An Awkward Age

I spent most of my adult life thinking that age 14-15 was the most awkward age.  You are no longer a child, but neither are you fully adult.  You don’t know for sure what you want to do with your life, or if you do know, you haven’t figured out how to achieve it.  I felt as though turning 16 brought me out of the “Dark Ages” of my life.

No other stage of my life seemed all that unsettling.  The end of high school years and college were challenging times, but also exciting times full of new experiences.  Early marriage without kids was great.  Having a young family had its dark moments and times of total exhaustion, but also lots of enjoyable times going places and doing things with our children.  I was too busy to bother with a midlife crisis…well, other than having a baby in my 40s, but that allowed me to do lots of fun things over again.   I got a job that allowed for creativity and variety after the kids were launched, and we have enjoyed being empty nesters.  Now we have moved into retirement, and I feel like I have entered another awkward time period.

The 70s are a strange time.  I no longer have my full vigor, but neither am I totally broken down.  My energy level is nowhere near what it once was, but I don’t feel ready to be put out to pasture either.  So how exactly do I make productive use of my remaining years?  For example, the director of the church’s Vacation Bible School announced on Sunday that one key position not filled is the Bible teacher.  Now, I have been telling Bible stories for 60 years.  I started as a teenager.  Truthfully, I started as a kid.  I used to gather neighborhood children and tell them Bible stories and create crafts for them to do, but I was probably 14 or 15 when I was asked for the first time to be a Bible story teacher in an official capacity at a girl’s camp.  Over the years, I have taught every age group at some time in a Sunday School or Vacation Bible School.  My brain still works well enough to do this, but….my voice is weak.  I can’t project it as I once did.  So, I am at an awkward age.  My brain tells me “yes, you can do that” all the time.  My body says, “hey sister, I’m not planning to cooperate.”

I am currently working on a very creative sewing project.  My busy brain is excited, but I can only sit and work on it so long before my back says, “I’m going to keep causing you pain until you change positions.”  ARRRRRRGH!  Have I bitten off more than I can chew?  Or do I just need to “chew” more slowly than I did a decade or two ago?

In about 3 weeks, we are selling our house and moving into a small apartment we will keep in the north, while we begin living primarily at a retirement center in Florida.  I lay awake at night with my head spinning with all the things that need to happen in order to accomplish this move.  Then I am so tired during the day, that I don’t get many of what needs doing done. 

Being in my 70s is nearly as confusing as being a teenager!

 Who knew?????

Doing What Comes Naturally

I recently saw a Facebook disagreement over LGBTQ issues.  One of the parties put forth the argument that science proves that homosexual behavior is “normal,” because it is found in animals.

This is a false notion for multiple reasons.  Just because something is found in nature doesn’t mean it is appropriate.   Although some animals mate for life with one of the opposite sex, many animals are polygamous, but in the United States polygamy is illegal in humans.  Some animals are cannibalistic, but most human societies don’t condone that behavior.  So, although there are examples of homosexual behavior in animals, this is hardly reason for human beings to follow suit.

Even if homosexual attraction is “innate” in a human being, it does not mean those inclinations should be put into practice.  There are people who have a mental illness that causes them to habitually lie, but we don’t give them the green light to do it as they please.  We contradict their lies.  A schizophrenic is out of touch with reality, but we don’t play along with his delusions.  We try to reorient him to reality.  There are individuals who because of genetic makeup are prone to violent behavior.  We don’t tell them, “Go right ahead and maim or kill others.  You are just doing what comes naturally to you.”  Such individuals often end up in the prison system.  We are doing people with such tendencies a tremendous disservice if we try to normalize their behavior.

Whether in animals or humans, these deviations from the norm, or from what society accepts, are due to sin.  We live in a fallen world.  Much of what we see around us was not God’s intent.  His plan is that someday “the lion will lay down with the lamb.”  Violence and evil are not His choice.  Neither is homosexual conduct.  He makes it clear in both the Old and New Testaments that the plan is for one man and one woman to enter into a life-long relationship.  In both testaments, homosexual behavior is labeled as sinful and unacceptable.

HOWEVER, it is not the only sin! 

Someone once criticized me for inviting a homosexual couple to a party at my home.  The couple were neighbors, and I was inviting all neighbors.  The person who criticized me was at that point in his/her life behaving in a very promiscuous manner.  The Bible is very clear that is also SIN.  Sometimes those of us who believe in the truth of the Bible get distracted from the verse that says, “ALL have sinned.”  We come to believe that some sins are worse than others and are too quick to point the finger.  Gossip and gluttony are also condemned, and I have observed both of those among churchgoers.

I have made every attempt to treat people who are LGBTQ the same as I treat everyone.  Are they sinners?  Yes…but so are we all.  If they ask me, will I tell them such behavior is sinful.  Yes…but I will also love and support them in any way available to me without condoning the sin.  I will not buy booze for an alcoholic or a 2-pound box of chocolates for a glutton.  I will not offer a juicy tidbit to a gossip or give my leftover oxycodone to an addict.  If a schizophrenic asks me if I can see the white birds flying around his head, I will say ‘no.’  I will also speak the truth of God’s word to gay friends and family.

But, Jesus ate with sinners and called Pharisees (who were the religious leaders) “blind leaders of the blind.”  He came for the express purpose of both calling out sin and saving us from it.  What we are naturally inclined to do is often not in our best interest.  The apostle Paul talks quite a bit about the need to forsake the natural man and enter into a relationship with God through Christ becoming spiritual men.

Nature gives us interesting examples.  God gives us His Spirit to transform us.

Calling Hours

An acquaintance from a professional setting, who became a friend, passed away a few days ago.  The calling hours were today about a 40-minute drive from my home.  During the ride there and back, I was reflecting on the awkwardness that can result from trying to find the right thing to say to bereaved family…especially if you do not know them as well as you have known the deceased person.

I am sure there have been times when I have said something that was not the perfect thing to say, but I have at least attempted not to be totally insensitive.  I have, however, been on the receiving end of some really inappropriate remarks.  On one occasion, I stopped at the church where the service was to be held.  I had prepared a powerpoint presentation with pictures of the deceased family member and background music.  I took a copy on a memory stick to the church office so that it could be checked out ahead of time and ready to go for the memorial service.  The church secretary took it in to one of the pastors’ offices.  He proceeded to rant at her that he was doing something and certainly could not look at it now.  I could hear every word he said.  He should have known that I could.  I had not asked for it to be done right then….just that it be verified before the service so that it could be run smoothly.

Wow!  He did not come out of the office and express his sympathy and tell me he would do his best to see that everything was ready for the service.  He sat in his office and ranted at the secretary.  I wanted very badly to give him some unsolicited advice on how to behave toward someone who has just lost a family member. 

At my Mother’s memorial service, some wonderful things were said about her…every word of it was true.  She was a great lady and deserving of the praise.  But on the way out, one individual said to me, “Well, you’re never going to live up to that!” 

How on earth could that be construed as even remotely appropriate to say to a bereaved family member?  Maybe it is true.  Maybe I will never live up to the sweetness and goodness of my Mother.  The truth is that I don’t aspire to be like her.  We are very different people.  I need to aspire to be the best version of who I am.  In any case, insulting someone at a family member’s memorial service is a major faux pas.  I actually did not hold it against the woman.  I figured such situations are awkward and some people say the wrong thing instead of saying nothing, so I shrugged it off.  But I thought of it today, as I pondered what I could say.

The line was really long today.  I waited an hour and a half to see the family.  I tried to find something positive to say to each of them.  I hope I didn’t say anything that was in any way hurtful.  “I am sorry for your loss” seems so trite, and they must have heard it more that 100 times today, but that or just a hug or handshake is better than a thoughtless, careless remark.  Since none of them knew me, I shared with each of them how I had known the lovely lady, respected her, and valued her friendship.

Death is awkward.  It is a sure thing, but not a pleasant thing.  Death was not God’s original intent for us.  It rips a person out of the fabric of his or her family and leaves a gaping hole.  If we joke about it, it is just because we don’t want to stare it straight in the face.  But we need to remember that family who have suffered this loss have a raw wound.  We need to pour on a healing tonic…not a burning acid.

I don’t think there is much chance of the offenders mentioned here reading this, but if they do, I hope they recognize themselves and, in the future, pray for wisdom before they speak.

Should you "live your own truth?"

This past week, I heard a commencement speaker expound on the need to “live your own truth” instead of the truth assigned to you by others.  There was much in his speech with which I agreed.  I do believe you should not let other people define or limit you.  You should not allow others to emphasize your weaknesses and pigeon-hole you as someone who can only do this and not that.  It is healthy to enjoy your accomplishments and set goals which push you past previous limits.

But…

That is NOT the same thing as living your own truth.  How on earth do any of us figure out what our own truth is?  What if we are deluded?  What if our upbringing and prior experiences have impacted us in such subtle ways that we don’t even realize that our truth is really a composite of the truth of others?  As I was growing up, my father repeatedly told me I was fat and stupid.  I believe he loved me and that he had no idea how his words…which he thought were teasing…were affecting me.  I knew enough to reject the “stupid” part, since I had a habit of being at the top of my class, but I bought into the “fat” description.  I felt awkward about my body, insecure about the way I moved, and the way I looked.  It took me years away from home to get over that.  I didn’t even know I was living something other than my own truth.

The healing thing for me was the realization that I could live, not my own truth, but God’s truth about me.  I began relying on the fact that God has created each of us uniquely and specially, and that He loves us individually.  I’m not talking about “God loves mankind.”  I am talking about “God loves me.”  When I accepted Jesus into my life as my personal Savior, I became a child of the King.  He has a plan for me.  As I seek to follow Him, He will give me an assignment…a job that I am better suited for than anyone else.  This is not an ego-trip which involves living my own truth.  This is absolute confidence in His love for me and His desire to see me fulfilled.  I want to live His TRUTH.  

Why would I short-change myself by living my own truth when I can live His?

Anticipation

In anticipation, I wait each spring.

A tree now covered with dull buds.

Holds a promise of brilliant color,

Pink and magenta soon to appear.

A few warm sunny days away,

I will stare in wonder at its beauty.

A thrilling transformation will dazzle,

And take my breath away.

In anticipation, I wait each day.

A world terribly broken,

Yet holds a promise of redemption,

A champion soon to appear.

A few days or years away,

Staring in wonder at His beauty,

I will be transformed into his likeness,

And breathe celestial air.

Don't Blame It on Science

I was thinking this morning that when an archeologist unearths the ruins of an ancient civilization, it would never occur to him to believe that it spontaneously grew there underground.  He careful digs and brushes back the layers of dirt and discovers tools, utensils, walls laid out in logical fashion, a way for water to be obtained by the village’s residents, artwork the occupants have created and much more.  He concludes that thinking human beings lived there.  He assesses their degree of sophistication and marvels at what they created.

How on earth can we look at the world around us, and specifically at the human body, and think that it arose spontaneously from a swirling cloud and an organic soup?  The earth is fine-tuned to support life.  The human body is the incredibly complex culmination of life.  In every cell and the way in which it relates to the whole, we see organization, function and artistry.  It screams, “This was planned by an intelligent being!”

Of course, the problem is that if we admit to an intelligent creator…that is, GOD, we might have to acknowledge that we are in some way responsible to him.  Ah…there is the rub.  It is NOT logic or science that prevents people from believing there is a God.  It is the unpleasantness of admitting that he may have something to say about our behavior.  People want to be self-determining.  They do not want limits placed on their conduct.  God may have some guidelines for us to follow.

Following those guidelines would be logical, because the creator might just have insight into what is best for his creation.  But this is where logic is abandoned.  For some ridiculous reason, humans persist in thinking they know better.  If you want to ignore God, declaring that he doesn’t exist makes it easier.

So if you want to be an atheist or even an agnostic, fine!  But don’t try to convince yourself and others that it has anything at all to do with logic or science.  Admit that it is because you don’t want God to meddle in your life and decisions.

Engraved on His Palms

“I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”   Isaiah 49:16

Carved deeply into flesh,

Written in blood,

Painfully etched,

My name.

Who made these wounds?

Punctured deep,

Penetrating beyond the surface

Into soul and spirit.

What caused the nails,

The rusty nails to be driven?

Was it the sin of the world?

Or was it mine?

His palm outstretched as promised,

Allowed the engraving,

Of my unworthy name

For my redemption.