The Day I Almost Ran Away

Once when I was a little girl, I had a dog…a wonderful mutt of a dog.  He was about the size of a German shepherd and probably had that breed in him along with several others.  He was mostly white with black and brown splotches.  He had floppy ears like a beagle, and his face was beagle-shaped.  His tail looped up in German shepherd fashion.  He was of a very gentle disposition, but was protective of me.

He appeared in our neighborhood out of nowhere.  We lived out in the country, and my parents figured that someone didn’t want him anymore and just dropped him off and abandoned him.  He attached himself to me, and I adored him.  We took him in, and I named him Skippy.  He slept every night on the throw rug next to my bed.  When I played outside, he hung around.  If I walked somewhere, he went along. The only time he ever made me angry was the day I saw him trotting through the back yard with a rabbit in his mouth.  I didn’t feed him that night.

However, he did make others angry, specifically my parents and the neighbors.  It seems that Skippy was a bit over-sexed.  If there was a female dog in heat anywhere in the neighborhood, he was there fighting off other dogs.  He would come home with injuries from these altercations.  If we tried to keep him inside to prevent these incidents, he would howl loudly….all night long if he thought it necessary.  On those nights, he did not sleep next to my bed.  My Dad would lock him in the basement, but that did not prevent the howling, and it made my Dad furious, because he needed to get up at 5 AM to get to his job.

My parents put up with this quirk for a couple of years, but when he broke down the neighbor’s cellar door to get at their female in heat, it was the last straw.  My parents informed me that we could not be having trouble with the neighbors over Skippy’s bad behavior.  My Dad said he would take him to the pound.  My parents tried to convince me that he was such a nice dog that someone else would adopt him.  In my heart, I feared the worst.  I was inconsolable, even when I was promised that I could have one of the puppies that had resulted from his breaking and entering the neighbor’s cellar.

The night before he was to leave us, he slept next to my bed oblivious to his fate.  I lay in bed crying and trying to figure out if there was a way for me to run away with him.  No matter how hard I thought about it, or how hard I cried, I couldn’t imagine how Skippy and I would find food and shelter.  He could hunt rabbits, but what would I eat?  Where would we sleep at night?  How would we stay warm?  My heart was broken the next day when he obediently got into the car with my Dad, and he was gone forever.

I picked a sweet little female from the litter…the one who looked the most like him.  She was a smaller dog and slept in the chair next to my bed.  Queenie was a nice dog….but she wasn’t Skippy.   

I never told my parents how much I had wanted to run away.   I don’t think they ever knew how badly I hurt….but here I am thinking about it with sadness 60 years later.

Advice Regarding Genius

The news is currently reporting yet another child who is a "genius," perhaps smarter than Einstein.  Every time I see such things, I cringe.  If the parent is seeking publicity for a pre-schooler with a high IQ, a couple of mistakes have already been made.

Here is my advice on the subject.

1.       Do NOT have the IQ measured.  It is best if you and the child do NOT know.  There is nothing to be gained by having that number to cite.

2.       Do NOT seek publicity or join Mensa.  It can't possibly help the child.

3.       Homeschool the child allowing him/her to explore his/her interests, using non-traditional methods, but also making sure all the bases are covered.  Don't allow the child's knowledge base to become lop-sided.

4.       Aggressively seek out opportunities for socialization through the Y, clubs, church activities, neighborhood friends.  School is not a good setting for socialization.  It just means your child's schoolmates are slapped in the face with his/her brilliance every day, and your child is confused because his supposed peers aren't peers at all.

5.       Do not push the child in order to satisfy your own ego.  Wait until the child asks to take college courses, even if it is 2 or 3 years later than you think the child could handle it.

6.      Make sure the child does things which are physically active.  You don’t need to push a sport, but don’t neglect the physical in an attempt to develop the intellectual.

7.  Don't fail to help the child understand that there is no reason for arrogance.  He/she was given a gift and could just have easily been born without it.  He/she is responsible to use that gift wisely for the benefit of others.

AND
No matter how smart you are, the odds are good that there is someone somewhere who is actually smarter.

Not All Valentine’s Days Are Created Equal

Many Valentines celebrations have included a lovely dinner out….sometimes at a Sweetheart Banquet or among a group of good friends with whom there has been abundant laughter.   Some years, including this one, my honey has given me a beautiful arrangement of flowers.  Some years in our youth, the evening ended with me donning some special lingerie.  But, there have been other years when kids were sick or something unexpected made a shambles of our plans.

This year, my 96 year old father-in-law is living with us, and he can’t be left alone.  I didn’t want to ask anyone else to come and stay with him lest I mess up their Valentine plans.  So, I used Valentine napkins on the table, had my husband grill a steak out in the snow, made the meal colorful with fresh strawberries instead of a salad, and served a very pretty store-bought Valentine cake.  I don’t remember when I have ever purchased a cake instead of making one….but this year is different.  We are both tired and stressed.  We spent last evening in the ER with my father-in-law.

When we signed on for a life-time commitment to each other, we knew that every day wouldn’t be like a page from a romance novel.  If we had consciously thought about it, we would have known that every Valentines Day would not be special “us” time.  Tonight we are sitting on the sofa…each of us on our laptops.  My father-in-law is listening to his favorite channel on TV…which is NOT our favorite channel.  He has headphones on, but the sound is still so loud that we can hear it through his headphones across the room. 

But we still have what we did sign on for…doing things together, supporting each other through tough times, keeping a sense of humor, and extracting whatever sliver of enjoyment we can from whatever life throws at us.

Happy Valentines Day

Electra by Euripides

Electra was the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra.  When Agamemnon returned from the Trojan War, he was murdered by Clytemnestra and her lover Aegisthus, who then took over the throne.  Electra and her brother Orestes were small children at the time.  Because of fear that Aegisthus would kill Orestes, who might grow up to avenge his father, Orestes was spirited away to be raised in another country where he would be safe.  When Electra grew to adulthood, she had many suitors of noble birth, but Aegisthus married her off to a peasant.  His reasoning was that if she married someone of nobility, she might have a son who would grow up to avenge his grandfather Agamemnon.

The play begins with Electra living in squalor in the peasant’s hut, having to carrying her own water from the well, and make her own clothes.  However, the peasant, although impoverished, is a man of noble character.  He has not consummated the marriage, because he knows he is unworthy of Electra and understands why she was given in marriage to him.

Meanwhile, Orestes has grown to manhood and has returned to Argos to avenge his father’s murder.  He meets Electra, but does not immediately identify himself to her saying the he is a friend of Orestes.  Since they were parted as children, she does not recognize him.  After some conversation during which Electra tells Orestes her sad tale, the peasant comes home.  When he finds out that this man is a “friend” of Orestes, he invites him into his humble home.  Electra sends her peasant husband to her former caregiver, who is now an old man, for some provisions to entertain the guests.  When the old man arrives, he recognizes Orestes.  The old man was the one who saved Orestes’ life.  Orestes is now revealed to Electra as her brother.

Electra and Orestes plot together as to how they will kill Aegisthus and Clytemnestra.  The old man knows that Aegisthus is currently at his stables without armed guards.  Orestes goes off to kill him.  Electra sends word to her mother that she has just had a baby, knowing this will cause her mother to come visit her.  Although there is some stricken conscience popping up, Orestes, with encouragement from Electra, also dispatches their mother.

Electra and Orestes are now pretty horrified with what they have done.  But the Dioscuri (Castor and Polydeuces, who are gods and brothers of Clytemnestra) show up and basically say that this was fated and all will be well in the end.

Interesting quotes:

Peasant:  …whoso counts me but a fool for leaving a tender maid untouched when I have her in my house, to him I say, he measures purity by the vicious standard of his own soul, a standard like himself.

Electra’s response to the peasant:…tis rare fortune when mortals find such healing balm for their cruel wounds as ‘tis my lot to find in thee.

There is a touching mutual respect and affection portrayed in these characters.  The peasant is not nobility but is noble.

Orestes later expounds on the concept of nobility.  Saying that a noble sire may produce a worthless child, and evil parents may produce virtuous children.  By what standard then shall we rightly judge these things?  …learn to judge men by their converse, and by their habits decide who are noble.

Orestes: …else must we cease to believe in gods, if wrong is to triumph o’er right.  This is, of course, one of the arguments for believing there is no God.  A loving god would not allow the evil that occurs in the world.  We, however, are mortal and do not see the big picture or the future.

An interesting comment about the law and justice:  And this shall be the law for all posterity; in every trial the accused shall win his case if the votes are equal.  (spoken by the Dioscuri) I suppose this is a precursor of proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

The play ends with an assurance from the Dioscuri that the gods are on the side of the just.  Yet as we fly through heaven’s expanse, we help not the wicked; but whoso in his life loves piety and justice, all such we free from troublous toils and save.  If one were to believe this, then he would constantly be shunning those who have difficulty in life believing they were being punished for some hidden wrong doing.  That would be the viewpoint of Job’s miserable friends.

There is a whole lot in life we don’t understand!

Follow Your Arrow Wherever It Points

I’m not sure why, but I watched a little bit of the Grammies this week, and I found some of the lyrics really appalling.  The opening number was “Drunk in Love.”  I thought they were singing “Drunken Love,” and it sure looked like that was what they were advocating.  Of course, many of the lyrics in popular songs cannot be understood at all.  Words are screamed and slurred and often incomprehensible. 

One song for which I did understand the lyrics was “Follow Your Arrow Wherever It Points.”  Sadly, that is the mantra of a whole generation of young people who have absolutely no moral compass….no concept of right and wrong.  They believe it is totally legitimate to do whatever they want, and that no one has a right to interfere with their personal freedom.  They don’t even want to discuss the pros and cons of their behavior.

The trouble is that actions do have consequences.  The consequences may not be immediate, but they are inescapable.  The “straight and narrow” may not be attractive, but it at least leads somewhere.  Following the aimless, fickle arrow of one’s current impulses is a prescription for disaster.  It results in lack of education, lack of manners, joblessness, poverty, unwanted babies, and another generation of children raised in confusion with their arrows spinning hither and yon. 

An article in USA Today last week reported that nearly 50% of black men and 40% of white men are arrested for something other than a traffic violation by the time they are 23.  What??!!??   Oh, yeah…they are probably just following their arrows.  “Go directly to jail…do not pass Go.”

It is ironic that in an age when scientific precision causes us to be able to accomplish amazing things, the precision of individual lives is so lacking.  Our compasses no longer point to the magnetic North Pole of absolute truth.  Too many people are telling us that God is dead, truth is relative, and that each individual can define “North” as he/she sees fit.

Pardon me, but it doesn’t work that way!

Gangsta Gramma

I woke up today to a bitterly cold morning.  Our thermometer read 10 degrees below zero, and it didn’t budge after the sun came up.  My plan was to stay in this morning.  I pictured a nice, long, warm bath. 

I was still in my flannel PJs, fuzzy robe and cozy socks, when the phone rang.  One of my daughters, feeling ill, had gone to an urgent care bright and early and been diagnosed with an ear infection.  The reason for her call was a total lack of money to put gas in her car and buy tissues for her runny nose.  She wanted me to meet her in 15 minutes at a convenience store a little over a mile from our house and provide her with the funds.  I was annoyed.  I did NOT want to go out in the cold and agreed to do so grudgingly.

Obviously, there was no time for a shower.  I knew I needed to bundle up, so I pulled out a pair of long underwear.  What I grabbed were a pair of men’s long underwear, but I wasn’t in the mood to worry about that, beyond the fleeting thought that maybe I would be in an accident and have to go to the hospital in men’s undies.  I put on sweatpants and a sweat shirt.  No time for earrings or make-up….I just rubbed on some moisturizer to protect my skin from the cold.  I wrapped a scarf around my neck, pulled on my high snow-shoveling boots instead of dress boots, and finished off the ensemble with a knit cap pulled down as far as I could over my ears and forehead.  My hair was a disheveled mess, so the cap was doing dual duty for cover-up and warmth.

As I drove the car out of the garage into the brilliant sun, I took off my normal glasses and put on my prescription sunglasses.  I noted that the temperature in the garage read 17 degrees, and as I pulled away from the house, the temperature sank lower and lower….eventually down to six degrees below zero.

I had been muttering to myself on the way out the door, because I had left a message for someone to call me this morning with some information I needed.  I feared she would call while I was out, and she did.  My cell phone rang.  I did my best to remember the list of questions I had planned to ask her.  I arrived at the gas station shortly after the call and noticed my daughter’s car was already there.  I was sufficiently distracted by all of this, that I pulled my car up on the wrong side of the pump.  I knew I needed gas before giving my brother a ride to the doctor’s office today and had decided that as long as I was dragged out in the cold, I would get gas at the same time.

After giving my daughter what she needed, I pulled my car to the other side of the pump.  While doing this, I noticed a teenage boy running down the sidewalk, as fast as he could go.  I assumed he was headed for the high school which was only about 500 feet away.  It did occur to me that the school system was on a 2 hour delay because of the frigid temperatures, and that he was going to get there quite early.  No buses were unloading yet.  But, I was more interested in pumping my gas and getting someplace warm again.  Just taking my gloves off to push the buttons on the pump was painful.

After gassing up the car, I headed home.  About a half mile down the road, I saw the same teenage boy, but now walking and looking like he was freezing.  I then realized that he was not headed to the public high school, but to the Catholic high school….and he still had half a mile to go. I pulled over to the curb, rolled down the window and asked him if he wanted a ride.  He looked startled and like he wasn’t sure if he should get in the car with me.  Of course, I’m thinking that I look like my usual sweet little old lady self…..make-up, earrings, hair in place, cute red felt hat with sparkles on it.  Uh-oh….I am disheveled, no make-up, knit cap pulled down as far as possible and sunglasses hiding my kind eyes………..GANGSTA GRAMMA!

Apparently he was willing to risk it.  He hopped over the snow bank and slid in the car.  He never did put his seatbelt on, so maybe he was prepared for a hasty exit.  He had on light weight slacks, and I’m guessing no long undies for warmth.  He was NOT wearing either a hat or gloves and his jacket did not look especially warm.  I tried to put him at ease by chattering about the fact that I used to teach at the Catholic high school….hmmm….let’s see…that was 45 years ago.  I dropped him off wondering to myself if he would be able to get a ride home with someone. 

Later, while enjoying that warm bath I had planned, I pondered the incident.  I decided that I should not have been annoyed with having to go out in the cold.  I was supposed to give that poor freezing kid a ride.

Why Do Chemicals Get Such a Bad Rap?

One of my pet peeves, as a person with a degree in chemistry, is to hear people say that there are “chemicals” in our foods.  Of course there are.  Food is made of chemicals….proteins, carbohydrates and fats ARE chemicals.  Everything in the world is a chemical.  Oxygen in the air is a chemical.  Water is a chemical.  Our own bodies are a whole factory of chemicals reacting with each other constantly.  Chemicals are not inherently bad.

What these people really mean is that there may be potentially harmful man-made chemicals (i.e. not naturally occurring ones) in our foods.  This might include residues of pesticides or fertilizers used during the growing process or additives to preserve color or deter spoilage.  I propose calling these Artificially Created Harmful Substances…because ACHS seems like an appropriately revolting acronym.

However, even regarding ACHS, I cannot jump on the oh-my-goodness-let’s-read-every-label-and-eat-organic bandwagon.  I certainly would not propose a diet consisting entirely of processed meats which are high in nitrates, or drinking only soda which is flavored sugar water, or surviving on TV dinners which are often very high in sodium and fat in addition to various additives.  However, occasionally indulging in such foods should not throw one into a panic that he risking his health.

During the same time period that additives in processed foods have increased, life expectancy in the United States has increased.  My grandparents’ generation ate food off the farm raised naturally and in ways now labeled “organic.”  But, that generations’ life expectancy was considerably shorter than my generation.  The fact that cancer seems more prevalent now, may be nothing more than the natural consequence of people living longer.  The more times a cell divides, the greater the odds that something will go wrong during one of those divisions and rogue cells will develop.  (I am not disputing that some cancers seem clearly linked to harmful chemical exposure, but those are special cases of excessive exposure.)

I would propose all things in moderation.  I do not eat donuts every day, but once in awhile, I do eat one, and I don’t feel guilty.  I do not drink soda every day, but I do drink it on occasion.  I like bacon, hot dogs and salami.  I don’t eat them every day. 

When my mother died at the age of 80, my father (who lived to 90) said bitterly, “She believed in all things in moderation, and look where it got her.” 

I replied, “Yes, look where it got her.  She lived 10 years longer than anyone else in her family.”

My mother had a life-long history of vascular problems:  blood clots in her legs during pregnancies, a pulmonary embolism in her 40s, a heart attack in her 70s and finally the stroke which took her life.  However, her parents died at 65 and 68, and her brothers at 50, 61 and 70.  I think moderation in diet and NOT smoking, plus careful medical care served her well.

Speaking of careful medical care, medications are….gasp….chemicals!