them.  It is true that years ago when I was home-schooling my children, I began to do much of my shopping via catalogs.  It was easier than trying to find time to shop in a store when I had very little time away from the kids.  These days, the catalogs help me to make decisions before I shop online.

One of the pieces I received recently was from Omaha Steaks.  It says, “Achieve Gifting Greatness.”   So evidently, if I order some “perfectly aged, tender steaks” for someone, there is a chance I too can achieve gifting greatness.

But actually, there is only one who ever achieved gifting greatness in giving a gift at Christmas time.  God Himself gave the ultimate gift with the Incarnation of Christ in the form of a helpless baby.  He entrusted this gift to a humble couple whom He judged by their hearts not by appearance or status.  The gift was not for them alone, it was for all of us.  He gifted them with a baby.  He gifted the world with a Savior.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.”  John 3:16 NIV

He has given the gift, but we each need to individually receive it.  If you have never accepted His Great Gift, do it now!

Staring at the Sun

Two days ago, there was a solar eclipse which was clearly visible to many people in the United States.  I saw pictures of people looking at this event with special glasses.  It caused me to remember a previous solar eclipse which my son, who was in home-schooling at the time, got to watch through the glass on a welder’s helmet.  In contrast, a physics teacher I knew, who had carefully prepared his class to view not the sun itself, but the image created on the back of a pinhole camera, was informed by the school administration that he could not take his class outside to view it.  They were afraid of their liability if some student should think he or she could get away with looking directly at the sun.

Most of us know instinctively that it is not wise to stare at the sun, although we have probably stolen a glimpse when there is enough cloud cover to chance it. There have been cases of people who have blinded themselves by looking directly at it for something other than a quick glance.  It does fascinate us!  This great ball of fire is a part of our daily lives, and we are totally dependent on it.  It is the ultimate source of our energy…not just the obvious solar energy, but all energy.  The sun’s energy was captured by photosynthesis in plants which we eventually release by burning wood, coal, peat, oil or gas.  The movement of the wind comes from unequal heating.  Nuclear power copies the reactions on the surface of the sun.

We accept that we cannot stare at the sun, but we do not think enough about the one who created it, and whose power is greater.  The one who is the source of all life and who dwells in unapproachable light.  I Timothy 6:15-16  God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see.

We can not stare at the sun without an appropriate shield, and we cannot approach God without something/someone between us.  Approaching a holy God in our sinful condition causes not only blindness, but death.  (Exodus 33:20 …no one may see me and live.)  This was the purpose of Christ coming to earth and dying in our place.  Now when we approach God, it is with Christ, our mediator, our shield, between us. 

Hebrews 4: 14-16 …since we have a great high priest…Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess….Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

By the miracle of God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice, God does not blind us or strike us down when we approach Him.

If we cannot stare at the sun without an appropriate shield, we certainly cannot approach the Creator of the sun without the blood of the Son between us.  If you have not acknowledged your need of Jesus Christ to be your personal Savior and Shield, do it today.  None of us knows when we will have to stand before the one who dwells in unapproachable light.

Severe Mercy

 When Bill died so unexpectedly and suddenly, a friend told me that God had granted me a "severe mercy."  I had heard the term before and knew what he meant.  I did not have to stand by watching Bill suffer as he died little by little from cancer or dementia.  The cardiac arrest was so abrupt, he didn't suffer any agonizing pain.  He slept until that moment.  When we decided we had to take him off the ventilator and let him go, there was wonderful hospice care available.

There is a level on which I know I should be grateful.  His passing in this way was God's gift to both of us.  I recognized immediately that God had made it as easy on me as possible.  I was near family and friends who were supportive.  I was done with the school year except for one last day, and I had "happened" to leave an open book quiz on my desk.  When he was transferred to a hospice never having regained consciousness, our apartment was only a block away, easing the stress of those final three days as he quietly slipped away.

However, I have felt Bill's loss...his absence from my life...so keenly, that I have struggled to maintain the gratitude.  It is one thing to recognize God's hand in the process, and another to come to grips with the situation as part of God's long range plan for His glory and our good.

It has been 15 months and 5 days since he breathed his last breath.  Fifteen and a half months since we had our last conversation.  I don't remember much of the last day he was conscious.  I think the trauma of the cardiac arrest wiped out some of my memory of the prior day, but I do remember that last day talking with him about the upcoming running events for which he had registered.  He had just run 6 miles and was evaluating how he would do the next week at the National Senior Games.  We had no idea where he would actually be a week later, and that he would be running his final race.

I am doing my best to focus on being grateful for the "severe mercy."  I know God understands my sorrow, but that He sees the big picture which is hidden from me.

Sitting in the Stillness

“I’m alone,” she thought.

“The presence is gone,

The throbbing pulse of energy

Which had become part of myself.”

 

He danced through life.

Exuding a vibrant persona

Of agility and strength,

Both physical and mental.

 

So she sits in the stillness,

The space too quiet,

The air hanging heavy

With overwhelming grief and loss.

Forever

 I didn't just want

"Til death do us part. "

I wanted forever.

Your loss broke my heart.

My only solace,

The hope that I live in,

We'll be together forever, 

Someday in heaven.

Are there absurdities in the Bible?

An understated oddity lies in the Bible’s account of creation, wherein Light was manifested on the first day, while the sun, stars, and moon didn’t make their celestial debut until the fourth day (Genesis 1:3-19). This account presents a delightful absurdity, as Light typically is a byproduct of these celestial bodies.

One might be amused imagining a universe aglow with Light yet devoid of its familiar celestial bodies. It’s a quirk of the text that can spark many questions and debates, reminding us of the intriguing challenges in interpreting ancient texts.

The above is quoted from an internet posting about the “absurdities in the Bible.”   I am afraid it represents both arrogance and ignorance.

To begin with, they/he/she include the moon in their list of sources of light.  The moon has no light of its own.  Its light is reflected from the sun.  Secondly, rather than being “absurd” the creation of “light” as the first thing made before the sun and other stars makes perfect sense, if you realize that light is a form of energy.  Since light and matter are interchangeable (E=mc²), it is totally logical that an energy form preceded matter.  Since men in the era in which this document was written would have had no knowledge of the link between matter and energy, I have always taken this as a confirmation that the writer of Genesis was getting his information from the creator himself.  To me it is an example of the inspired word of God.

I have no intent of attempting to debunk all of the 50 supposed absurdities, but some of them are based on a misunderstanding of the text.  Others may seem to represent impossible situations, but that is because we have finite minds.  If there really is an all-powerful God who created and sustains the universe and everything in it, then nothing is impossible for him.  He may choose whether or not he abides by the laws of physics.  It is also clear that he has created laws of physics that we do not yet understand.  Quantum theory is an example.  Human knowledge is finite.  The most brilliant among us are having difficulty stretching their minds around some emerging concepts.

It is ignorant for us to assume we possess all knowledge and arrogant for us to think that everything we don’t understand is absurd.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.  I Corinthians 1:25

Unfortunately, there are people who will believe what is posted on the internet.  Knowledge of the Bible is in short supply, and there are those who will dismiss it as a book of absurdities without examining the mentioned passages themselves and/or without thinking deeply about what has been written.

I have read the Bible cover to cover multiple times.  It is NOT a book of absurdities.  It is a book describing many situations which the human mind has difficulty comprehending, but no thinking person should dismiss it as ridiculous or irrelevant.  It deserves an open-minded examination. 

It deserves a prayerful examination…open my eyes, Lord.

Providence: John Piper's View VS Mine

I have just begun to read John Piper’s book Providence.  It will take me awhile since it is 711 pages…but I figure I made it through The Count of Monte Cristo as a high school student, so I can handle this.  I am wondering what insights it might give me as I struggle with the loss of my husband.  I believe in God’s sovereignty and providence.  I believe God orchestrated my husband and me meeting, so I must also believe it was His hand that brought about our parting.  Sovereignty and providence bring comfort.

John Piper and I graduated from Wheaton College the same year.  I would not, however, presume to call us “classmates.”  We were never in an actual class together, I never spoke to him until decades later at a conference, and we did NOT travel in the same circles.  As a college student, he was already “known,” and his potential recognized.  I was an obscure oddity.  I entered college having already completed nursing school.  I was paying my own way through college, so I was off campus a great deal working.  Also, I was a chemistry major.  Nurses normally majored in Nursing and took a watered-down chemistry course referred to as “nurses chem.”  I had developed a fascination with the chemistry of the body and the way in which medications worked.  Chemistry satisfied me intellectually.

If known for anything, girl chemistry majors were maligned.  The notion circulated that we were only there to meet guys who were going to be doctors in hopes of an advantageous marriage.  My senior year there was an article in the campus newspaper discussing the best places on campus to study.  A male chemistry major stated that the best place to study was the Chemistry Library, because “have you ever seen the girl chemistry majors?”  His meaning, of course, was that guys would not be distracted by our physical appearance.  If I had not been already engaged at that point, I am afraid I might have carried out something about which I have since fantasized.  At the age of 23, I had rather “stunning” proportions which I modestly disguised.  I would have loved to have maximized them and strutted through the library in a clear attempt to distract. 

All of that to say, I was an unknown entity.  I am not now, nor have I ever been a theologian, so it is probably presumptuous for me to give my view on Providence.  Nevertheless, I am guessing that John Piper has taken 711 pages to say what I have been saying for decades:

All of the elements of the universe and of our individual lives are like pieces in a gigantic and infinitely complex Rubik’s cube.  The hands of God move the pieces about in such a manner that they are always working toward His glory and our ultimate good.  He alone knows the solution and exactly how to achieve it.

Three sentences versus 711 pages.  I just finished page 45.  I’m sure John’s approach is more scholarly than mine, and that I will enjoy and be challenged by it.

Now about that complementarianism….

 

The Lonely Path

I did not mean to walk this path.

I stumble, slip and fall,

Blocked from the path I prefer,

By death’s impenetrable wall.

 

I did not make a wrong turn.

A landslide forced me here.

I do the best that I can do,

In spite of grief and fear.

 

The ground is so uneven,

I trip on jutting rock,

And then I hit loose gravel,

Or roots that interlock.

 

I wished to avoid it,

This painful lonely journey,

Without the one I dearly love,

But, this path was chosen for me.

Beyond Biocentrism--a Review

I just finished reading Beyond Biocentrism by Lanza & Berman.  I guess I should have known where it was going given the recommendation by Deepak Chopra. 

 

I was a bit surprised when I compared the definition of biocentrism to the content of the book.  Biocentrism is defined as “an ethical perspective holding that all life deserves equal moral consideration or has equal moral standing.”  That concept does not emerge as primary in this book.  Lanza (who seems to be the main author) discusses current physics in general and quantum theory in particular, as only being able to be understood through a biocentric viewpoint.  Never mind the fact that many physicists believe the one thing that you can understand about quantum theory is that it can’t be understood.

 

Some thoughts on the book:

In the second chapter Lanza states:  “By the time the Old Testament books were penned…a key point was a stationary Earth ruled by a single, easily upset God.  The rabbis of the time showed no inclination to question this prevailing worldview.  They duly filled the pages of Genesis and Deuteronomy with the flat-earth, glued-in-place mindset of their time…   Figuring out how nature operated was on nobody’s to-do list.  Indeed, the things that provoke our curiosity today—the nature of life and time and consciousness and the working of the brain—all would have seemed alien to early civilizations.”

 

I beg to differ!  Skipping over my discomfort with an “easily upset God,” let’s go to the flat-earth notion.  Having read through the Bible in its entirety multiple times, I have never seen the flat earth notion.  Job, which is believed to predate Genesis, refers to the earth as being suspended over nothing.  Chapter 26 also refers to the horizon on the face of the waters, which obviously could be observed to be curved.

 

I have to assume Lanza has never read the book of Job because it is full of deep philosophical questions.  What is the origin of pain, suffering and evil?  Why would an Almighty God pay any attention to us?  What is the purpose for our existence?  In chapters 38-41 of Job, the Lord asks Job a series of questions which touch on many of life’s mysteries.  I, of course, believe that the Bible is inspired and God-breathed, so man would not necessarily have come up with these questions by himself, but he is certainly presented with them.  Keep in mind that the book of Job is believed to be the oldest book of the Bible.  If it was not God-inspired, humans were already pondering the imponderables.

 

Lanza also states that the ancients (i.e. authors of the Old Testament) “may have been onto something” as they frequently mention “light” which is a “central character in Reality’s puzzle.”  He equates light and energy in this passage.  I am astounded that any scientist can dismiss the fact that Genesis begins with the statement “Let there be light.”  How could the uninformed ancients possibly have known that the first created thing had to be energy?  Of course, a Creator could have known that light and the energy it represents was the way to begin.  It appears that Lanza dismisses this as a lucky guess.

 

The book spends quite a bit of time on the idea that “time” doesn’t really exist except as a creation of our own minds in order to function in life.  “There are places in the universe where only a single second of events pass while a millions years’ worth of activities simultaneously elapses here on Earth.”  II Peter 3:8 seems to indicate that God lives outside of time stating that “with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”  Genesis 1 states that God created the sun and moon to “serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years.”  In other words, He made them for the benefit of human beings to be able to keep track of time.  He doesn’t need them.  Timelessness is nothing new.

 

Several false statements are made regarding the beliefs of creationists and proponents of intelligent design, but then Lanza states “Give them this.  When they complain that the creation of the eye’s architecture cannot be explained by natural selection, and some scientists respond by summarily dismissing them, it is the latter who are guilty of sloppy reasoning.”  He correctly takes evolutionists to task, although not for the same reasons I would as a believer in an intelligent Creator.

 

Quite a bit of time is spent on the idea of consciousness and the fact that no one has an adequate explanation for how it “evolved” or came into being.  We all have it, but science can’t explain where it came from.  I believe that when God said “let us make man in our image,” he was not talking about physical form, but about consciousness of self, the ability to be creative, and the ability to make choices.  Consciousness is one of God’s gifts.  Having also recently read an article on Artificial Intelligence, I very much doubt that a computer will ever gain self-awareness, even if it can recognize itself in a mirror.

 

The book clearly states that “randomness is not a tenable hypothesis” for the finely tuned cosmos that allows for the existence of the earth and life on it.  But, just the time one thinks Lanza may be arguing for the existence of an intelligent Creator, we learn that by some mystical means we have created all this ourselves.  We are “one” with everything that surrounds us.  We “create” things by observing them.  This ties in with quantum theory where photons and electrons are waves until they are observed and then materialize as particles which can be measured and their location determined.

 

Co-author Berman takes his turn to describe a life-altering experience in which he realized his oneness with everything and felt over-whelming peace.  The eastern vs the western mind is discussed.  The eastern mind can simultaneously hold seemingly conflicting thoughts….such as light is both a wave and a particle.  But, this can be applied to all areas.  It seems we need to abandon our notion that time and space are “real.”  They are only constructs of our mind.

 

About this place in the book, I wrote in the margin “flirting with schizophrenia?”  Then I came upon “Don’t trouble yourself with endless questions about God, existence, destiny and all the rest.  Instead find out who is the person who wants to know such things.  A person who made such self-inquiries with all sincerity and good effort ultimately could find no one home.  He or she would discover that there is no separate individual self, only a stream of thoughts….one would clearly see that the “self” was either nothing at all …or the entire cosmos.”  Sounds suspiciously like, we are encouraged to become our own “god.” 

 

The very next chapter after I had decided this requires being out of touch with “reality,” he points out that in order to function in the world “we have appointments to keep.  We live in a society based on a shared notion of time and have to act accordingly if we’re not to be locked away in a psychiatric ward.”  Indeed!

 

The book actually says a lot that is correct.  In the concluding chapter:  “Science’s ever-growing twentieth-century assumption of a dumb, random universe, in which life arose by chance, had the secondary effect of isolating the human psyche from the cosmos….This together with the growing abandonment of religion, probably led to a sense that in a cosmos ruled by accidents…we humans need to exploit the environment and grab what we can.”

 

He sees biocentrism as the solution to man’s current dilemma.  I see the solution as a return to belief in a God who defines both justice and mercy, and who controls human history.  I am confident God understands dark matter, dark energy and quantum theory.  I am perfectly in agreement with scientists trying to gain additional knowledge about these areas.  Since God Himself defines Truth, anyone honestly searching for Truth will come face to face with God.

 

Lanza and Berman have found much truth, but they have not employed Occam’s Razor:  the theory that the simplest explanation is usually the best.  They have constructed a whole theory of biocentrism "entangled" with quantum theory instead of the much simpler explanation that there actually is a God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My First Beer

One summer in the 1960s, I was working as a nurse at a hospital in a small city near a military base.  When I came to work one morning, I was assigned to one patient and one only.  There was no ICU at the hospital.  ICUs were just coming into being, and this patient needed constant attention.

He had been admitted during the night, and he was a big, strong young man on temporary assignment at the military base.  He had unfortunately been drinking heavily the prior evening.  He became so drunk that he fell from a second-floor porch and landed on his head.  He reeked of beer.  No catheter had yet been inserted, so there was a urinal between his legs to catch what was coming out of his bladder.  It was foamy and smelled like beer.

Not only was he unconscious, but I saw some white material oozing from his ear.  I knew it was brain tissue and put it on a gauze square to show the doctor when he came in.  When the doctor arrived, he noticed it sitting on the bedside stand immediately…before I had a chance to call his attention to it.  He decided to do a tracheotomy and proceeded to do one right there in the room.  This was to no avail, however, as the young man died only about 3 hours later.  His brain injury was incompatible with life.

If I was ever tempted to drink beer, the smell of it and the memory of the appearance of his urine turned me away.  I have always found the odor of beer revolting.

So now I am 78 and have never tried to drink beer or had the least desire to do so.  This evening, my son-in-law offered me a drink of an imported beer (German) that has only 2 and ½% alcohol and a grapefruit base.  I said I would try a very small glass.  It did not have the distinctive smell, and I actually liked the taste…not enough to make it a habit, but it was interesting to try.

I did not have “trying beer” on my bucket list, but perhaps I will do what I do with “to do” lists.  Sometimes I put something that I have already done on my “to do” list, so I can cross something off.

No Replacement

 I put a large pillow on the end of the sofa.

When I lie down for a nap,

I think my head is in your lap.

 

I took your placement from the table.

I know you are not there.

I wrap my arms around your chair.

 

I slide my hand across your side of the bed.

The blankets are still and cold.

There is no hand to hold.

 

I talk to handsome you in that photograph.

It is propped up in a chair.

Words hang unanswered in the air.

 

But that place that held my love for you,

Could that be empty?  Never!

Full and overflowing.  Forever and forever.

One Year Has Passed

A year has passed…

You have not come home from a business trip.

I have not heard you say, “Hi, Babes!”

I haven’t seen your running clothes hanging in the bathroom to dry.

You haven’t asked me to make a hot fudge sundae for you.

I haven’t seen you sitting on the other end of the couch or at the dinner table.

You haven’t described the pickleball games you played this morning.

I haven’t seen you working at your desk or attending a zoom meeting.

We haven’t walked to church holding hands.

You haven’t driven me to appointments.

You haven’t emptied the trash and taken care of recyclables.

We haven’t snuggled up to each other in bed.

We haven’t prayed together for our children and grandchildren.

I haven’t laid my head on your chest and heard your heart beating.

But…

I still talk to you.

And sometimes I feel as though you have your arms around me.

What does it mean to be "in love?"

I cannot forget watching the interview with Charles and Diana after they had become engaged.  They were asked if they were “in love.”  Diane responded positively, but Charles…like a stiff cold fish…said, “Whatever in love means.”

Diana should have removed the engagement ring, dropped it in Charles’ lap and walked away.  But Diana was only 19 years old, inexperienced and without the wisdom of age.  Charles was already in his 30s, experienced, and should have had wisdom, but apparently did not.

Although the ceremonies engaged in by the royalty are steeped in religious tradition, he apparently did not understand the meaning of the marriage vows.  In the Bible, a man is admonished to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. (Ephesians 5:25)  He is to protect and nurture his wife.  He is to make their relationship exclusive.  Charles was already “in love” with someone else.  Perhaps he thought he could keep the relationship with Diana exclusive.  But it is claimed that he told Diana that he refused to be the only Prince of Wales who didn’t have a mistress.  It doesn’t sound like he was committed to exclusivity.

Had Charles properly loved Camilla, he would have had the courage to admit his love for her and take the consequences.   Had he properly loved Diana, he would have had the self-control to focus on her and her needs, rather than his own.  If he had loved her, he would have maintained the relationship, and she would not have been out in the world seeking affection from other men.  She would not have been in a car with Dodi Fayed.  Her sons would not have grown up without their mother.

I did not watch the coronation.  I cannot respect a man who has behaved so badly. 

I cannot respect Donald Trump for similar reasons.

I do respect the men I see in the retirement community caring tenderly for their wives as they age.  The reverse is true also.  I see women standing by their husbands even in the face of physical and mental decline.   These are people who understand the marriage vows, and who will stand before God having followed the example of Christ.

I am grateful for a husband whose love was exclusive and unwavering.  Early on, we verbalized our commitment to grow old together.  I just wish “old” had meant more than his 79 years.

What Makes Me Cry?

I have never been a person who cried easily.  I decided before becoming an adult that crying accomplished nothing and often gave me a headache.  I could probably count on one hand the times in my adult life that I have cried prior to May 16, 2022.

But…

Since Bill’s death, I cry on a regular basis…as in multiple times a day, and sometimes it is not because of sadness over his absence in my life.  I just feel emotionally “raw” so that anything can push me over the edge.

In the past two days, I have cried for the following reasons:

*singing the song “In Christ Alone”

*reading that there are 1.7 million orphans wandering the streets of Cairo, Egypt

*thinking that Christ had to die in order for me to live eternally

*receiving a letter from the head of a Christian ministry describing the degree of commitment exhibited by some Christian workers in the face of danger to themselves

*reading that an adult male severely injured a two month old baby, because the baby had pulled on his nose ring

*finding that my husband had a stash of birthday/Valentine/other occasion cards addressed to me that he had never given me.  He must have been concerned that he might forget some year, so he had a supply in a file drawer all signed and with my name on the envelopes.

Those are the times coming to mind at the moment.  I think there have been some others. 

Well….there’s also writing this.

Never the Same

You touched my life too deeply,

I loved you too completely,

I will never be the same.

 

Too many days together,

A bond too strong to sever,

I will never be the same.

 

Until some sweet tomorrow,

May abolish tears and sorrow,

I will never be the same.

Telephone Line to Heaven

When my husband Bill traveled on business, he called me every night, if it was at all possible to do so.  I have an internal clock that tells me it is time for his call.  He is, of course, currently on a very, very long business trip to a place without cell phone coverage…heaven.  Last night when my “alarm” went off and it was time for his call, I laughed out loud with the delightful imagination that he could call me from heaven and tell me about his day.

Our typical phone calls would include his recounting of visits he had made to farms using the company’s irrigation systems, or visits with dealers.  He would tell me about meetings he had attended or with whom he had eaten lunch and dinner.  Perhaps, he had met interesting people in his travels.  Sometimes he extended trips to get in some skiing or other physical activity.  Then I would hear which ski area he had gone to, how many runs he had taken, and about any characters he had ridden with on the lift.  Sometimes he would have participated in a race or climbed a mountain and would be excited to describe this in detail.

I would tell him what I had done that day and catch him up on family matters or other things that were new in the community.  It seemed that there were often issues for me to deal with, that he would have dealt with if he had been home.  Once the smoke detector in an apartment we owned went off in the middle of the night, and I had to get up, drag a ladder over to the apartment and change the battery.  Maybe we had a huge snowfall, and I had to shovel, or even more scary, use the plow.  It didn’t matter how mundane either of our activities had been, we listened eagerly.

We always ended our conversations by telling each other how much we loved and missed each other.

So, if there was phone service in heaven, I’m sure we would still talk daily.  I would give him the details on my days here, and I would be so eager to learn what he is doing there.  It is just not possible that he is sitting around idly.  God made him for active engagement, and surely that is still God’s intent.

Christ is quoted in the Bible saying that there is no marriage in heaven.  But, Bill and I had a love that transcended marriage.  We loved each other as people and as fellow believers in the goodness of God.  That will be eternal.  We will always be interested in each other’s activities and want to support each other in whatever tasks God has for us.

Oh, how I would love to talk to him tonight at 9 PM.

From Isaiah 25

 Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.

You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in their distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat.

On this mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples.

On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever.  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces.

The Lord has spoken.

If the Lord has spoken, it must come to pass.  I look forward to the day when death is forever swallowed up and tears are wiped away!  Our sad and broken world sees too many tears and too much death.  Come, Lord Jesus.

Synergy

 Bill and I had a sort of synergy.  I would not have married him, if I had not believed that we could accomplish more together than the sum of what we could do singly.  Although we were very different in terms of our strengths, our gifts, we felt part of each other’s endeavors.  There were obvious practical ways in which we helped and supported each other, but there was more to it than that.  I think we both drew strength from a relationship of mutual trust and understanding, and a common faith.  Loss of that synergy is something I have felt keenly.

Several days ago, a huge weight of grief lifted from me.  Grief had been like a physical presence surrounding and filling me and causing me to cry multiple times a day.  When it first lifted, I wasn’t sure why, but then I realized that a specific thought had come to me.

It occurred to me that in the Lord’s prayer, we say “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.”  I realized that Bill is now in heaven doing God’s will.  I reasoned that if I am doing God’s will here on earth, then Bill and I are still a team.  There is a sense in which the synergy still exists.  We may not be in physical proximity to each other, but we still share the common goal of seeing God’s kingdom come.  I believe that God can orchestrate our activities to be complementary and to continue to accomplish His purposes.  This is a huge comfort to me.

I know there is not marriage in heaven, but I expect that Bill and I will have eternity to enjoy working together on whatever God has in mind for us to do.

I Didn't Want to Get Out of Bed

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  It used to be that I didn’t want to get out because my husband was still sleeping, and I could snuggle up to him feeling all warm and cozy and secure.  Now I don’t want to get up, because it means facing another day without him.  So I stayed in bed crying and trying to wrap my mind around how he could be gone, and I could possibly be alone.

But, I got an early morning phone call to schedule a follow-up procedure, so I had to get out of bed and look at my calendar.  It brought my tears to an abrupt end too.  One can’t be blubbering over the phone to a complete stranger.  After the phone call, I knew there were 12 marigolds in the back of my car which I planned to put in the garden in places where the wildflower seed hadn’t germinated, so I ate breakfast and pulled on some grubby gardening clothes.

Somewhere in that process, I got another phone call.  The shepherding elder assigned to me by the church called and asked if I could meet him and his wife for lunch.  Ah….the day began to seem positive.  I had some human interaction to which I could look forward.

I hustled over to the garden and planted my marigolds.  Folks were walking by, and I had several brief conversations.  I picked some radishes, did a bit of weeding and watered the garden.  As I was finishing up, a lady who was riding her bike stopped to talk.  I don’t know what possessed her to stop….most people on bikes don’t.  It turns out she lost her husband unexpectedly about 3 years ago.  We talked long enough that she felt comfortable telling me that her husband had committed suicide, and that she had lost friends because they felt awkward around her afterward.  I wish I could have on-going contact with her, but she is moving away in the next week.  She is not a Shell Point resident, and she owns one of the homes nearby.  She is selling and moving in with a family member.  I felt as though we met by “appointment.”

As I was getting dressed and put together after a shower, I had another phone call.  That conversation allowed me to share a way in which I felt God had used me over the summer to do something I would not have been in a position to do if I still had my Dear Bill in my life.  I talked about the strange way in which I understand God had a plan and accept it in my mind, and yet grieve greatly about Bill’s absence.  I’m not sure how these seemingly conflicting feelings coexist.

I had a delightful lunch with the elder and his wife, walked back to my apartment across the Island, ate two pieces of chocolate and fell asleep sitting up on the couch.

The sun is shining, the last load of laundry is in the washer, and I am not crying.  I do wonder what my darling is doing in heaven.  I would like to tell him about my day, and how the garden is coming along. 

If he was here, the box of chocolates would be gone by now.