Walking Out Alone

Clean gleaming floors stretch before me,

Corridors leading to elevators,

Which lead to more corridors.

I walk alone toward an exit.

I have walked out of this hospital

And left my mother as a patient,

My father, my mother-in-law,

And most recently my father-in-law.

Each in their turn,

I have left behind in a bed,

As a patient in this hospital,

And I have walked out alone.

But this time is different,

Painfully, achingly different.

My husband is in the bed.

The love of my life is the patient.

We did not anticipate this event,

He eats healthy, he exercises,

He is still a runner.

The last person you would expect.

I cannot wrap my head around it,

The slurred speech, the drooping mouth

The symptoms don’t compute,

It can’t be happening.

But this is the reality,

He has had a stroke,

I walk toward the exit alone.

More alone than ever before.

I feel his mortality,

I feel my mortality,

I am walking in a dream.

And I am by myself.

Weeks pass and he is better,

The stroke was minor,

The residual is minimal,

A haunting melancholy remains.

A flashback of walking out alone.

Productivity Lost

Before the age of television, computers and video games, people had to find a way to spend their free time without such entertainment.  Even in the age of radio only, a person’s hands were free to work at something.  Of course, one could read, but suppose a woman wanted to fill her evenings in some quiet activity other than that.  Women in the pre-electronic era busied their hands with knitting, crocheting, tatting, and quilting.  Eventually they actually had a tangible product…something to show for even their “down time.”

Today we have many modern conveniences to give us more free time.  Automatic washers, dryers, dishwashing machines, vacuum cleaners, microwave ovens and other marvels reduce the time spent in tedious drudgery.  But, we have less to show for our free time.  No product results from an evening of television watching or web-surfing or online gaming or X-boxing.  These activities so absorb our focus that we don’t even think of them as wasted hours with no tangible outcome.

I have been thinking about this recently, because we are cleaning out my in-laws home.  In a box under a bed upstairs, we found four hand-pieced quilt tops.  My mother-in-law did not do this type of work, so we are fairly certain that they came from her mother.  It is mind-boggling to look at all of the tiny handmade stitches that went into their construction.  Various family members have expressed interest in these works of an ancestor’s hands.

So, I am wondering, what will members of the present generation have to pass on to their descendants?

Hecuba by Euripides

Hecuba is the widow of King Priam, who was killed by the Trojans.  She has become a slave to the conquerors, although she was previously a queen.  At the outset of the play, she believes that although some of her children were killed in the Trojan War, she still has 3 living children:  Cassandra, who is revered as a prophetess has become the wife of Agamemnon (the conquering Trojan king), Polyxena, who is with her mother in slavery, and a son Polydore, who was sent to live with the neighboring king of Thrace in order to escape the Trojans.

Odysseus arrives with the message that the Trojans are seeking to honor their hero Achilles by sacrificing Polyxena on his grave.  Hecuba begs Odysseus to spare her daughter, reminding him that she once spared his life.  He argues that the dead must be honored, and the sacrifice must occur.  Polyxena bravely accepts her fate and goes off with Odysseus.  

Hecuba begs for, and is granted, the privilege of preparing her daughter’s body for burial.

However, she is delayed from this task by the arrival of a young maiden accompanying a covered corpse.  Hecuba thinks it must be Polyxena, but learns, to her horror, that it is her son Polydore, who she thought to be safe in Thrace.  It turns out the Polydore was sent to Thrace with a large amount of gold, and the King of Thrace, Polymestor, decides the gold is worth more than keeping his promise to protect Polydore.  He has killed Polydore and thrown his body into the sea.  It washed up on the shore and was found by the young maiden who is bringing it to Hecuba.

Agamemnon arrives to inquire what is keeping Hecuba.  She convinces him to look the other way while she seeks revenge on Polymestor.  Agamemnon doesn’t see how a woman can do this, but of course, there is strength in numbers, and Hecuba enlists the help of the other captive women.

Polymestor and his sons are invited to visit Hecuba.  She inquires about Polydore’s well-being, and Polymestor lies and says he is well.  Hecuba claims that she wants to inform him about the whereabouts of additional gold, so he goes with her into a tent without his guards.  There his sons are killed and he is blinded by the captive women.

Polymestor appeals to Agamemnon, but it doesn’t get him anywhere.  Then he prophesies the death of Agamemnon and Cassandra.  Agamemnon thinks he is a raving maniac and doesn’t believe the prediction.  The play closes with Agamemnon anxious to catch the favorable wind and sail for home, where unbeknownst to him his wife Clytemnestra will indeed kill him for several reasons….one of which is that he has brought the lovely Cassandra home to replace her.

While Polyxena is praised for the bravery with which she faces death, Euripides once again displays negative attitudes toward women.

*Agamemnon inquires, “How are women to master men?” 

Hecuba responds, “Numbers are a fearful thing and joined to craft a desperate foe.”

Agamemnon:  “True; still I have a mean opinion of the female race”

*Polymestor commenting on women:  “for neither land or sea produces a race so pestilent, as whomsoever hath had to do with them knows full well.”

Other interesting quotes:

“’Tis never right that those in power should use it out of season, or when prosperous suppose they will be always so.”  (Hecuba)

“Ah!  There is not in the world a single man free; for he is either a slave to money or to fortune, or else the people in their thousands or the fear of public prosecution prevents him from following the dictates of his heart.”  (Hecuba)

“’Tis strange how each extreme doth meet in human life!  Custom determines even our natural ties, making the most bitter foes friends, and regarding as foes those who formerly were friends.”  (the Chorus)

“For the gods confound our fortunes, tossing them to and fro, and introduce confusion, that our perplexity may make us worship them.”  (Polymestor)

As I’ve said previously, I don’t have any use for the Greek gods!  They are morally no different than humans…they just live forever, supposedly.

Two Young Women

I sat in a doctor’s office today thinking about the contrast between two young women who were in the waiting room with us.

One was propped up in an adult stroller.  Her arms and legs were in abnormal positions and appeared to be permanently distorted. Her hands were semi-closed and claw-like.  Drool was running from the corner of her mouth.  She was accompanied by two care-givers who did everything they could to comfort and quiet her.  Initially, she just grunted and moaned as though she was either in pain or having difficulty breathing.  Eventually the sounds escalated to anguished wails which filled the waiting room.  One of her care-givers took her outside.  The day was sunny and warm and being outdoors seemed to relax her, but as soon as she re-entered the waiting room, the cries began again.

The other woman was able-bodied and appeared to be the mother of two children she had in tow.  She paid minimal attention to them, occasionally interrupting her love affair with her electronic device to reprimand them.  Most of the time was spent either texting or talking on the cell phone.  The empty-headed conversation to which we were “treated” was about some guy who had said something about some girl on Facebook, and how she had responded. Maybe those of us over-hearing it were supposed to think she was clever.  It didn’t work on me.  Not only was it none of our business, but we had NO desire for it to be our business.  Listening to this meaningless blathering was worse than listening to the wails.

My heart went out to the first woman.  I wanted to stroke her arm or hug her, but comfort was probably more acceptable coming from a known caregiver than from a stranger, so I thought better of it.

I wanted to smack the second woman upside the head….but I thought better of that too.