Calling Hours

An acquaintance from a professional setting, who became a friend, passed away a few days ago.  The calling hours were today about a 40-minute drive from my home.  During the ride there and back, I was reflecting on the awkwardness that can result from trying to find the right thing to say to bereaved family…especially if you do not know them as well as you have known the deceased person.

I am sure there have been times when I have said something that was not the perfect thing to say, but I have at least attempted not to be totally insensitive.  I have, however, been on the receiving end of some really inappropriate remarks.  On one occasion, I stopped at the church where the service was to be held.  I had prepared a powerpoint presentation with pictures of the deceased family member and background music.  I took a copy on a memory stick to the church office so that it could be checked out ahead of time and ready to go for the memorial service.  The church secretary took it in to one of the pastors’ offices.  He proceeded to rant at her that he was doing something and certainly could not look at it now.  I could hear every word he said.  He should have known that I could.  I had not asked for it to be done right then….just that it be verified before the service so that it could be run smoothly.

Wow!  He did not come out of the office and express his sympathy and tell me he would do his best to see that everything was ready for the service.  He sat in his office and ranted at the secretary.  I wanted very badly to give him some unsolicited advice on how to behave toward someone who has just lost a family member. 

At my Mother’s memorial service, some wonderful things were said about her…every word of it was true.  She was a great lady and deserving of the praise.  But on the way out, one individual said to me, “Well, you’re never going to live up to that!” 

How on earth could that be construed as even remotely appropriate to say to a bereaved family member?  Maybe it is true.  Maybe I will never live up to the sweetness and goodness of my Mother.  The truth is that I don’t aspire to be like her.  We are very different people.  I need to aspire to be the best version of who I am.  In any case, insulting someone at a family member’s memorial service is a major faux pas.  I actually did not hold it against the woman.  I figured such situations are awkward and some people say the wrong thing instead of saying nothing, so I shrugged it off.  But I thought of it today, as I pondered what I could say.

The line was really long today.  I waited an hour and a half to see the family.  I tried to find something positive to say to each of them.  I hope I didn’t say anything that was in any way hurtful.  “I am sorry for your loss” seems so trite, and they must have heard it more that 100 times today, but that or just a hug or handshake is better than a thoughtless, careless remark.  Since none of them knew me, I shared with each of them how I had known the lovely lady, respected her, and valued her friendship.

Death is awkward.  It is a sure thing, but not a pleasant thing.  Death was not God’s original intent for us.  It rips a person out of the fabric of his or her family and leaves a gaping hole.  If we joke about it, it is just because we don’t want to stare it straight in the face.  But we need to remember that family who have suffered this loss have a raw wound.  We need to pour on a healing tonic…not a burning acid.

I don’t think there is much chance of the offenders mentioned here reading this, but if they do, I hope they recognize themselves and, in the future, pray for wisdom before they speak.

Should you "live your own truth?"

This past week, I heard a commencement speaker expound on the need to “live your own truth” instead of the truth assigned to you by others.  There was much in his speech with which I agreed.  I do believe you should not let other people define or limit you.  You should not allow others to emphasize your weaknesses and pigeon-hole you as someone who can only do this and not that.  It is healthy to enjoy your accomplishments and set goals which push you past previous limits.

But…

That is NOT the same thing as living your own truth.  How on earth do any of us figure out what our own truth is?  What if we are deluded?  What if our upbringing and prior experiences have impacted us in such subtle ways that we don’t even realize that our truth is really a composite of the truth of others?  As I was growing up, my father repeatedly told me I was fat and stupid.  I believe he loved me and that he had no idea how his words…which he thought were teasing…were affecting me.  I knew enough to reject the “stupid” part, since I had a habit of being at the top of my class, but I bought into the “fat” description.  I felt awkward about my body, insecure about the way I moved, and the way I looked.  It took me years away from home to get over that.  I didn’t even know I was living something other than my own truth.

The healing thing for me was the realization that I could live, not my own truth, but God’s truth about me.  I began relying on the fact that God has created each of us uniquely and specially, and that He loves us individually.  I’m not talking about “God loves mankind.”  I am talking about “God loves me.”  When I accepted Jesus into my life as my personal Savior, I became a child of the King.  He has a plan for me.  As I seek to follow Him, He will give me an assignment…a job that I am better suited for than anyone else.  This is not an ego-trip which involves living my own truth.  This is absolute confidence in His love for me and His desire to see me fulfilled.  I want to live His TRUTH.  

Why would I short-change myself by living my own truth when I can live His?

Anticipation

In anticipation, I wait each spring.

A tree now covered with dull buds.

Holds a promise of brilliant color,

Pink and magenta soon to appear.

A few warm sunny days away,

I will stare in wonder at its beauty.

A thrilling transformation will dazzle,

And take my breath away.

In anticipation, I wait each day.

A world terribly broken,

Yet holds a promise of redemption,

A champion soon to appear.

A few days or years away,

Staring in wonder at His beauty,

I will be transformed into his likeness,

And breathe celestial air.

Don't Blame It on Science

I was thinking this morning that when an archeologist unearths the ruins of an ancient civilization, it would never occur to him to believe that it spontaneously grew there underground.  He careful digs and brushes back the layers of dirt and discovers tools, utensils, walls laid out in logical fashion, a way for water to be obtained by the village’s residents, artwork the occupants have created and much more.  He concludes that thinking human beings lived there.  He assesses their degree of sophistication and marvels at what they created.

How on earth can we look at the world around us, and specifically at the human body, and think that it arose spontaneously from a swirling cloud and an organic soup?  The earth is fine-tuned to support life.  The human body is the incredibly complex culmination of life.  In every cell and the way in which it relates to the whole, we see organization, function and artistry.  It screams, “This was planned by an intelligent being!”

Of course, the problem is that if we admit to an intelligent creator…that is, GOD, we might have to acknowledge that we are in some way responsible to him.  Ah…there is the rub.  It is NOT logic or science that prevents people from believing there is a God.  It is the unpleasantness of admitting that he may have something to say about our behavior.  People want to be self-determining.  They do not want limits placed on their conduct.  God may have some guidelines for us to follow.

Following those guidelines would be logical, because the creator might just have insight into what is best for his creation.  But this is where logic is abandoned.  For some ridiculous reason, humans persist in thinking they know better.  If you want to ignore God, declaring that he doesn’t exist makes it easier.

So if you want to be an atheist or even an agnostic, fine!  But don’t try to convince yourself and others that it has anything at all to do with logic or science.  Admit that it is because you don’t want God to meddle in your life and decisions.

Engraved on His Palms

“I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”   Isaiah 49:16

Carved deeply into flesh,

Written in blood,

Painfully etched,

My name.

Who made these wounds?

Punctured deep,

Penetrating beyond the surface

Into soul and spirit.

What caused the nails,

The rusty nails to be driven?

Was it the sin of the world?

Or was it mine?

His palm outstretched as promised,

Allowed the engraving,

Of my unworthy name

For my redemption.

Impending Doom

The evening before last I had a sensation of impending doom…that is, I had the sense that something awful was about to happen.  This has occurred to me on a handful of prior occasions.  I felt restless and anxious without any apparent reason.  Nothing I could identify had happened to trigger these feelings.  I just expected that something would happen.

Yesterday Notre Dame burned.  A tragedy impacting people around the world.

But also yesterday, somewhere…

*a sweet baby was aborted

*a child died because of abuse or neglect

*a young girl experienced genital mutilation

*a teen overdosed

*a young mother was killed by a drunk driver

*undignified, dehumanizing slavery was imposed on someone

*a loving heart was broken by infidelity

*gossip destroyed someone’s whole social support system

*a diagnosis of a terminal illness brought someone’s world crashing down

This is the week when Christ must have felt the weight of future horrors.  He knew he would die and how he would die.  He knew that he would bear the weight of the sins of all of us.  He also knew that after passing through this hell, he would be victorious over death itself.  He knew Notre Dame would be built and that it would one day burn.  He knew each of the awful things I have listed.  He knew.  He embraced death to redeem man.

Now he looks at the evil in our world and grieves.  Each and every person can, if they make the choice, come to him for salvation and mercy and strength to face each day.  Redemption is available.  If we turn our backs, we will one day burn.  All our accomplishments can be wiped out as easily as any human made structure, no matter how ornate and imposing, can be incinerated.

Today may be filled with agony, but the resurrection is coming. 

New life is coming. 

Dawn is breaking!

Even so, come Lord Jesus.

Treasured Possession

You yourselves have seen what I did…how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself.  Now if you obey me fully…you will be my treasured possession.  Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me…               from Exodus 19:4-6

Although these verses were spoken to the Israelites through Moses, I believe they apply equally to those who believe in Jesus as Savior and Lord.  I have snatched phrases out of the passage to increase the impact of this message for believers.

As I look back over 74 years of life, I have seen what he has done!  He has protected and preserved me.  He brought me to Himself.  At an early age, He spoke to my heart and mind, so that even as a child, I recognized that my need for Him was deep and undeniable.

Although I have at times struggled to obey Him, full obedience has always been my heart’s desire.  He recognizes my frailty…He remembers that we are dust and knows our hearts.  I am His treasured possession.  He purchased me at great price.  I am amazed that He would pay such a price, and that He values me.

Everything belongs to him.  Every life exists at His will.  Every breath of every person on earth is granted by Him.  He causes breath to cease on His timetable.  This applies to the most beautiful, the most talented, the most intelligent, the wealthiest, the most athletic, the most admired by others…and to the lowliest. 

I want to be for Him, and I believe that is what He has promised.