Discarding the Shroud

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.
He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever.  Isaiah 25:1, 7, 8

My mother died in my home in 1998.  Because she was under the care of Hospice, she did not need to go to the hospital to be pronounced dead.  The funeral director and his assistant came right to the house to pick her up.  As I waited for them to arrive, I pictured them taking her out in a black plastic body bag, and this was a chilling thought. The day was cold and snowy.  Black plastic seemed so harsh and lacking in any comfort.  But, when the undertaker arrived, I realized that the body bag was soft blue corduroy.  Perhaps it was lined with black plastic, but that is not what I saw.  I saw my Mother's favorite color and something that would enfold her as she traveled through the snow to the hearse.  Such a small thing...but, it has come to my mind more times than I can recount over the years.  Always, there is a sense of peace in the mental image of her body shrouded in soft blue fabric.

But...what if the shroud could be not only changed to something comforting, but totally discarded?  What if death could be swallowed up in victory forever?  What if the one thing we can be sure of, in addition to taxes, never happened again?

That is the message of Easter.  In rising from the dead, Christ has forever conquered death.  Death only has power as long as He allows it.  He planned long ago to release man from the grasp of certain death.  He has not just changed the shroud into something more aesthetic.  He has destroyed the shroud!

That is the message of Easter.

Here is my response:  I will exalt and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things!

Sanctity of Life, Sanctity of Death

I was mesmerized, the first time I saw them, by a strange sameness in the moments of birth and death.  A baby emerged from the birth canal looking like a lump of limp, blue-tinged plastic, but then, he breathed, shrieked, turned pink, and put all four limbs into motion.  An elderly woman made a final gasp.  The color drained from her already pale face, and as she became tinged with blue, earthly life ended.  I was in my late teens and awestruck the first time I saw each of these moments in the continuum of life.

Within the past year, I have been present at the moment of death for two close relatives.  Both were elderly.  Both expressed a desire to leave and go to be with Jesus.  One slipped away quietly, his breaths becoming increasingly shallow and further apart.  The other breathed heavily until the last gasp, as though she was climbing a steep hill and striving with all her might to reach the top.

Families struggle with difficult decisions leading up to these moments.  Last summer I walked into my uncle’s hospital room and was immediately handed a consent form.  As his health proxy, they wanted me to give consent for a transfusion he was refusing.  He had been battling cancer for seven years.  His doctors had told him he could tolerate no more chemo and had removed the port.  He saw no reason to postpone the inevitable, and that being his wish, I did not sign the consent either.

My mother-in-law stopped eating two or three days before she died.  We stopped trying to feed her.  She could no longer swallow and choked even on soft foods.  She had previously given instructions that she never wanted a feeding tube.  This was especially difficult on one of the family members.  He felt that withholding food was too close to euthanasia.  Most of us felt that what we were doing was bowing to her wishes and not doing anything to increase or prolong her discomfort.

How do you sort out end of life issues?

How do you sort out beginning of life issues?

I was in my 40s when I became pregnant the last time.  The doctors repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to continue the pregnancy.  I refused amniocentesis three times.  I was required to go to genetic counseling for my doctor’s “legal protection.”  Certainly, I could have had a child with birth defects, but by God’s grace, I had a healthy baby boy.  I do not view this as God’s reward for making the “right decision,” and I would not presume to make the decision for another person.

I am not prepared to say that someone who is pregnant as a result of rape must accept this as God’s will and continue the pregnancy.  I think if I had been raped during my child-bearing years at a time when conception was likely, I would have taken the “morning after pill” with a totally clear conscience.  However, if that had not been available, I would have had a much harder time with having an abortion after the pregnancy was established.

I view abortion as a horrific means of birth control, and at a minimum, disrespectful of life, but I stop short of viewing it as murder.  Why do I have trouble with abortion being murder?

1.       It is unclear to me exactly when life begins, and I don’t think any human being is wise enough to figure this out, although many claim to do so.

a.       Genesis 2:7  The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.  Was this a one time thing for the first man or does life begin for all of us with the first breath?  Or perhaps at the point in development when the fetus is capable of sustaining respiration?  I don’t know the answer to that.

b.      Psalm 139:13  You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb..my frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place..  This is often used as an argument for life beginning right from the outset of the developmental process.  But, could this also be interpreted as God foreknowing those who will be born?  I don’t know the answer to that.

c.       Exodus 21:22   If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely (or she has a miscarriage) but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows.  But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye…etc.  So if this means that a murder has only occurred if the woman dies, then it would seem that the baby is not yet viewed as fully a human being.  But, is that what it means or does it mean serious injury to either mother or child?  This passage can be twisted to fit ones already determined viewpoint, and I don’t know which of the interpretations is correct.

2.   If abortion is ever murder then it is always murder is troubling to me.

a.         If it is really murder, then killing abortionists is totally logical.    However, I have real difficulty with this being what God would have me to do regarding abortionists.  But, if I believe abortion is murder, isn’t it the logical conclusion?  So maybe something is wrong with the premise that it is always murder.

b.      In the Old Testament causing a death was not always murder.  A person who had killed another could flee to a City of Refuge where he would be protected until his case was heard.  So, maybe there is room for being something less than rigid in this notion.

3.     I struggle with the fact that the same people who believe that abortion is murder are often conservatives who believe in the death penalty.  Something about this just doesn’t make any sense to me.  And, if one is to be consistent, shouldn’t those who believe abortion is murder, also be pacifists?  I have trouble formulating a consistent and coherent world view with “abortion is murder” as one of the tenets.

4.      If God had clearly stated in the Bible that abortion is murder and had defined exactly when life begins, I would with no hesitation follow His directive.  But, He did not do that.

On the other hand, it is clearly stated:

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.  Matthew 5:21

Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.  I John 3:15

So….I know that I am to love my brother, but I cannot resolve these issues that deal with the intersection between life and death.  As a believer and someone who holds life to be sacred, I can only adhere to God’s specific directives and earnestly pray for guidance in the areas where He has not spoken clearly.

I believe that the end of life and the beginning of life give us a split second peek into the window of eternity.  The glimpse, although gone in a flash, pierces the depths of our souls and increases our desire to someday see the face of God and “know as we are known.” 

It is an immense privilege to be present when someone is born or when someone dies.  Both moments are sacred.

Did He Wait for Me?

When I learned on Tuesday that my uncle, who lived in western New York, was weakening and probably would not live much longer, I was literally on my way out the door to the Southern Tier of New York to try to help one of my daughters with a crisis she was facing.  


Since I couldn't hurry to see him on Tuesday, my dear sister-in-law Kathy got up early on Wednesday and drove  the 3-plus hours to be with him.  We didn't want him to die alone.  He has lived much too much of his life alone...seemingly by his own choice, but we still didn't want him dying alone.  


Kathy and I talked a number of times on Wednesday, as my husband and I tried to get away and head in his direction. At one point, Kathy said, she had told him that I was coming and he smiled.  He was no longer speaking.  Finally by late afternoon, we felt our daughter's situation was stable enough to leave her temporarily.


The weather was terrible...the rain was coming down heavily.  The traffic was also heavy...lots of trucks kicking up spray and reducing visibility.  My husband drove like a maniac anyway, and we did not stop for supper.  We arrived at the nursing home about 8:45 pm.  My husband dropped me at the front door, and said that he would take care of getting our belongings to the guest room.  I hurried to my uncle's room.  As I entered, the nurse had the stethoscope on his chest and was telling my sister-in-law that in spite of the fact that she could not get a blood pressure, his heart was ticking along just fine.


I touched him on the shoulder and told him I had come.  I sat down next to him and stroked his arm and his forehead.  His eyes stared out with no sign of recognition and no acknowledgement.  My sister-in-law stepped into the hall.  Later she told me, she had said to the nurse, he would be able to let go now that I had arrived.


Less than 5 minutes later, his breathing changed.  His respirations became more shallow.  A couple more minutes and he began to pause between breaths.....5 seconds, 10 seconds, and then he went 30 seconds with no breaths.  I almost called the nurse, but as I started to do so,  there was another breath.  Then I waited a full minute....nothing.  I could feel no pulse.  I called the nurse.  She listened with her stethoscope.  It was 9:09 pm.  I had been there less than 20 minutes.


Kathy,the nurse, the social worker and others all say that he waited for me.


Strange as it sounds, I think that is just what he did.

Shortly I am going to quit working.....

Eight days ago my mother-in-law had two seizures.  She had been in a nursing home for the past two months, because of a stroke.  The seizures seemed to indicate a new stroke had occurred.  She was transferred from the nursing home to the hospital.  Between Sunday and Tuesday, she seemed to be making progress toward recovering sufficiently to go back to the nursing home and resume rehab.  We expected the transfer to occur Wednesday morning.


But...
Tuesday afternoon she went into atrial fibrillation.  Her heart rate became way too rapid.  Numerous attempts to bring the rate down with both oral and IV medications were unsuccessful.  Her urinary output dropped significantly in spite of being on IV hydration.   She began having difficulty swallowing.  By Friday, it appeared that she had developed aspiration pneumonia.


Thursday night, my husband and I got out her living will and reread it.  Friday morning, I told the doctor what she had indicated in the living will.  He said that we were now at a point where we needed to decide whether to attempt aggressive treatment or switch to just "comfort measures."


Over the prior two days, she had on several occasions indicated to me that she was tired of fighting and just wanted to go see Jesus.  When my father-in-law arrived on Friday morning, although she had seemed increasingly weak, she stated forcefully, "Now, I am going to tell you something you probably already know.  I am going to see the Lord soon."


Later when the doctor asked for the decision, he said that he just wanted her to be comfortable.  Some of her medications were discontinued and the IV hydration was removed.  Pain medications were available as needed.


Late Friday she said to me, "Shortly I am going to quit working."


I have pondered that sentence.  Because she has experienced some confusion, I could imagine that she thought she was a young mother who had spent the day tending to her children, doing the laundry, working in the garden and a host of other tasks.  She had worked hard all day and was about ready to sit down and relax.  I could also imagine that she knew that she was in her nineties and living in a worn and fragile body.  She was so, so tired and needed to give up the fight and rest in the arms of Jesus.  Either way her opinion on what needed to happen was clear.


Family arrived to say goodbyes late Friday and on Saturday.  We brought a keyboard into her room and played and sang old hymns of the church that were her favorites on Saturday evening and Sunday.  Sunday afternoon we decided that some of the family members were in need of decent sleep.  The plan was for my husband and me to stay with her until 2 AM Monday morning and then my husband's two brothers would arrive and take the next shift.


Shortly after 11 PM on Sunday, she decided she had worked long enough and hard enough and it was time to quit.  She had been breathing very rapidly for several hours.  Finally and mercifully, two quick gasps were followed by silence.  She went to heaven for a much deserved rest.


Her work is done.


I am grateful for her life and for the rest she now has because of her trust in the Savior.

Oedipus at Colonus

Getting back to the “Great Books,” I just finished Oedipus at Colonus.  Blind and wretched Oedipus is being led about by his daughter Antigone, and they end up at Colonus, just outside of Athens.  Oedipus begs King Theseus of Athens to protect him and his daughters (Ismene has also joined him).  Oedipus retells his story convincing King Theseus that his sins were unintentional and that he, therefore, deserves the sympathy and help of Theseus.  To this Theseus agrees….and just in the nick of time, for shortly Creon arrives and snatches Antigone and Ismene away.  Theseus and his men pursue and return the girls to their father.

After this, Polyneices, Oedipus’ elder son arrives and tries to convince his father to return home to Thebes.  Oedipus refuses, being convinced that Polyneices means him harm, and that his destiny is at Colonus.

Oedipus believes that his death is impending and that he is meant to die in a place and manner unknown to anyone but Theseus.   This is to bring peace and blessing on Theseus and his kingdom.  He and Theseus exit out of the view of Antigone, Ismene and the local elders.  When Theseus returns Oedipus is not with him.  Theseus will not reveal the location of his tomb.

Interesting passages:

Oedipus:  ‘Tis little to lift age, when youth was ruined.  By this he means that having had his early years ruined by tragedy he didn’t see coming and couldn’t prevent, being exalted in old age has little meaning.  I don’t think I agree with this.  Salvation is still salvation, even if it is at the stroke of midnight.

The chorus:  No man is visited by fate, if he requites deeds which were first done to himself; deceit on the one part matches deceits on the other, and gives pain, instead of benefit, for reward.  Seeking revenge usually turns out badly!  Strange how centuries later, men have to keep relearning this principle.

Oedipus:  And, had these daughters not been born to be my comfort, verily I had been dead, for aught of help from thee (spoken to Polyneices).  Now, these girls preserve me, these my nurses, these who are men, not women, in true service:  but ye are aliens, and no sons of mine.  Well, here’s something that is almost universally true in present times.  Generally, it is the daughters who provide care to aging parents, not the sons.  There are, of course, exceptions, but the role of caregiver typically falls to the oldest or geographically nearest daughter.

Messenger:  But by what doom Oedipus perished, no man can tell, save Theseus alone.  No fiery thunderbolt of the god removed him in that hour, nor any rising of storm from the sea, but either a messenger from the gods, or the world of the dead, the nether adamant, riven for him in love, without pain.  For the passing of the man was not with lamentation, or in sickness and suffering, but, above mortal’s, wonderful.  So after a life of agony, Oedipus passed through death and beyond without pain and suffering.  I don’t know of anyone who wants to go through pain and suffering.  We all hope for a sudden and painless end.  The problem is that most of us don’t get our wish.  It seems appropriate that given the suffering of his early life, Oedipus should have a more peaceful end.

But, this is just a story.  

I Don't Want to Live to Be Ninety

I had my annual physical this week.  I told my doctor that I don’t want to live to be ninety.  He advised me not to come to him if that was the case.  I told him that at some point I would stop making appointments.

As I look toward old age, I seriously don’t know how to proceed.  Do I keep seeking routine medical care and gradually slide into multiple prescriptions that keep me going and prolong my days?  Do I go my merry and un-medicated way hoping that at some point, I will have within me a ticking time bomb that suddenly explodes and takes me out quickly?

I have seen what the tenth decade looks like.  My father lived until a month shy of 91.  My in-laws are currently 92 and 93.   All have by the age of 90 been quite deaf and experiencing vision problems in spite of cataract surgery.  All have been on many, many medications.  All have had issues of balance and mobility.  All have become rather grumpy.

It is heart-breaking to see people who have been married over 70 years struggling to communicate, because they cannot hear one another.  When one raises ones voice loudly enough to be heard, the tone begins to sound disrespectful.  Irritability ensues. 

My father lived with us the last eight years of his life.  My in-laws stubbornly live in their own home.  Many people say some version of, “Oh, isn’t it wonderful that they are still in their own home?!”  Actually, I don’t think so.  They can no longer keep up with house maintenance, car maintenance, paying bills, fixing meals and some aspects of personal care.  We stop in often.  They have help with laundry and cleaning and personal care and yard work.  But it isn’t really enough.  The bathroom is neither safe nor convenient, but they have refused our offers to help them make the changes that would benefit them.

I really don’t want to find myself in that situation.  But, what is the alternative?  I don’t believe in suicide.  If you check yourself into a senior center that provides levels of care….independent living, assisted living, and nursing home care, you have only solved some of the problems.  You are out from under the maintenance issues and the struggle to find appropriate help as ability declines.  But, if you are not fortunate enough to keel over abruptly, you have locked yourself into gradual decline in a skilled nursing facility where multiple medications and good nursing care could keep you around to die inch by inch for years.

While I recognize that I need to trust God to pick the time of my death, I do think we can influence quality of life by our basic health habits, the medications we chose to take, and the surgical procedures we opt for or against.  However, no matter how well I take care of myself, the possibility always exists of a drunk driver hitting me head-on or a "nut case" being near me with a loaded gun.  But then, that is not terribly upsetting to me, because death is NOT the worst thing that can happen to me.  Since I pray regularly for His will to be done, I would have to believe that an incident that suddenly terminated me was not outside of His plan.

I would like to live long enough for all my grandchildren to be able to remember me as a person who loved God and desired to honor Him.  I would like to live as long as I am accomplishing God’s purposes for my life.  I want out, at the point where my death accomplishes more than my life.  That is what I will pray for!