Self-Discipline

My daughter-in-law sent a picture of our almost two-year-old grandson standing in the time-out corner crying.  The accompanying text explained that after being told to stop an offending behavior three times, he put himself in the corner and stood there crying about his self-inflicted punishment.

This did not surprise me at all, because the little guy’s father once negotiated to increase his punishment.  He was dairy allergic and could, therefore, not have the joy of getting ice cream on those hot summer days when the ice cream truck came jingling through the neighborhood.  Eventually we learned that the truck also had blow-pops which were safe for him.  One day I was sitting on the front porch doing some hand-sewing when the ice cream truck appeared and parked across the street.  I gave my son the money for the blow-pop.  I didn’t think to admonish him to look both ways before crossing, because he had been wary of streets since being a toddler and always crossed cautiously.  But…not this day.  He ran out into the street towards the ice cream truck never stopping to look.  A UPS truck was coming on a collision course.  I saw it, but I made a split-second decision not to scream.  I calculated that if he heard me and stopped, he would be hit.  If he kept running, he might make it.  The ice cream truck driver saw what was happening and started to jump out of his truck.  The UPS driver saw him and slammed on his brakes.  I imagine their hearts were racing as fast as mine.  He made it across the street and purchased his blow-pop.

That night when I tucked him in, I talked to him about what had happened.  I said, “I think I need to do something to help you remember to cross the street safely.  So, I am going to tell you that you can’t go to the truck for a blow-pop for the next two weeks.”

He replied, “Two weeks isn’t long enough.”  He was only about 6 or 7 when this happened, but he apparently already knew that a blow-pop wasn’t as valuable as his life.

As it turned out, about two weeks later, we went to our cottage which is on the grounds of a camp which has a snack store.  He discovered the blow-pops cost much less at the snack shop than they did from the ice cream truck.  He figured getting them from the truck was a rip-off, and never asked to get one from the truck again.  I am not sure if the cost difference or the value of his life was the deciding factor.

When my children were teens, I told them repeatedly that if they were to discipline themselves, no one else would have to do it.  I have no idea if they remember me saying this, but I tried hard to help them understand that as we grow toward adulthood, we are supposed to learn to control our own behaviors.  Parents and teachers are not trying to make kids miserable.  They will not inflict discipline if there are no offending behaviors.

Looking at the picture of my little grandson wailing in the time-out corner, I could not help but think this would be a better world if we all put ourselves in time-out and were sorrowful when we did wrong!