A Hand in the Darkness

When I first stirred this morning, I changed positions and realized in my sleepiness that my hand had ended up next to my husband's hand.  I put my hand into his and his fingers curled around mine.  I thought that in over 42 years, he has never pushed my hand away or pulled his away....not even in his sleep.  What a comfort...a hand in the darkness.
Several years ago, I wrote the following poem about the ultimate hand.


Reaching


Fragile fingers searching, seeking,
Pat a mother's face,
Soft and pink and trusting.


Hands with urgency caressing,
Lover and beloved,
Passion, all-consuming.


Arms outstretched, embracing,
Joyfully I stand,
Life's winds about me rushing.


Still outstretched, but groping,
Writhing in agony and pain,
For an answer longing.


Through death's drape reaching,
To grasp You on the other side,
Reflecting and wondering.


Searching, caressing, stretching,
Was it not You all along
For whom I was seeking?


You for whom I long when in pain,
Whom I embrace in joy,
By whom I am consumed
In whom I trust,
My Lord,
My God.
It is You for whom I reach.!

I Don't Want to Live to Be Ninety

I had my annual physical this week.  I told my doctor that I don’t want to live to be ninety.  He advised me not to come to him if that was the case.  I told him that at some point I would stop making appointments.

As I look toward old age, I seriously don’t know how to proceed.  Do I keep seeking routine medical care and gradually slide into multiple prescriptions that keep me going and prolong my days?  Do I go my merry and un-medicated way hoping that at some point, I will have within me a ticking time bomb that suddenly explodes and takes me out quickly?

I have seen what the tenth decade looks like.  My father lived until a month shy of 91.  My in-laws are currently 92 and 93.   All have by the age of 90 been quite deaf and experiencing vision problems in spite of cataract surgery.  All have been on many, many medications.  All have had issues of balance and mobility.  All have become rather grumpy.

It is heart-breaking to see people who have been married over 70 years struggling to communicate, because they cannot hear one another.  When one raises ones voice loudly enough to be heard, the tone begins to sound disrespectful.  Irritability ensues. 

My father lived with us the last eight years of his life.  My in-laws stubbornly live in their own home.  Many people say some version of, “Oh, isn’t it wonderful that they are still in their own home?!”  Actually, I don’t think so.  They can no longer keep up with house maintenance, car maintenance, paying bills, fixing meals and some aspects of personal care.  We stop in often.  They have help with laundry and cleaning and personal care and yard work.  But it isn’t really enough.  The bathroom is neither safe nor convenient, but they have refused our offers to help them make the changes that would benefit them.

I really don’t want to find myself in that situation.  But, what is the alternative?  I don’t believe in suicide.  If you check yourself into a senior center that provides levels of care….independent living, assisted living, and nursing home care, you have only solved some of the problems.  You are out from under the maintenance issues and the struggle to find appropriate help as ability declines.  But, if you are not fortunate enough to keel over abruptly, you have locked yourself into gradual decline in a skilled nursing facility where multiple medications and good nursing care could keep you around to die inch by inch for years.

While I recognize that I need to trust God to pick the time of my death, I do think we can influence quality of life by our basic health habits, the medications we chose to take, and the surgical procedures we opt for or against.  However, no matter how well I take care of myself, the possibility always exists of a drunk driver hitting me head-on or a "nut case" being near me with a loaded gun.  But then, that is not terribly upsetting to me, because death is NOT the worst thing that can happen to me.  Since I pray regularly for His will to be done, I would have to believe that an incident that suddenly terminated me was not outside of His plan.

I would like to live long enough for all my grandchildren to be able to remember me as a person who loved God and desired to honor Him.  I would like to live as long as I am accomplishing God’s purposes for my life.  I want out, at the point where my death accomplishes more than my life.  That is what I will pray for!

What I didn't know about Prometheus

In my on-going attempt to read all of “The Great Books,” I just finished “Prometheus Bound” by Aeschylus.  My previous acquaintance with Prometheus was through a book given to me by my favorite aunt when I was a child.  It was a large, but not very thick book of Greek myths.  As I remember it, each myth was told on one to three pages and included a color picture portraying the story.  The grizzly image of Prometheus chained to rocks with a bird about to tear into his liver became branded in my visual memory where it still resides.

I don’t know if in the attempt to make the story appropriate for young readers, major themes in the myth were simplified to the point of being unrecognizable, or if I, in my immaturity, just didn’t catch them.  I knew that Prometheus had angered Zeus by giving fire to humans, but I have now come to realize that I didn’t have the whole picture regarding Prometheus.

What I didn’t know about Prometheus:

1.        It is not only fire that he gave to humans.  He claims that prior to his involvement, humans lived in caves.  He taught them to build homes with timber and bricks, to use animals for their benefit for farm work and transportation, to make ships, to compound drugs to combat disease, and to use writing.  Prior to his involvement, he says, men were senseless beasts, and he gave them sense.  He sees himself as the savior of man who has mitigated man’s suffering.

2.       He rails against Zeus.  He does not believe Zeus to be the most powerful god, but the god who currently wields control through self-made laws and intimidation.  Other characters in this play, admonish him to hold his tongue lest his punishment become greater.  Prometheus persists in his defiance.  At one point he says:

Go thou and worship; fold thy hands in prayer,

And be the dog that licks the foot of power!

Nothing care I for Zeus; yea, less than naught!

Let him do what he will, and sway the world

His little hour; he has not long to lord it among the Gods.

3.        Prometheus also claims to be a prophet.  He foretells the future of Io who appears in the play.  He also claims to know when his own suffering will end, and when and how Zeus will fall from power, although this he refuses to reveal.

With whirl of feathery snowflakes and loud crack

Of subterranean thunder; none of these

Shall bend my will or force me to disclose

By whom ‘tis fated he shall fall from power.

Among the intriguing concepts in this play:

*Thou are a better counselor to others than to thyself …..a common problem for most of us.  We see problems and recognize corrective actions for others, but we don’t have the insight to see the same in ourselves.

*True marriage is the union that mates equal with equal.  I’m all in favor of that!  I have seen some unions that appeared to be a mismatch, but that have seemed to work as observed from the outside.  I would have stayed single before entering into such a union.

*I would not, if I might, change my misfortunes for thy vassalage…spoken like a patriot. 

The question arises while reading “Prometheus Bound,” when is it appropriate to be defiant?  Was the original Tea Party appropriate?  Is the current Tea Party appropriate?  Prometheus shakes his fist in the face of Zeus.  That’s OK with me.  Some individuals today shake their fist in the face of the One I believe to be the one true God, Creator and Sustainer of the universe.  I’m afraid that is not OK.  I might be wrong in my beliefs, but I fear for those who are defiant, if I am right.

When is it right and good to defy authority?

When is it just plain foolish?

Who has asked this of you?

“The multitude of your sacrifices---what are they to me?....who asked this of you, this trampling of my courts?”  Isaiah 1:11-12

                                    I rushed into His presence,

                                    To say a prayer or two,

                                    I heard a voice whisper,

                                    “Who has asked this of you?”

                                    A check dropped in the offering,

                                    The pride was wrong, I knew.

                                    I heard a voice behind me,

                                    “Who has asked this of you?”

                                    I lit incense and candles,

                                    As the flame and perfume grew,

                                    A haunting voice questioned,

                                    “Who has asked this of you?”

                                    I sang a worship chorus,

                                    The words I mouthed weren’t true,

                                    I heard a voice like thunder,

                                    “Who has asked this of you?”

                                    “This trampling of my courts,

                                    This hasty running through,

                                    This thoughtless careless worship,

                                    Who has asked this of you?”

Pregnant? Need a place to live?

Brook Haven House is a lovely Victorian home located in the village of Carthage, NY.  It is staffed by warm and caring house-parents who are waiting to receive young ladies who are pregnant and in need of a safe place to live.

Brook Haven House is a Christian Maternity Home which has four private bedrooms with shared bathroom and laundry facilities.  Meals are prepared and shared family style.  Located near the center of the village, it is within easy walking distance of banks, a drug store, beauty salons, churches, the library, the post office and other shops.  Hospital services are minutes away.

Services offered at Brook Haven House include:  transportation to doctor’s appointments, GED/tutoring, on site visits by public health nurses, instruction in natural childbirth, financial planning, and help with homemaking, parenting, family planning and other life-skills.  There is also help in making the transition to independent living when the young lady is ready.  A young mother may stay at the home until her baby’s first birthday.

Brook Haven House has a broad base of support in the community, both from many different religious denominations and also from local businesses. 

If you are a young lady in need of a home during your pregnancy, or if you are a professional looking for a referral source, please contact:

Brook Haven House

P.O. Box 44

Carthage, NY 13619

(315) 493-1735

Website:  www.brookhavenhouse.org

Although this home is in northern New York, referrals are accepted from anywhere.  Past residents of the home have come from New York City and other locations around the state.  Please give Brook Haven a call, if you are looking for this type of assistance.

Even so, Come

A New Year,

Sweep away the old,

Earthquake

Oil Spill

War

Economic woes.

A ball drop,

Welcomes the new,

Encouragement

Optimism

Hope

Better times ahead.

But, under the sun,

Nothing is new.

Today North Korea

Threatens

War

Nuclear holocaust.

There will be

More difficulties.

Disasters

Natural or

Manmade

Personal and national.

The human race

Muddles on through

Days

Year

Centuries

Both “somehow” and triumphantly.

An endpoint will come,

For human history or

For my own life.

Someday

Some year

This one?

Even so, Come, Lord Jesus.

Angels in Blue

I have a daughter who is the adult version of ADHD.  Her lack of focus causes her to constantly “shoot herself in the foot.”  When she was little, well-meaning folks would tell us that if we didn’t intervene, and she suffered the consequences of her behavior, she would eventually learn.  What they didn’t understand is that she DID suffer the consequences of her behavior over and over and over again.  She is nearly 40 and is still doing so.

A couple of months ago this inability to keep the pieces of her life put together caused her to allow her auto insurance to lapse.  Most of us would not have allowed this to happen, because we pay attention to things like bills and notices of termination.  But, she went on her merry and oblivious way.  Early in December she was short on money and hoping she could make it to and from work with the gas in the tank.  She got to work, but not home.  She left the car on the side of the road, hitch-hiked home, and begged a few dollars here and there from neighbors, planning to hitch-hike back with a can of gas.  By this time, a passing policeman had noticed the car, run the plate numbers, and determined that her insurance had lapsed for 15 days in September.  The plates were confiscated and the car impounded.

Daughter has trouble holding a job…of course.  Someone who lacks focus does have difficulty showing up on time and doing their work. Besides that, when one is doing the modern equivalent of "ditch-digging," one is not always treated well by employers, and she has gotten some rotten deals.  She has done relatively well at the current job and desperately wants to keep it.  So, for the 15 days she had to go without plates and therefore, her car, she tried every conceivable way of getting to work.  She apparently wore out the generosity and patience of all her friends, acquaintances and enemies.  A couple of nights ago, the person who was to pick her up at 9 PM and take her home, did not show up.

And so it was, that after 10 PM, she called me sobbing.  I, by the way, live at the other end of the state, so I could not help her.  She was trying to walk the 14 miles home in the dark and cold of December in New York.  She was walking with traffic on a busy highway hoping someone would take pity and pick her up.  I could hear the cars whizzing by.  She called 3 times, as it became increasingly apparent that she simply couldn’t walk 14 miles in the cold.  I tried to think of possible solutions to the dilemma.  The buses don’t run after 9 PM.  A taxi all the way home would take more money than she had.  She talked of trying to go to a friend’s house along the way, or spending the night in the bus station.  Finally, I suggested that she try finding a shelter….she was within the limits of a small city…perhaps, the city had some shelters. 

Between these phone calls, I prayed.  “Oh, Lord,” I said, “I have no idea how to solve this problem.  She isn’t safe.  Please have mercy.  In your grace, send her an angel.  I don’t know what else to pray for.”

She called back a few minutes later.  She had called the police, and they were coming to pick her up.  I thought that if there was a shelter available, surely they would know of it.  I couldn’t go to sleep wondering where she was, and if she would be safe and warm.

The phone rang again.  “I’m home,” she said.

The policeman who had picked her up had been given permission to take her as far as the interstate exit nearest her home.  He had pushed a bit beyond his permission and delivered her to her doorstep.

The next day, she walked the 3-plus miles to the end of the bus route and caught the bus in to the DMV.  She picked up her plates, took the bus back to the end of the route, and began the 3-plus mile walk home.  Along came a different policeman, who picked her up, lectured her about the dangers of walking with the traffic on a busy highway, and delivered her to her front door.

I have no idea what municipalities these two policemen work for……city, county or state.  That is, I don’t know who pays them.  I do know who they were working for in regard to this story.  They were the answer to my prayers.  God sent some “angels in blue.”