Sanctity of Life, Sanctity of Death

I was mesmerized, the first time I saw them, by a strange sameness in the moments of birth and death.  A baby emerged from the birth canal looking like a lump of limp, blue-tinged plastic, but then, he breathed, shrieked, turned pink, and put all four limbs into motion.  An elderly woman made a final gasp.  The color drained from her already pale face, and as she became tinged with blue, earthly life ended.  I was in my late teens and awestruck the first time I saw each of these moments in the continuum of life.

Within the past year, I have been present at the moment of death for two close relatives.  Both were elderly.  Both expressed a desire to leave and go to be with Jesus.  One slipped away quietly, his breaths becoming increasingly shallow and further apart.  The other breathed heavily until the last gasp, as though she was climbing a steep hill and striving with all her might to reach the top.

Families struggle with difficult decisions leading up to these moments.  Last summer I walked into my uncle’s hospital room and was immediately handed a consent form.  As his health proxy, they wanted me to give consent for a transfusion he was refusing.  He had been battling cancer for seven years.  His doctors had told him he could tolerate no more chemo and had removed the port.  He saw no reason to postpone the inevitable, and that being his wish, I did not sign the consent either.

My mother-in-law stopped eating two or three days before she died.  We stopped trying to feed her.  She could no longer swallow and choked even on soft foods.  She had previously given instructions that she never wanted a feeding tube.  This was especially difficult on one of the family members.  He felt that withholding food was too close to euthanasia.  Most of us felt that what we were doing was bowing to her wishes and not doing anything to increase or prolong her discomfort.

How do you sort out end of life issues?

How do you sort out beginning of life issues?

I was in my 40s when I became pregnant the last time.  The doctors repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to continue the pregnancy.  I refused amniocentesis three times.  I was required to go to genetic counseling for my doctor’s “legal protection.”  Certainly, I could have had a child with birth defects, but by God’s grace, I had a healthy baby boy.  I do not view this as God’s reward for making the “right decision,” and I would not presume to make the decision for another person.

I am not prepared to say that someone who is pregnant as a result of rape must accept this as God’s will and continue the pregnancy.  I think if I had been raped during my child-bearing years at a time when conception was likely, I would have taken the “morning after pill” with a totally clear conscience.  However, if that had not been available, I would have had a much harder time with having an abortion after the pregnancy was established.

I view abortion as a horrific means of birth control, and at a minimum, disrespectful of life, but I stop short of viewing it as murder.  Why do I have trouble with abortion being murder?

1.       It is unclear to me exactly when life begins, and I don’t think any human being is wise enough to figure this out, although many claim to do so.

a.       Genesis 2:7  The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.  Was this a one time thing for the first man or does life begin for all of us with the first breath?  Or perhaps at the point in development when the fetus is capable of sustaining respiration?  I don’t know the answer to that.

b.      Psalm 139:13  You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb..my frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place..  This is often used as an argument for life beginning right from the outset of the developmental process.  But, could this also be interpreted as God foreknowing those who will be born?  I don’t know the answer to that.

c.       Exodus 21:22   If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely (or she has a miscarriage) but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows.  But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye…etc.  So if this means that a murder has only occurred if the woman dies, then it would seem that the baby is not yet viewed as fully a human being.  But, is that what it means or does it mean serious injury to either mother or child?  This passage can be twisted to fit ones already determined viewpoint, and I don’t know which of the interpretations is correct.

2.   If abortion is ever murder then it is always murder is troubling to me.

a.         If it is really murder, then killing abortionists is totally logical.    However, I have real difficulty with this being what God would have me to do regarding abortionists.  But, if I believe abortion is murder, isn’t it the logical conclusion?  So maybe something is wrong with the premise that it is always murder.

b.      In the Old Testament causing a death was not always murder.  A person who had killed another could flee to a City of Refuge where he would be protected until his case was heard.  So, maybe there is room for being something less than rigid in this notion.

3.     I struggle with the fact that the same people who believe that abortion is murder are often conservatives who believe in the death penalty.  Something about this just doesn’t make any sense to me.  And, if one is to be consistent, shouldn’t those who believe abortion is murder, also be pacifists?  I have trouble formulating a consistent and coherent world view with “abortion is murder” as one of the tenets.

4.      If God had clearly stated in the Bible that abortion is murder and had defined exactly when life begins, I would with no hesitation follow His directive.  But, He did not do that.

On the other hand, it is clearly stated:

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment.  Matthew 5:21

Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.  I John 3:15

So….I know that I am to love my brother, but I cannot resolve these issues that deal with the intersection between life and death.  As a believer and someone who holds life to be sacred, I can only adhere to God’s specific directives and earnestly pray for guidance in the areas where He has not spoken clearly.

I believe that the end of life and the beginning of life give us a split second peek into the window of eternity.  The glimpse, although gone in a flash, pierces the depths of our souls and increases our desire to someday see the face of God and “know as we are known.” 

It is an immense privilege to be present when someone is born or when someone dies.  Both moments are sacred.

Irony

This morning as I exercised in the hotel fitness room, the television was tuned to HLN.  The reporter read a story in a totally neutral tone about a billboard that had been taken down, because of its message:  “The most dangerous place for an African-America is in the womb.”  The billboard message was obviously placed by an anti-abortion group and created a major uproar.

The next story, read in an oh-how-sad tone was about dead baby dolphins washing up on the Gulf shores.

Oh, the irony.

In our society it is perfectly acceptable to intentionally kill unborn African-American babies, but we are supposed to feel guilty that our actions (i.e. the Gulf oil spill) may be causing dolphin deaths.

Something is radically wrong with our collective reasoning.

Choosing Life

I caught a bit of the Larry King show a couple nights ago. Representatives from Focus on the Family and NOW were going at each other over the controversial ad scheduled to play during the Superbowl this Sunday.

Apparently Focus on the Family developed this ad based on the story of a very talented college quarterback whose mother was encouraged to abort him. They see the ad as a celebration of choosing life. NOW sees it as anti-abortion and disrespectful of a woman's right to chose.

I may have to actually watch the Superbowl this year...or not. The ad will probably appear on the internet as soon as it has played during the game.

In any event, it made me think about my own experience. I became pregnant just about 24 years ago, two months before my 41st birthday. Our youngest child at the time was 13, and the "empty nest" was in sight. We had not planned the pregnancy. We had been using birth control, but.... even the mathematically gifted occasionally make miscalculations.

Neither my husband nor I were upset by the news. Although we thought we had our hands full with the children we already had, I had told God many times over the years that if He, in His wisdom, knew we should have another child, that was just fine with me. So, both my husband and I reacted with an "oh-what-a-good-idea-why-didn't-we-think-of-that" attitude.

My OB-GYN group did not share this line of thought. They stamped "High Risk--Advanced Maternal Age" in red letters on the outside of my chart. They told me that I had to go to genetic counseling for their legal protection, so that they could document that I understood the risks of continuing the pregnancy. Three times they urged me to have an amniocentesis. Three times I turned it down.

I found all this quite annoying, because:

1. I am a nurse. I knew perfectly well what the risks were.

2. I was quite aware of the increased incidence of Down's Syndrome in older parents.

3. We had already adopted a daughter who had a physical disability. How could I consider NOT continuing the pregnancy? What message would that have sent to her?

4. Anything treatable prenatally would have been found on the ultrasound, not through amniocentesis. The only reason for that procedure would have been if I would consider an abortion.

I knew that the genetic counselor would sketch out a family tree and put every possible negative thing in the squares and circles, so I made my own family tree and put every positive thing in the squares and circles....artistic ability, musical talent, obvious high intelligence, creativity, organizational skills, etc. Although my personal decision wasn't based on logic and probability, by the time I finished my chart, I was convinced the odds were in our favor.

Of course, I never believed this was a roll of the dice. I just thought that might make more sense to people who don't put God in the equation, and make them stop nagging me.

So...what did God send us? Where do I begin?

Our only son.

A sweet toddler who verbalized his love for me in the era when his teenage sisters were sassing me.

A genuinely cute kid with a great sense of humor.

A child who never rocked the boat....from the get-go he behaved as though listening to one's parents was the only reasonable approach to life. Displeasing his parents was, in his mind, counterproductive.

Not once, did he give me grief over taking out the garbage.

His room was NOT a pig sty.

When he visits us now, he goes out of his way to be helpful.

He did, however, make a liar out of my husband. When I told my husband that I was pregnant. The first words out of his mouth were, "Oh....I will be 65 before the kid finishes college!"

Our son took his first college course at the age of 13, finished his Bachelors at the age of 19 and his Masters at the age of 20. Then he went out and found himself a real adult job. My husband was only 63 at that point and didn't mind in the least that he had been proven wrong.

I know that this story could have been different. I know I could now be struggling with what to do about a disabled child as I age. I'd like to think that God would have provided me with the strength to deal with those challenges. Our son...and our other children....have and continue to bring challenges into our lives. So far, God has been faithful in helping us to cope. I have no reason to think He will not continue to do so.

Becoming a parent is always a risk. I don't know any other way to approach this rather frightening proposition than with faith, and today, I am celebrating my choice.