The Lonely Path

I did not mean to walk this path.

I stumble, slip and fall,

Blocked from the path I prefer,

By death’s impenetrable wall.

 

I did not make a wrong turn.

A landslide forced me here.

I do the best that I can do,

In spite of grief and fear.

 

The ground is so uneven,

I trip on jutting rock,

And then I hit loose gravel,

Or roots that interlock.

 

I wished to avoid it,

This painful lonely journey,

Without the one I dearly love,

But, this path was chosen for me.

Beyond Biocentrism--a Review

I just finished reading Beyond Biocentrism by Lanza & Berman.  I guess I should have known where it was going given the recommendation by Deepak Chopra. 

 

I was a bit surprised when I compared the definition of biocentrism to the content of the book.  Biocentrism is defined as “an ethical perspective holding that all life deserves equal moral consideration or has equal moral standing.”  That concept does not emerge as primary in this book.  Lanza (who seems to be the main author) discusses current physics in general and quantum theory in particular, as only being able to be understood through a biocentric viewpoint.  Never mind the fact that many physicists believe the one thing that you can understand about quantum theory is that it can’t be understood.

 

Some thoughts on the book:

In the second chapter Lanza states:  “By the time the Old Testament books were penned…a key point was a stationary Earth ruled by a single, easily upset God.  The rabbis of the time showed no inclination to question this prevailing worldview.  They duly filled the pages of Genesis and Deuteronomy with the flat-earth, glued-in-place mindset of their time…   Figuring out how nature operated was on nobody’s to-do list.  Indeed, the things that provoke our curiosity today—the nature of life and time and consciousness and the working of the brain—all would have seemed alien to early civilizations.”

 

I beg to differ!  Skipping over my discomfort with an “easily upset God,” let’s go to the flat-earth notion.  Having read through the Bible in its entirety multiple times, I have never seen the flat earth notion.  Job, which is believed to predate Genesis, refers to the earth as being suspended over nothing.  Chapter 26 also refers to the horizon on the face of the waters, which obviously could be observed to be curved.

 

I have to assume Lanza has never read the book of Job because it is full of deep philosophical questions.  What is the origin of pain, suffering and evil?  Why would an Almighty God pay any attention to us?  What is the purpose for our existence?  In chapters 38-41 of Job, the Lord asks Job a series of questions which touch on many of life’s mysteries.  I, of course, believe that the Bible is inspired and God-breathed, so man would not necessarily have come up with these questions by himself, but he is certainly presented with them.  Keep in mind that the book of Job is believed to be the oldest book of the Bible.  If it was not God-inspired, humans were already pondering the imponderables.

 

Lanza also states that the ancients (i.e. authors of the Old Testament) “may have been onto something” as they frequently mention “light” which is a “central character in Reality’s puzzle.”  He equates light and energy in this passage.  I am astounded that any scientist can dismiss the fact that Genesis begins with the statement “Let there be light.”  How could the uninformed ancients possibly have known that the first created thing had to be energy?  Of course, a Creator could have known that light and the energy it represents was the way to begin.  It appears that Lanza dismisses this as a lucky guess.

 

The book spends quite a bit of time on the idea that “time” doesn’t really exist except as a creation of our own minds in order to function in life.  “There are places in the universe where only a single second of events pass while a millions years’ worth of activities simultaneously elapses here on Earth.”  II Peter 3:8 seems to indicate that God lives outside of time stating that “with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”  Genesis 1 states that God created the sun and moon to “serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years.”  In other words, He made them for the benefit of human beings to be able to keep track of time.  He doesn’t need them.  Timelessness is nothing new.

 

Several false statements are made regarding the beliefs of creationists and proponents of intelligent design, but then Lanza states “Give them this.  When they complain that the creation of the eye’s architecture cannot be explained by natural selection, and some scientists respond by summarily dismissing them, it is the latter who are guilty of sloppy reasoning.”  He correctly takes evolutionists to task, although not for the same reasons I would as a believer in an intelligent Creator.

 

Quite a bit of time is spent on the idea of consciousness and the fact that no one has an adequate explanation for how it “evolved” or came into being.  We all have it, but science can’t explain where it came from.  I believe that when God said “let us make man in our image,” he was not talking about physical form, but about consciousness of self, the ability to be creative, and the ability to make choices.  Consciousness is one of God’s gifts.  Having also recently read an article on Artificial Intelligence, I very much doubt that a computer will ever gain self-awareness, even if it can recognize itself in a mirror.

 

The book clearly states that “randomness is not a tenable hypothesis” for the finely tuned cosmos that allows for the existence of the earth and life on it.  But, just the time one thinks Lanza may be arguing for the existence of an intelligent Creator, we learn that by some mystical means we have created all this ourselves.  We are “one” with everything that surrounds us.  We “create” things by observing them.  This ties in with quantum theory where photons and electrons are waves until they are observed and then materialize as particles which can be measured and their location determined.

 

Co-author Berman takes his turn to describe a life-altering experience in which he realized his oneness with everything and felt over-whelming peace.  The eastern vs the western mind is discussed.  The eastern mind can simultaneously hold seemingly conflicting thoughts….such as light is both a wave and a particle.  But, this can be applied to all areas.  It seems we need to abandon our notion that time and space are “real.”  They are only constructs of our mind.

 

About this place in the book, I wrote in the margin “flirting with schizophrenia?”  Then I came upon “Don’t trouble yourself with endless questions about God, existence, destiny and all the rest.  Instead find out who is the person who wants to know such things.  A person who made such self-inquiries with all sincerity and good effort ultimately could find no one home.  He or she would discover that there is no separate individual self, only a stream of thoughts….one would clearly see that the “self” was either nothing at all …or the entire cosmos.”  Sounds suspiciously like, we are encouraged to become our own “god.” 

 

The very next chapter after I had decided this requires being out of touch with “reality,” he points out that in order to function in the world “we have appointments to keep.  We live in a society based on a shared notion of time and have to act accordingly if we’re not to be locked away in a psychiatric ward.”  Indeed!

 

The book actually says a lot that is correct.  In the concluding chapter:  “Science’s ever-growing twentieth-century assumption of a dumb, random universe, in which life arose by chance, had the secondary effect of isolating the human psyche from the cosmos….This together with the growing abandonment of religion, probably led to a sense that in a cosmos ruled by accidents…we humans need to exploit the environment and grab what we can.”

 

He sees biocentrism as the solution to man’s current dilemma.  I see the solution as a return to belief in a God who defines both justice and mercy, and who controls human history.  I am confident God understands dark matter, dark energy and quantum theory.  I am perfectly in agreement with scientists trying to gain additional knowledge about these areas.  Since God Himself defines Truth, anyone honestly searching for Truth will come face to face with God.

 

Lanza and Berman have found much truth, but they have not employed Occam’s Razor:  the theory that the simplest explanation is usually the best.  They have constructed a whole theory of biocentrism "entangled" with quantum theory instead of the much simpler explanation that there actually is a God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My First Beer

One summer in the 1960s, I was working as a nurse at a hospital in a small city near a military base.  When I came to work one morning, I was assigned to one patient and one only.  There was no ICU at the hospital.  ICUs were just coming into being, and this patient needed constant attention.

He had been admitted during the night, and he was a big, strong young man on temporary assignment at the military base.  He had unfortunately been drinking heavily the prior evening.  He became so drunk that he fell from a second-floor porch and landed on his head.  He reeked of beer.  No catheter had yet been inserted, so there was a urinal between his legs to catch what was coming out of his bladder.  It was foamy and smelled like beer.

Not only was he unconscious, but I saw some white material oozing from his ear.  I knew it was brain tissue and put it on a gauze square to show the doctor when he came in.  When the doctor arrived, he noticed it sitting on the bedside stand immediately…before I had a chance to call his attention to it.  He decided to do a tracheotomy and proceeded to do one right there in the room.  This was to no avail, however, as the young man died only about 3 hours later.  His brain injury was incompatible with life.

If I was ever tempted to drink beer, the smell of it and the memory of the appearance of his urine turned me away.  I have always found the odor of beer revolting.

So now I am 78 and have never tried to drink beer or had the least desire to do so.  This evening, my son-in-law offered me a drink of an imported beer (German) that has only 2 and ½% alcohol and a grapefruit base.  I said I would try a very small glass.  It did not have the distinctive smell, and I actually liked the taste…not enough to make it a habit, but it was interesting to try.

I did not have “trying beer” on my bucket list, but perhaps I will do what I do with “to do” lists.  Sometimes I put something that I have already done on my “to do” list, so I can cross something off.

No Replacement

 I put a large pillow on the end of the sofa.

When I lie down for a nap,

I think my head is in your lap.

 

I took your placemat from the table.

I know you are not there.

I wrap my arms around your chair.

 

I slide my hand across your side of the bed.

The blankets are still and cold.

There is no hand to hold.

 

I talk to handsome you in that photograph.

It is propped up in a chair.

Words hang unanswered in the air.

 

But that place that held my love for you,

Could that be empty?  Never!

Full and overflowing.  Forever and forever.

One Year Has Passed

A year has passed…

You have not come home from a business trip.

I have not heard you say, “Hi, Babes!”

I haven’t seen your running clothes hanging in the bathroom to dry.

You haven’t asked me to make a hot fudge sundae for you.

I haven’t seen you sitting on the other end of the couch or at the dinner table.

You haven’t described the pickleball games you played this morning.

I haven’t seen you working at your desk or attending a zoom meeting.

We haven’t walked to church holding hands.

You haven’t driven me to appointments.

You haven’t emptied the trash and taken care of recyclables.

We haven’t snuggled up to each other in bed.

We haven’t prayed together for our children and grandchildren.

I haven’t laid my head on your chest and heard your heart beating.

But…

I still talk to you.

And sometimes I feel as though you have your arms around me.

What does it mean to be "in love?"

I cannot forget watching the interview with Charles and Diana after they had become engaged.  They were asked if they were “in love.”  Diane responded positively, but Charles…like a stiff cold fish…said, “Whatever in love means.”

Diana should have removed the engagement ring, dropped it in Charles’ lap and walked away.  But Diana was only 19 years old, inexperienced and without the wisdom of age.  Charles was already in his 30s, experienced, and should have had wisdom, but apparently did not.

Although the ceremonies engaged in by the royalty are steeped in religious tradition, he apparently did not understand the meaning of the marriage vows.  In the Bible, a man is admonished to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. (Ephesians 5:25)  He is to protect and nurture his wife.  He is to make their relationship exclusive.  Charles was already “in love” with someone else.  Perhaps he thought he could keep the relationship with Diana exclusive.  But it is claimed that he told Diana that he refused to be the only Prince of Wales who didn’t have a mistress.  It doesn’t sound like he was committed to exclusivity.

Had Charles properly loved Camilla, he would have had the courage to admit his love for her and take the consequences.   Had he properly loved Diana, he would have had the self-control to focus on her and her needs, rather than his own.  If he had loved her, he would have maintained the relationship, and she would not have been out in the world seeking affection from other men.  She would not have been in a car with Dodi Fayed.  Her sons would not have grown up without their mother.

I did not watch the coronation.  I cannot respect a man who has behaved so badly. 

I cannot respect Donald Trump for similar reasons.

I do respect the men I see in the retirement community caring tenderly for their wives as they age.  The reverse is true also.  I see women standing by their husbands even in the face of physical and mental decline.   These are people who understand the marriage vows, and who will stand before God having followed the example of Christ.

I am grateful for a husband whose love was exclusive and unwavering.  Early on, we verbalized our commitment to grow old together.  I just wish “old” had meant more than his 79 years.

What Makes Me Cry?

I have never been a person who cried easily.  I decided before becoming an adult that crying accomplished nothing and often gave me a headache.  I could probably count on one hand the times in my adult life that I have cried prior to May 16, 2022.

But…

Since Bill’s death, I cry on a regular basis…as in multiple times a day, and sometimes it is not because of sadness over his absence in my life.  I just feel emotionally “raw” so that anything can push me over the edge.

In the past two days, I have cried for the following reasons:

*singing the song “In Christ Alone”

*reading that there are 1.7 million orphans wandering the streets of Cairo, Egypt

*thinking that Christ had to die in order for me to live eternally

*receiving a letter from the head of a Christian ministry describing the degree of commitment exhibited by some Christian workers in the face of danger to themselves

*reading that an adult male severely injured a two month old baby, because the baby had pulled on his nose ring

*finding that my husband had a stash of birthday/Valentine/other occasion cards addressed to me that he had never given me.  He must have been concerned that he might forget some year, so he had a supply in a file drawer all signed and with my name on the envelopes.

Those are the times coming to mind at the moment.  I think there have been some others. 

Well….there’s also writing this.