Mother's Day....ah, yes. That day when we are supposed to feel all warm and cozy inside and extol the virtues of motherhood and the impact mother's have on their children.
Mother-child relationships are very complicated.....especially, mother-daughter relationships. In my experience little boys adore their mothers no matter what. Little girls may idolize their mothers initially, but in the teenage years, some of them decide to challenge just who is the alpha female in the household.
During my teens years, no harsh word passed between my mother and me. We both worked at interacting in a respectful manner. I was, in many ways, very different from my mother, but that was perfectly OK with her. Therefore, I was ill prepared for what happened when my daughters were teenagers. I should qualify that by saying that one of my daughters and I got along every bit as well as I had with my mother. The other two.....not so much. Fortunately for me, while two of my daughters were doing pretty much everything they could to push the boundaries and to make me feel that I was an awful person and a disgrace to motherhood, I had a toddler boy who thought the sun rose and set upon me. This provided some sorely needed balance in my life. I had not planned on having this son, but God knew I needed him!
So, now all three of my daughters are mothers. I watch them struggle with various issues, and I remember. When they were giving me a rough time, not once did I ever wish they would get a dose of their own medicine....I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I take no pleasure now in listening to their anguish.
As a mother, my only real wish was for my children to grow up loving and serving God. I genuinely believe that this is the only way to be truly happy and fulfilled in life, so it is what I desparately want for my children. Before I had kids, I told God, "I will take any child you send me....I don't care about gender, level of intelligence, appearance, whether biological or adopted, race, or even physical health. I care about whether they know and love you."
So after years spent trying to instill values and teach both directly and by example, a mother has no choice but to sit back and watch what happens. Sometimes she can rejoice, and other times she grieves and helps to pick up the pieces of a life shattered by poor choices.
In summary, I don't need to go to an amusement park on Mother's Day...motherhood itself is an extreme roller-coaster ride. Sometimes I shriek in glee and other times in terror.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
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