I Don't Want to Live to Be Ninety

I had my annual physical this week.  I told my doctor that I don’t want to live to be ninety.  He advised me not to come to him if that was the case.  I told him that at some point I would stop making appointments.

As I look toward old age, I seriously don’t know how to proceed.  Do I keep seeking routine medical care and gradually slide into multiple prescriptions that keep me going and prolong my days?  Do I go my merry and un-medicated way hoping that at some point, I will have within me a ticking time bomb that suddenly explodes and takes me out quickly?

I have seen what the tenth decade looks like.  My father lived until a month shy of 91.  My in-laws are currently 92 and 93.   All have by the age of 90 been quite deaf and experiencing vision problems in spite of cataract surgery.  All have been on many, many medications.  All have had issues of balance and mobility.  All have become rather grumpy.

It is heart-breaking to see people who have been married over 70 years struggling to communicate, because they cannot hear one another.  When one raises ones voice loudly enough to be heard, the tone begins to sound disrespectful.  Irritability ensues. 

My father lived with us the last eight years of his life.  My in-laws stubbornly live in their own home.  Many people say some version of, “Oh, isn’t it wonderful that they are still in their own home?!”  Actually, I don’t think so.  They can no longer keep up with house maintenance, car maintenance, paying bills, fixing meals and some aspects of personal care.  We stop in often.  They have help with laundry and cleaning and personal care and yard work.  But it isn’t really enough.  The bathroom is neither safe nor convenient, but they have refused our offers to help them make the changes that would benefit them.

I really don’t want to find myself in that situation.  But, what is the alternative?  I don’t believe in suicide.  If you check yourself into a senior center that provides levels of care….independent living, assisted living, and nursing home care, you have only solved some of the problems.  You are out from under the maintenance issues and the struggle to find appropriate help as ability declines.  But, if you are not fortunate enough to keel over abruptly, you have locked yourself into gradual decline in a skilled nursing facility where multiple medications and good nursing care could keep you around to die inch by inch for years.

While I recognize that I need to trust God to pick the time of my death, I do think we can influence quality of life by our basic health habits, the medications we chose to take, and the surgical procedures we opt for or against.  However, no matter how well I take care of myself, the possibility always exists of a drunk driver hitting me head-on or a "nut case" being near me with a loaded gun.  But then, that is not terribly upsetting to me, because death is NOT the worst thing that can happen to me.  Since I pray regularly for His will to be done, I would have to believe that an incident that suddenly terminated me was not outside of His plan.

I would like to live long enough for all my grandchildren to be able to remember me as a person who loved God and desired to honor Him.  I would like to live as long as I am accomplishing God’s purposes for my life.  I want out, at the point where my death accomplishes more than my life.  That is what I will pray for!