The Crimson Veil

I stand before a holy God,

By frequent failings marred,

By persistent sinning scarred,

By troubles encumbered,

By enemies outnumbered.

How often I’ve blundered,

Opportunities squandered,

With patience expired,

With work uninspired.

 

What will He do with me?

His glory encountered,

My ego devoured.

Will He redirect me?

Will He redefine me?

Will He be angered

By His image disfigured,

His perfect plan altered,

As I’ve stumbled and faltered?

 

His gaze is piercing, but…

          With loving eyes, He looks

Through the crimson veil,

Drawn from wounds of the nail,

          And by His grace, I am…

Redeemed!             

                                

Who Got Stuck with Judas?

In Mark 6:7 and 12-13, we read,  “Calling the twelve to him, he sent them out two by two and gave them authority over evil spirits.”  Following his instructions, “They went out and preached that people should repent.  They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them.”

I’ve read this passage many times before, but this is the first time I was struck by the fact that the 12 went out two by two.  They each ministered with a partner.  Sooooooo….who was the partner of Judas, and how did that go?  Did Judas function empowered by the Spirit of God?  Was it his partner who carried the burden of ministry?  Was Judas’ inclination toward evil in any way apparent to the person who worked so closely with him?  Were they any less effective than other twosomes?

In Luke 22:3, it says that Satan entered Judas just prior to the betrayal.  However, we also know from John 12:6 that Judas was the “treasurer” for the group and that he had his hand in the money bag.  This would indicate that he was not a whole-hearted follower of Jesus from the beginning.  He was in the habit of giving in to temptation.

This raises all sorts of questions in my mind.  A big one is how one goes from being a person who preaches repentance and a person to whom God gives the gift of healing to a person who will regularly give in to temptation and ultimately betray the Lord.  But, haven’t we seen this in our times with the fall of well-known and respected preachers and teachers?  Do the believers around them ignore the “little sins?”  Do they fail to hold them accountable?

After spending an extended time in ministry with Judas, did his partner not see anything amiss?  Did anyone go to Jesus and express concern?  Of course, in the case of Judas, Christ knew what would happen and that it was a necessary part of the plan for our redemption.  So, if another disciple had expressed concern to Him, He would have told him not to worry about it…that he knew what Judas was thinking and doing.  Actually, I think women often have better instincts than men when it comes to someone’s true nature, so it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that a woman in the group expressed her concerns about him.

God knows and will ultimately judge rightly, but I think we bear responsibility to hold those with whom we partner accountable.  We need to care enough to confront when we see someone edging their way toward betrayal.

Ruthie Will Manage

Recently I mentioned to someone that my family did not expect Bill to die before me.  They thought that I would die first, and then they would spend the next ten years worried about what Bill might be up to.  The person asked, “Aren’t they worried about you?”

Hmmm….probably not.  I think most of my family has always expected me to “manage” no matter what happens.  This included my own Mother, who got over worrying about me early on.

As a child, I went away from home every summer to a Girls’ Camp which was held during a week in August.  One year, when I was about 8 or 9, there was a major cold snap during the week I was at camp.  My Mother did not drive, so when my Father got home from work the day following the bitter cold night, my Mother insisted he drive down to the camp with extra blankets.

When Dad arrived at the camp, I was surprised to see him, and I explained that I had not been cold at all.  I had gone to bed in my warmest pajamas wearing in addition: socks, a sweater, my robe (which I think was quilted) and a scarf on my head.  My parents found this amusing…and reassuring.

Years later it was time for me to go away to nursing school, and four years after that, my brother went off to college.  My Father was perplexed.  He said to my Mother, “We took your daughter 700 miles away from home, and you never shed a tear.  We took you son only 200 miles from home, and you cried all the way home!”

My Mother replied, “I knew Ruthie could manage.”

So now without my sweetheart, I manage.  For years we faced every difficulty in life as a team.  We managed together.  Now I face life without him.  Fortunately, I have Jesus by my side. 

I am not always happy with life as it is now, but by the grace of God, I am managing.

Things I Shouldn't Read or See

There are things I probably should no longer read or see.

This morning, I saw a headline about a 16-month-old girl who was left alone in a playpen while her mother took a vacation for 10 days.  When she returned, the child was unresponsive and either died or had died.  I immediately started to cry.  I really should stop clicking on and reading such articles as it breaks my heart and results in immediate tears.  I don’t leave my plants for 10 days without arranging for someone to water them!  I would not leave a child that age alone for 10 hours, much less 10 days.  I would likely be checking every 10 minutes or less.

My mother was this way near the end of her life.  I thought it was because of her recent stroke, but I don’t know that it didn’t happen before that.  I just knew about it, because I was caring for her after the stroke.  We couldn’t let her watch the evening news.  If anything came on that stated or implied that children were in danger, she would burst into tears and cry out “the children, the children!”  This was at the point where she couldn’t carry on a conversation and often spoke gibberish.

Shortly after the war in Ukraine began, I saw an image on television that still plays in my mind.  A young boy, perhaps about 10, was walking down a road with devastation all around.  He was completely alone, no adult near him, and he was carrying a black garbage bag.  I assumed the bag contained his belongings.  He was staggering along the road crying as he went.  This image keeps coming back to my mind and causes tears to well up in my eyes.  My only comfort is that I hear the Lord say, “the hairs of his head are numbered.”

I don’t know if it is old age or the fact that my emotions are more raw than ever before since the loss of my husband.  Then again, I’ve had these feelings at other points in my life.

I know it’s not Christmas, but I first heard this song in the late 60s before we had children, and it brought tears to my eyes then, as it expressed the desire for all children to be cared for and loved.

Sandler and Young, I Sing Noel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4R06T14Qac

My Son vs the Mouse

Today, as I was missing my husband, I thought of the many times when something difficult seemed to happen while he was out of town or tied up at the office.  Many of these incidents were uncomfortable and best forgotten, but one is rather amusing and made me smile.

We did not often have mice in our big old Victorian home, but on one occasion, we found evidence of the presence of a mouse.  Bill set a trap and caught the critter.  This happened just before he was scheduled to go out of town on a business trip.  There was discussion among the children about my aversion to mice.  This stemmed from my father terrorizing me as a child by chasing me while holding a dead mouse by the tail.  I have no idea why he thought it was funny.  In any event, my kids wondered, what would Mom do if there was a mouse while Dad was gone?  Our son, who was about nine years old at the time, declared he would handle it.

Our son was not a macho man.  He was a …well…he was a cute little nerd boy.  He loved math and geography and sports statistics.  Eventually, he would start college at the age of 13, so he was not the type one would expect to bravely handle a mouse.

A couple of weeks later, my husband was in town, but he was at work.  One of my daughters, who was in her early 20s, was sitting in the living room and began to scream.  “There’s a mouse in here.  He’s sitting right here looking at me!”

I was in the kitchen and replied, “You’re not expecting me to come in there, are you?”

My son was in the downstairs bathroom just off the kitchen.  He came flying out of the bathroom, stopped at the back door to slip on his shoes, and ran to the living room.  He moved so quickly that the mouse did not see him coming, and he stomped on it killing it instantly.

Meanwhile, my daughter had her feet pulled up in the chair, and was shrieking, “I can’t believe he did that!  I can’t believe he did that!”

Being squeamish, I didn’t want him to handle the germy mouse, so I told him to kick it off the carpet onto the hardwood floor, and we’d leave it for his Dad to handle when he got home from work.

I smile every time I think of my cute but geeky little blond boy rising to the occasion to “protect” us.

Reaching

Before I met you,

I believed you existed,

Somewhere beyond my reach.

 

And when I met you,

My heart beat faster,

Knowing you were within reach.

 

For over 50 years

We circled and danced

Passionately reaching.

 

Now you are gone.

And once again, you exist

Somewhere beyond my reach.

 

And yet, I can’t let go.

My heart and mind keep stretching

Into a soundless void…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Reaching…

As in Adam All Die

As in Adam all men die,

So shall I pass through that veil,

Travel down the darkened path,

The rendezvous that none can fail.

 

Some I love have passed before,

Leaving me behind to cry,

Repeating to myself with grief,

“As in Adam all men die.”

 

But those who belong to Christ,

In a victory complete,

Will live again with Him.

Death crushed beneath His feet.

 

From I Corinthians 15:22-27