Only So Much Time

I have in a previous blog referred to my 91 year-old uncle as the most stubborn man on the planet.  This may actually be the truth. Over the past few weeks, he has been in declining health.  During a recent phone call to him, I became concerned that he wasn't eating and seemed weak.  I had no idea how bad it was, because I live over 3 hours away by car. He has no children, and I am his only niece.  He has 4 nephews, but I am closest to him, and I am not close enough.


Last week I received a call that he had been hospitalized.  He lives in a residence with all levels of care, so assisted living was available to him.  However, he continued to try to manage on his own in his independent living apartment until he could no longer make it to the kitchen at all, and eventually could not even crawl to the bathroom.  He could have arranged for help with meals and personal care long before things deteriorated to this extent.  I suppose that the frailty sneaked up on him.  Each day he probably told himself that he would feel better the next day.  And then, there is the fact that he is stubborn.


My husband and I traveled to see him.  After visiting at the hospital, we went to the apartment.  I was shocked at its condition.  He is a life-long bachelor, who has always kept his living quarters neat and clean.  I am not going to describe everything I found, but I spent hours washing dirty clothing and bed linens, cleaning the kitchen, and removing spoiled food from the refrigerator.  I did not have time on this trip to tend to the stacks of mail and newspapers.


In the car on the way home, I reflected on the fact that he is 25 years to the month older than I am.  What will I be like in 25 years?  Will I still be here in 25 years?  Will I be able to care for myself?  For my home?  When one is young, 25 years seems like a long time.  Now...hmmm....not so much. 


I picked up my knitting and began knitting furiously while my husband drove.  He said, "I'm surprised you are knitting.  You seemed so tired."


I replied, "I've got to get busy and be productive.  I may only have 25 years left!"

Strange Ideas

Wow!  I ran into another one!  Where do people get these strange ideas that they are so certain are factual.

Today I was at another farmers’ market with information on free mammograms.  An elderly man approached me and wanted to know why I was offering free mammograms.  His initial question didn’t raise any suspicions with me, because I often talk to people who are just curious.  I responded that women without insurance often need help in paying for a mammogram.  I was about to point out that we also offer colorectal testing for men, but he interrupted me.

He asked me why I thought women “needed” mammograms.  Ah, yes…his tone made my antennae begin to tingle.  I replied, “Oh, you want to argue with me, don’t you?  I do not want to argue.”

He then launched into a lengthy monologue on the supposed evils of mammograms.  He stated that only human mammals get breast cancer, because only humans get mammograms.  In other words, he was saying that mammograms cause breast cancer. There was no opportunity for me to interject anything factual, because he continued by describing a TV program he had seen.  He claimed to be well informed on the subject, and said that the radiation in an MRI is equivalent to being exposed to a nuclear explosion.  Oh, my.

When he finally paused and came up for air, I tried to preface some facts by lending myself some credibility.  I told him that I was an RN, had a degree in chemistry and had a Master’s degree, and….

Before I could go further, he told me to take my diplomas and wipe my A** with them.  Nice guy.

I said, “Good-bye” and turned to face a different direction.

So….just in case you care:

*other mammals, including dogs and cats, do get breast cancer.  In fact, the rate in dogs is three times that in humans.

*men can get breast cancer, and they don’t get mammograms.

*a woman who has never had a mammogram and doesn’t do self-breast exams, typically finds the lump when it is the size of a golf ball.  It can already be cancerous when she discovers it,  prior to a mammogram.

*mammograms are NOT the same thing as MRIs.  The lowest possible amount of radiation is used to visualize the breast during a mammogram.

*even an MRI doesn’t expose you to as much radiation as a nuclear blast…..well, I suppose it might if you are talking about a nuclear blast that is on the opposite side of the planet.  You would have to have some specifics as to your distance from the epicenter before you started throwing “facts” like that around.  (Actually an MRI doesn't expose you to any radiation.  It doesn't use x-rays to create the image.)

Sometimes it is hard to know whether to laugh or cry.  On the bright side, about a dozen people thanked me today for what I was doing, and shortly after the nasty encounter, a cute little boy with hair sticking up in every direction grinned at me and waved as he passed by.

Inexplicable

In my "retirement," I work part-time for an agency which offers free mammograms to women who are uninsured.  Attempting to locate women who could benefit from this service, I am in the process of trying to attend every farmers' market in the county.


Today I set up at the end of a row of booths displaying all manner of fruits, veggies, flowers and baked goods.  It was hot and sunny, so I went to the trouble of putting up a tent.  I set up my table covered with literature under the tent.  I hung a poster from the tent frame which said in bold and bright letters "FREE MAMMOGRAMS for uninsured women."


I talked with many people.  Some glanced at the sign and avoided me.  But, one woman came right up to me with the intent of picking a fight.  I know this because she did have insurance, did NOT want a mammogram, and had to have seen the sign from the direction in which she approached.


She informed me that there was no reason for women to get mammograms.  If we put the right things into our bodies, our bodies will take care of themselves and we won't get cancer.  She said that cancer was caused by "negative thinking."  


I countered that 1 in 8 women get breast cancer, and it is not prevented by positive thinking.


She repeated the bit about putting the right things into our bodies and added that she knew this for sure because she has a PhD in this.  I wondered what  she meant by "this," so I asked what the PhD was in.  She replied, "Natural Health."


I bit my tongue.  Several things came to mind which would have heated up the interchange.  I managed to restrain myself from anything other than a shrug.  (I try harder to behave myself when I am representing an agency.)


There were a few additional comments back and forth.  She said people should "go when their time comes."  I said it makes a difference whether that time comes when one is in their 80s or 50s.  It was obvious that I wasn't going to convince her of anything, and that she just wanted to argue.


Eventually, she turned to walk away and shot back over her shoulder,  "Anyway, I've been a smoker for 40 years, so if I die of cancer,  it will be f.....ing lung cancer."


I know why she delivered this as a parting shot.  She did not want me to point out the total incongruity of believing that "if you put the right things into your body, it will take care of itself" and then smoking!  


Arrrrggghhh!  Inexplicable!


But, she is probably angry with herself about this habit, so she is looking for other directions in which to place that anger.  So there I stood today: smiling, dispensing information, giving out key chains with the agency's phone number AND conveniently in the line of fire.

Antigone by Sophocles

Back to the Great Books...


Antigone and Ismene, the daughters of the ill-fated Oedipus and his wife/mother, have just seen their brothers Polyneices and Eteocles kill one another.  Creon, who is brother to their deceased mother and now King of Thebes, has declared that Eteocles died defending Thebes and will be buried with honor, but Polyneices was a traitor whose body must be left for the dogs and birds.  Creon has issued a decree that anyone who attempts to bury Polyneices will be killed.


Antigone and Ismene disagree on an appropriate course of action.  Antigone is a spunky lady with a strong sense of what is right. Ismene counsels her:  ...we were born women, as who should not strive with men....we must obey in all things, and in things yet sorer.  Antigone is not swayed by Ismene and determines that she will bury Polyneices herself no matter what the consequences.


King Creon is a pompous fellow who can't believe anyone would willfully disobey his decree, but he orders guards to make sure that Polyneices' body is left unburied.  He is convinced that people will do pretty much anything for the right amount of money, and that someone might pay to have Polyneices buried.  Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men.


A guard arrives in fear for his life, because he must tell Creon that an attempt to cover the body has been made.  Creon is accusatory with the guard and demands that the offender be found and brought to him.



The action is paused while the chorus philosophies about man and his skill, cleverness and yet helplessness in the face of death.


Shortly the guard returns with Antigone who has been caught spreading dust on the body.  She does not deny her actions.  Creon is incredulous that she would defy him.  He tells her that all of Thebes agrees with him and does not share her view.  She retorts that:  All here would own that they thought it well, were not their lips sealed by fear. ....they curb their tongues for thee.


Someone has seen Antigone and Ismene talking and the assumption is made that Ismene agrees with Antigone's actions and must die too.  Although she did not agree, Ismene is willing to stand with her sister and die.  Antigone rejects this and says that Ismene can serve her best by living.  Ismene pleads with Creon for Antigone's life.  She points out that Antigone is engaged to Creon's son Haemon.  But, Creon does not want an "evil wife" for his son.


Haemon arrives and speaks to Creon.  Initially he seems totally submissive to the will of his father as King of Thebes.  However, he works around to telling his father that rigidly adhering to a course of action against wise counsel from others is folly..  ...though a man be wise, 'tis no shame for him to learn many things, and to bend in season...forego thy wrath; permit thyself to change.  They argue, and Haemon leaves.  Creon refuses to change his mind and orders Antigone to be brought for death, specifically he declares that she is to be entombed alive in a rock vault.


The blind prophet Teiresias enters the scene and sways Creon.  After some bickering Creon does relent.  Ah, me,  'tis hard, but I resign my cherished resolve--I obey.  We must not wage a vain war with destiny.  He declares that he will go himself to release Antigone.


Unfortunately, destiny has already come crashing down on Creon.  Antigone has hanged herself in the vault where she has been entombed.  Haemon, in grief, has stabbed himself and died by her side.  Creon's wife Eurydice, hearing of the death of her son, has also killed herself.


Creon departs with:  lead me away..a rash foolish man...all is amiss with that which is in my hands.


The final chorus:  Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness and reverence to the gods must be inviolate.  Great words of prideful men are ever punished with great blows, and, in old age, teach the chastened to be wise.


Or...


As the Bible puts it...the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all they that do his commandments.  Psalm 111:10


Sophocles and the Bible should be required reading for politicians!  I fear that "all is amiss" in the hands of those currently running our government.

Sequel to My Last Blog

Over the past few days at the county fair, I repeatedly noticed a woman who passed my booth.  She was poorly dressed and from her responses to my greetings, I guessed she wasn't very bright.  She was pleasant, but not articulate.  I assumed she was doing janitorial work at the fair, because she always seemed to be dragging a bag of what I supposed to be trash.  In retrospect, I realize that she was not wearing a tee-shirt with a logo indicating that she was employed either by the fair or the arena in which the exhibits are located, but I hadn't given it that much thought previously.


Today I met her in the ladies' room.  She was soaking her ball cap in cold water before putting it back on her head.  She commented on how hot she was.  Since the exhibit hall is air-conditioned, I said, "Oh, have you been spending a lot of time outside?"


"Yes," she replied.  "I have found $90 worth of cans the last couple days."


Ah...what I assumed to be trash was a bag of cans.  For those of you reading this who do not live in states that recycle cans; in New York state we are charged a 5-cent deposit on most bottled and canned beverages.  We get the 5 cents back when we return the can or bottle to a recycling center.  Many people take advantage of this.  Others just throw their cans in the trash.  At the fair, the likelihood is that people are not going to bother to carry their empty soda can home with them.  They are going to pitch it in the trash.  So, this lady was out pawing through trash in the heat of the fairgrounds looking for cans at 5 cents a piece.  $90 worth of cans comes out to 1800 cans she had retrieved.


She added, "I've got to keep going.  We just had to pay $100 for tires, because someone slashed our tires."


A bit later, I finished a Pepsi.  I noticed her sitting down and resting a short distance away.  I walked over and  handed her my empty can.  "One less she has to dig through the trash for," I thought.  


I wondered if I should give her some cash.  For me the $10 she still needs to pay for the tires is nothing.  For her, it is 200 more cans.  It is also, however, the dignity of knowing she has earned that money through hard work.  She is not out on a street corner begging.  She is sorting through our trash.

An Open Letter to My Son

Dear brilliant son….and anyone else who is highly gifted,

You may have the privilege of breathing the rarefied air of Google.  You associate with others of like mental capacity.  It is probably easy to think of those with an IQ within 20 points of yours as the norm. 

Think again.

I spent today at the county fair.  Walking past my booth was the complete spectrum of humanity, including those from the opposite end of the Bell curve.  Believe me, those in your circle are not the norm.  I saw folks today who are as many standard deviations to the left of the mean, as you are to the right.  I saw three generations who have been swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.

It is easy to think of those in our usual circles of friends and acquaintances as typifying humanity.  Once in awhile, we need a wake-up call.

I remember the day when you were about two and a half years old, and you came to the kitchen to talk to me after church.  You announced with some consternation in your toddler voice, “Mom, those other children in the nursery talk funny.”  Uh-huh…other children your age were babbling syllables, and you were already talking in long sentences making observations about the world around you.  I thought, “And so it begins…how do I help him understand that he is different, and that this is a reason not for arrogance, but for compassion?”

So…I am reminding you today, because I was reminded myself, that with privilege comes responsibility; that any one of us could have been born with much less capacity.  We did nothing to earn our gifts…they were, indeed, gifts.  We may be proud of our accomplishments in developing what we were given, but not too proud.  Rather, we should be thankful and caring and giving and humble.

If you don’t need this message today, I do.

Nothing Can Separate You from God's Love

Original lyrics and music by Grandma Ruthie.  Also my voice, before I became an old lady who can't sing anymore.  Accompaniment by my friend Sharon.

Kids and Screen Doors

What is it with kids and screen doors?  They should never occupy the same place at the same time.  The screen on the door to our cottage has been ruptured outward so many times that I have lost count.

Of course, the same has been true of our screen door at home, but it got so much more use that it didn’t seem as ridiculous that it had to be fixed seasonally when the kids were young.  On one of those repair jobs, I watched carefully to see how it was done.  Armed with this knowledge, I have personally repaired the cottage screen door repeatedly.

Grandkids pushed it out the first time, and I’m not sure how many other times.  Then there was the occasion when my elderly father-in-law fell through it badly scraping his fragile skin.  I thought I would be pro-active the next time, so I purchased a heavy duty metal mesh panel and positioned it across the frame at the height where little hands might push or older hands might reach during a fall.

Sigh….the heavy mesh is now pulled loose from the metal frame.  This morning my husband also noted that the screen on the lower portion of the door has been kicked out.

No matter….the season when the screen stays intact will be the year when my husband and I sit here alone in the silence waiting for the sound of a slamming door.