The Agony of Old Age

"If I am going to be like this the rest of my life, I would rather be dead!"....a pronouncement this afternoon from my 92 year-old mother-in-law, who had a sufficiently lucid moment in the midst of confusion to realize that she was confused.


Before and after this statement, she babbled about her son "Bobby."  When we tried to tell her that he is now a grown man, she rather forcefully declared that she has two Bobbys....a boy Bobby and a man Bobby.  She wanted to know where the boy Bobby was.  When my father-in-law arrived after church, she asked him if Bobby had gone to church with him.  When he said that he had gone alone, she was angry.  Where had he left Bobby?


But then, there was that flash of clarity, when for a fleeting moment she realized that what she had been saying made no sense.  It passed as quickly as it came.


Last evening she was distressed because no one would give her her own nightie to wear.  She was sure it was right there in the dresser drawer.  Trying to explain that she was in the hospital and needed to wear the hospital gown did no good.  I had purchased some night shirts that buttoned all the way down the front for her to wear, thinking since they opened completely, they might work.  Nope....not long enough to suit her.


This afternoon I made a slit straight down the front in two of her ankle length night gowns which had only a few buttons at the neckline.  I bound the rough edges and put snaps below the buttons.  I wonder how she will react to this.  Will she be happy to have her own gowns, or will she notice my alterations and be upset?  I don't know. I don't ever plan to tell her that a week ago, when she first became so ill, I literally had to cut her out of one of her gowns, and it went into the trash.


Old age is agony.  It is painful and confusing for the person going through this end of days experience.  It is heart-breaking for those standing helplessly by.  


I tried today to encourage her by saying that we don't always understand, but we need to trust God's plan for us.  I know she believes this.  I believe this....I hope I remember that I believe it, if I live to be 92.