The Value of a Home

Two years ago we decided that the responsible thing to do at our stage in life was to downsize.  We considered various ways of going about this, but given my husband’s tendency to procrastinate until a deadline looms, he thought we should go out and buy another house and then put our home of 34 years on the market.  I do think this was the right approach.  Cleaning up a 34 year collection was a huge task and a lengthy transition time was needed.  Had we sold the old place before looking for a new place, I have no idea how we would have ever gotten out in a timely fashion.

Admittedly, we haven’t actually “gotten out” totally.  My husband has not yet moved the entire contents of his den….there is a walk-in closet jammed with old software and computers.  A family member still has some items in the carriage house, and the antique  pump organ is still in the basement awaiting a decision.  But, basically we are moved out and the house has been on the market for two years.

We have had some nibbles, but no sale.  The real estate agent helped us set the price, and it does not seem unreasonable.  Recently a house across the street sold for 6% less than we are asking.  Our house has 6 bedrooms compared to 4 in that house, 4 bathrooms compared to 2 ½, two fireplaces compared to one, 3 porches compared to one, a carriage house compared to a two-stall garage, and our lot is significantly bigger.  Based on that, our price seems like a bargain.

Regarding condition of the homes….that house has been updated in terms of decorating.  Having walls painted in very deep shades is currently popular.  But, that is purely cosmetic…an easy and inexpensive fix.  Just before putting our home on the market, I had resurfaced the doors on the kitchen cupboards, had the kitchen painted and papered and put down new laminate flooring.  A couple of months ago, I had the counter-top replaced with a new and attractive material.

So…why is our lovely family home sitting there empty?

*Is the size of the home a negative?  Most families don’t need 6 bedrooms.  They don’t know they need 4 bathrooms until their daughters become teenagers.

*Is the size of the lot a negative?  I will grant you that mowing and leaf raking the property are daunting!

*Do I need to replace the carpet on the back stairs?  It is looking old and tired.

*Is there a paint or paper redo that would make the house more attractive to a buyer?

*I have been told the kitchen is too narrow.  Should I move one of our tables back over there so prospective buyers can visualize how a table fits in the space.  Granted, it may be too narrow if the occupants of the house are “oversized.”

OR

Is it possible that we overvalue the house, because, for us, it is so full of wonderful memories?

I remember the amazing 80 by 80 skating rink my husband created in the back yard several years.  The kids put their skates on in the kitchen and spent hours out there.  Other children came from blocks around and said it was the best ice in the city.

Our daughters did gymnastics in that huge living room.  Our son set up boxes as “hurdles” and ran through the rooms, leaping over them.

The porches were play areas on rainy days.  The second floor porch was a great place to sit and relax after the kids were in bed at night.

The 10-foot ceiling in the living room allowed for a massive Christmas tree.  I had a frame that fit in the large front window on the second floor, and I created a “stained-glass” window with colored cellophane for the holidays.  A group of young adults once made a haunted house in the basement.

The front hall window faces west and has prism glass.  Late in the afternoon when the sun is low in the sky, rainbows are thrown across the front hall and into the living room.

It wasn’t uncommon to host a party with 50 to 70 guests.  The kitchen was very functional for large scale entertaining and both the living room and dining room are spacious.

The third floor suite was often occupied by long-term house-guests….friends needing a place to live for weeks or months.

On occasion when the power was out (e.g. during ice storms), our house was full of short-term guests, because we had an old coal-burning furnace in the basement in which we could put a wood fire, and thus, keep the house warm even without electricity.

On cold winter days, one of my daughters curled up in cat-fashion on the carpet in the sunbeams streaming in a south-facing window.

No dollar value can be put on memories.  A family living in a home must make its own memories.  So, how do I place a value on my old home? 

What is it worth?

One of the Perils of Cold-Calling

My dear husband has an unusually high pitched voice for a man.  I, of course, noticed this when I first met him, but after a few minutes of conversation, I forgot all about it.  It has actually been an advantage in singing together over the years, since I am a soprano, and he is basically an alto.  So, I never think about the pitch of his voice anymore unless something happens that causes someone else to notice or comment. 

He has always hated phone calls. I attribute a small part of this to his voice and the vast majority of it to being male.  But, it is true that he is often mistaken for a woman on the phone.  I sometimes overhear him trying to convince a caller that he really is the man of the house.

A few years ago when he was still working full time, it was not unusual for him to receive calls at the office from someone trying to sell him something.  His secretary was very good at screening his calls and preventing unwanted interruptions.  However, one day his secretary was off, and there was a substitute taking his calls.  The poor woman became quite distressed over a particularly aggressive salesman who kept calling back over and over.  She could not get rid of him.  Finally, realizing that the situation was upsetting her, my husband told her that the next time the man called, she could connect him.

So when the salesman called again, the secretary connected him.  My husband answered and identified himself by name.  The salesman retorted, “Listen, lady, I don’t care how you try to disguise your voice.  I know it’s still you.”

My husband calmly replied, “Well, I guess you don’t want to talk to me very badly,” and hung up.

The salesman never called back.

My husband enjoyed telling me the story.  I enjoyed picturing the look on the salesman’s face and the confusion in his brain as he sorted out what had just happened.

Why Aren't Canadians Home Eating Turkey?

It is Columbus Day weekend in the US and Canadian Thanksgiving across the border.  We both have a long weekend.  I have observed this weekend that an awful lot of Canadians are not home eating turkey and pumpkin pie.  They have driven into the US and are evident in our stores in large numbers. 

Saturday I had reason to spend 2 hours at a table at the entrance to a department store in the local mall.  I did not keep careful statistics, but I talked to nearly everyone entering the store, and my guess is that about 75% of the customers were Canadian.  Today, I was at a store in one of the plazas near I-81, which runs straight to the Canadian border, and there were many, many Canadian license plates on the cars in the parking lot.

If you talk to these Canadian shoppers, you will learn that they save money by coming into the States to make purchases.  Their sales tax is almost twice as high as ours.  Many of these same Canadians brag about their government provided healthcare coverage.  They do not understand how a civilized society, such as that in the US, can be so negligent in not providing universal coverage.

Hmmm....wait a minute here.  Is it possible that they want universal coverage, but they don't want to pay the price?

As someone who has worked in the healthcare field and who has family members currently on government run programs, here are some things I know:
*the healthcare system in the US is broken.
*it is heart-breaking to meet people who need medical care they can't afford.
*those who are already covered by medical programs in the US frequently take advantage of the services in ways that are more expensive than necessary, because they aren't paying for it themselves..
*people in the US who have no insurance and self-pay, are charged more than those with insurance, since the insurance companies make agreements with healthcare providers.
*Canadians like their health care coverage.
*Canadians don't like their tax rate.

So, here you have plenty of material to start arguing either for or against universal coverage.  But, one thing is clear, if we get universal coverage, and goods and services become more expensive as a result, we won't be able to save money by driving up to Canada to buy things.

And that is why many Canadians are not home eating turkey and pumpkin pie today.

Now Strengthen My Hands

They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”  But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”  Nehemiah 6:9

So the wall was completed….our enemies lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.  Nehemiah 6:15, 16

Stepping out of the fog of adolescence,

Embarking on the maze of decisions,

Establishing myself in the adult world,

Now strengthen my hands.

Finding a soul-mate and partner,

Committing to love forever,

Learning to live together,

Now strengthen my hands.

Answering the cries of an infant,

Running after the toddler,

Instilling values in the child,

Now strengthen my hands.

Hanging on for the wild ride,

Living through teen years from the other side,

Providing the platform from which they dive,

Now strengthen my hands.

Watching talents slip away with age,

Moving more slowly and carefully,

Prioritizing prayerfully,

Now strengthen my hands.

Completing the mission,

Reaching the finish line,

Passing the baton,

Now strengthen my hands.

Alcestis by Euripides

At the rate I am going there is no way I will get through all of the Great Book Series before I expire.  I am seriously considering skipping over the rest of the works of Euripides.  I don’t like his attitude toward women.  In two of his prior works, he has expressed that it would be great if men could procreate without involving women.  In Alcestis, he apparently concedes the necessity of women to bring about off-spring, but I’m not so sure that he isn’t pleased with the notion of them dying shortly after they accomplish this function.

Admetus has been doomed to die unless he can get someone to take his place and go to Hades for him.  No one steps forward to do this.  He is miffed at his parents.  They are old anyway….shouldn’t they be willing to die for him?  He says this in so many words to his elderly father.

His dear precious wife, mother of his children, is the only one who loves him enough to die for him.  A considerable part of the play is taken up with her taking leave of her husband and children and bemoaning her fate.  She extracts a promise from Admetus that he will not remarry, because she is concerned about how a stepmother would treat her children.  He promises to remain true to her even after she is gone.  He will have an image of her made and hold that in his arms.

Shortly after she actually dies, Hercules arrives on the scene.  He is on his way to accomplish one of his Herculean tasks, and he is looking for lodging from his friend Admetus.  Admetus doesn’t want to be inhospitable, so he doesn’t let on to Hercules that his wife his just died.  Hercules eventually figures out that everyone is in mourning, and that he is being a bit too jovial for the occasion.

Hercules manages to ambush Death and return Alcestis to her home.  However, she is not allowed to speak for three days, and he presents her to Admetus veiled and without explaining who she really is.  Admetus repeatedly refuses to take this woman into his home lest he be disloyal to his recently deceased wife.  Eventually he figures out that it is his wife, and he is overjoyed.

Observations:

What a wimp!  I thought men were supposed to protect their wives.  He seems to think it is just fine if she dies for him.

Euripides apparently likes women either dead or unable to speak.

His real point apparently is stated in the closing paragraph:  Many are the shapes that fortune takes, and oft the gods bring things to pass beyond our expectation.  That which we deemed so sure is not fulfilled, while for that we never thought should be, God finds out a way.

Music Fell on My Head

When my son was about two years old, he made a startling unsolicited statement.  "You know Mommy, when I was in your tummy, I could not hear your voice, but music fell on my head."

I often sat down at the piano to play and sing during my pregnancy.  I continued to sing in a choir and to sing solos during those months. But, this revelation left me speechless and full of questions.

Could he possibly be remembering something that happened before his birth?
Do all children have pre-birth memories, but most forget them before they are articulate enough to express them?
Was it possible that the vibrations he now knew were associated with music were familiar to him from the womb?

Twenty-six years later, I am still pondering these questions and others.

What happens if what falls on an unborn child's head is loud, angry and profane?
If a child does not have the vocabulary to express the negative vibrations he has experienced, does it come out in behavior?

How I wish that every unborn child felt soothing music fall on his or her head.  Shouldn't every child emerge from the womb having already experienced a lullaby? 

Peanut Butter Sandwiches and Other Weapons

Periodically the peanut butter sandwich controversy rears its head.  I saw some online discussion again today about a child whose PBJ was confiscated at a school which has a “no PBJ” policy.  One side complains that this is an infringement on the right of a mother to lovingly make the sandwich of her child’s choice.  The other side says that the sandwich is potentially life threatening to allergic children who have a right to be safe at school.

As the mother of a son who grew up with life-threatening allergies to milk, eggs, peanuts and tree nuts (e.g. walnuts, pecans), I see both sides of this issue.  It seems totally unfair to declare that no child can have a peanut butter sandwich at school.  It is a favorite that provides protein along with the carbohydrate and fat, so it is a reasonable nutritious option.  It is easy….a child can even make the sandwich himself. 

BUT 

Some allergic children cannot even tolerate the odor of peanut butter or the slightest accidental contact with it.  Suppose the tables aren’t adequately wiped after lunch and an allergic child eats in that spot at the next lunch hour?   Suppose some mean kid decides it would be funny to sneak a fragment between the bread slices of an allergic child’s sandwich?

Some schools have a special table that is peanut free.  That only works if the situation is adequately supervised, and it doesn’t help the child who is allergic to foods other than peanuts.  I was concerned about someone clowning around and shooting milk out of their straw in the direction of my son.  A splash on the arm would have only caused a few hives, but had he gotten milk in his eyes it would have been a different matter entirely.  As a teen he attended a graduation party where pizza was served.  He did not eat any, but after the meal the kids all went out and played basketball.  Most had not washed their hands.  The cheese residue from their hands was transferred to the ball and from there to my unsuspecting son’s hands.  As he played ball, he wiped perspiration out of his eyes with his hands, and WHAM…he was in a lot of trouble fast.  On another occasion, he was at an event where kids were building their own ice cream sundaes.  Two of the attendees picked up aerosol cans of cream and started running around trying to shoot each other with the cream.  My son jumped up and ran for the nearest exit lest he get caught in the crossfire.  Adult supervision quickly stopped this unauthorized warfare, but suppose my son hadn’t noticed what was going on and had been an unintended casualty?

So what to do?  I solved a lot of the problem by homeschooling my son.  It was not the primary reason I chose to home school him, but it was a contributing factor.  However, everyone cannot make this choice.  Not all mothers possess the ability to home school, or it may be financially necessary for both parents to work.

Certainly having a child who is educated about his/her own allergy is helpful, but what if the child is too young to understand or not mentally agile enough to comprehend the risk?

From the school’s perspective, if they allow PBJs, are they committing to supervise the situation closely?  Are they going to adequately train the cafeteria monitors?

I am not in favor of banning peanut butter sandwiches.

I am in favor of education of teachers, cafeteria workers, lunch monitors, and children….both the allergic and the non-allergic.  Education about other disabilities is included in the curriculum.  Food allergies are a significant disability.

I am in favor of careful attention by those supervising the lunch room, so that out of control situations potentially dangerous to the allergic child do not happen.  Lunch monitors should know that maintaining order is essential to safety.

I am in favor of Benadryl and auto-injecting epinephrine syringes being on site and available for use…even without a prescription specific to a given child.  If there is no on site nurse, someone in the school must be trained to recognize the signs of an allergic reaction and respond appropriately.  When a child goes into anaphylaxis, there is no time to stand around trying to decide what to do.

No child should suffer death by peanut butter sandwich.  No child should have to live with the notion that his favorite sandwich killed his favorite friend.