What on earth has happened to our society? I am absolutely sickened by the notion that single motherhood is an option, or that a couple can hook up, create a baby without having built a relationship with each other, and think that they are going to be a family even though they fight constantly.
There is a whole subset of our society that gives no thought to what it means to bring a baby into a secure and stable environment. Becoming pregnant is some sort of status symbol among young women...."oh, isn't this cool....see my belly getting bigger! I can get milk, eggs and fresh fruit with my WIC check. Social Services will increase the rent allotment for our apartment, because we are living together as a family unit. Yeah....I've got lots of things for the baby...I got them from friends and picked them up at the thrift store.....oh, and my grandmother will give me money for what the baby needs."
Yeah...I am the grandmother....whoops, the great-grandmother....and my heart breaks. I am furious with the total fools in the media who have glamorized this sorry condition. I struggle with the role that social services plays. It is a good thing there is a safety net or a bad thing because people learn to rely on it?
How is it that there is no longer a connection between actions and consequences? Doesn't anybody get it anymore?
Here is truth. If you are going to bring a child into the world you should:
1. Become the best you can be as a single person. Forget about the opposite gender and engaging in sex. Develop your mind and your social skills. Get an education, travel, establish yourself in a career. Bring something good and positive to your role as a wife and mother.
2. Look for a partner who shares your values and with whom there is mutual respect. Become friends. Delay sexual gratification.
3. Enter into a real marriage...not some silly sham that involves spending lots of money on a ceremony, reception and honeymoon, just because it makes you 'queen for a day.' Promise to love this person 'til death do you part and mean it.
4. Prayerfully with your partner, consider whether you are ready to accept the responsibility of being a parent. Your will never be 100% ready, but it should not be entered into on a whim or because you think it will cement a crumbling relationship. This is a real human being you are thinking about creating, and parenting is not an 18 year job. It is a life-time commitment.
The grandmother or great-grandmother wants to give you baby gifts. She wants to hold your baby and ohhh and ahhhh, but she does not want to raise the child. She does not want to have her heart broken as you scream at the child or at your spouse. She does not want to have to watch the child raised in poverty.
Please, don't settle for less than what God intends. He didn't set down guidelines to torture us and make us miserable...it is possible to survive virginity until marriage. God knows what we and our children need in order to be fulfilled....and it is NOT easy casual meaningless sex.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Will He Find One?
For the
eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts
are fully committed to him. II Chronicles 16:9
The watchful eyes that never sleep,
Search
throughout the earth.
They
miss no movement,
Not
even the fall of a sparrow.
Dark
and light are alike to Him.
Shadows
cannot hide us.
There
is no corner,
That
cannot be pierced by His gaze.
Adam
and Eve hid in the garden,
Knowing
their sin.
He called
to them, knowing where they were
Knowing
what they had done.
Yet, He
searches not to judge,
But to
bless and strengthen.
He
looks for the fully committed heart.
Will He
find one?
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Solomon's Discerning Question
But will God really dwell on earth with men? The heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built! II Chronicles 6:18
Solomon, renowned for both his knowledge and wisdom, asks a very discerning question. Will God really dwell on earth with men?
I understand that many people do not believe in God. But....if there is an all powerful being who created all matter and is the source of all energy, would He choose to even communicate with insignificant man? Would He choose to "dwell" with us?
Solomon's father David grappled with the same question in Psalm 8: 3-4 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
After Solomon completes his prayer in II Chronicles 6, the first verse in chapter 7 says: ...fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and sacrifices, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple. The answer was YES!
Centuries later Christ was born. Isaiah's prophecy (Is. 7:14) is quoted in Matthew 1:23. And they will call him Immanuel..which means, "God with us." God again chose to dwell with man. This time in the person of Jesus Christ. The answer to Solomon's question was YES!
When Christ returned to heaven, He left behind the Holy Spirit, as an indwelling presence for the church and the individual believer. In John chapter 16, Christ explains that when He leaves the earth, His followers will not be abandoned. He will send the Spirit to comfort, counsel and guide into truth. He again makes provision for God to dwell among men. The answer to the question is again YES!
Now as to 'why' God would choose to dwell with man...that is a mystery. The only explanation I know is that He chose to love us. He decided to create us 'in his image' and decided to allow us to have a relationship with Him. It is in His very nature to do so, whether or not we deserve it....and by the way, we don't.
I am grateful that He is there, and that He cares. He didn't have to do that! It's not like the creator and sustaining force of the universe needs us.
What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
Solomon, renowned for both his knowledge and wisdom, asks a very discerning question. Will God really dwell on earth with men?
I understand that many people do not believe in God. But....if there is an all powerful being who created all matter and is the source of all energy, would He choose to even communicate with insignificant man? Would He choose to "dwell" with us?
Solomon's father David grappled with the same question in Psalm 8: 3-4 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
After Solomon completes his prayer in II Chronicles 6, the first verse in chapter 7 says: ...fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and sacrifices, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple. The answer was YES!
Centuries later Christ was born. Isaiah's prophecy (Is. 7:14) is quoted in Matthew 1:23. And they will call him Immanuel..which means, "God with us." God again chose to dwell with man. This time in the person of Jesus Christ. The answer to Solomon's question was YES!
When Christ returned to heaven, He left behind the Holy Spirit, as an indwelling presence for the church and the individual believer. In John chapter 16, Christ explains that when He leaves the earth, His followers will not be abandoned. He will send the Spirit to comfort, counsel and guide into truth. He again makes provision for God to dwell among men. The answer to the question is again YES!
Now as to 'why' God would choose to dwell with man...that is a mystery. The only explanation I know is that He chose to love us. He decided to create us 'in his image' and decided to allow us to have a relationship with Him. It is in His very nature to do so, whether or not we deserve it....and by the way, we don't.
I am grateful that He is there, and that He cares. He didn't have to do that! It's not like the creator and sustaining force of the universe needs us.
What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
Friday, July 27, 2012
Indiscreet Conversation
Have you ever been near someone who was talking loudly about something that you had no business overhearing? There is a real increase in these types of incidents with the prevalence of cell phones. People walk along in very public settings having what ought to be very private conversations. Most of the time when you overhear these conversations, you don't know who is being talked about. But...what if you did?
Although my two stories do not involve cell phones, they are cautionary.
A few years ago, I was sitting in the waiting area of a doctor's office where my father had an appointment. The doctor's private office was close enough to the waiting room that he should have known enough to close his office door when having a private conversation. I could clearly hear him on the phone discussing what had occurred at his church board meeting the previous evening, and how he felt about it. It did not involve my church, but I could tell from the conversation exactly which church it did involve, and I was acquainted with people from that church. I kept what I had heard to myself....I had no business knowing it...but I could have created upheaval by sharing what I overheard.
Many years ago, my aunt was separated from her husband. She was harboring hopes of reconciliation and had no reason to think that was an impossibility. One day she was riding the bus back from work in downtown Buffalo. Two women in the seat next to her were gossiping about their boss, and the fact that he and his secretary had recently started living together. They had no idea that the woman sitting in the next seat was the estranged wife of the boss. She went home devastated, her hopes dashed. Perhaps, it was a good thing that she found out the truth, but what a painful way to learn it.
It is not uncommon for one of my daughters to be talking to me on a cell phone while in a store or other public setting. I have lost track of the number of times I have told her, "This conversation should not be occurring where other people can hear you."
Unless you know every person in ear-shot and want what you are discussing shared with them, you need to assume that someone may be present who shouldn't overhear your conversation.
Although my two stories do not involve cell phones, they are cautionary.
A few years ago, I was sitting in the waiting area of a doctor's office where my father had an appointment. The doctor's private office was close enough to the waiting room that he should have known enough to close his office door when having a private conversation. I could clearly hear him on the phone discussing what had occurred at his church board meeting the previous evening, and how he felt about it. It did not involve my church, but I could tell from the conversation exactly which church it did involve, and I was acquainted with people from that church. I kept what I had heard to myself....I had no business knowing it...but I could have created upheaval by sharing what I overheard.
Many years ago, my aunt was separated from her husband. She was harboring hopes of reconciliation and had no reason to think that was an impossibility. One day she was riding the bus back from work in downtown Buffalo. Two women in the seat next to her were gossiping about their boss, and the fact that he and his secretary had recently started living together. They had no idea that the woman sitting in the next seat was the estranged wife of the boss. She went home devastated, her hopes dashed. Perhaps, it was a good thing that she found out the truth, but what a painful way to learn it.
It is not uncommon for one of my daughters to be talking to me on a cell phone while in a store or other public setting. I have lost track of the number of times I have told her, "This conversation should not be occurring where other people can hear you."
Unless you know every person in ear-shot and want what you are discussing shared with them, you need to assume that someone may be present who shouldn't overhear your conversation.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Self-Esteem
Although I have at times been appalled by the attempts of educators and those in the psycho-social community to build self-esteem in children at the expense of honesty and reality, I do see the need for self-esteem in order to be a functional human being.
I grew up with a father who was very difficult on my self-esteem. I knew that he loved me, but he told me on a regular basis that I was fat and stupid. If I expressed hurt, he claimed he was "just kidding" and added that I shouldn't be such a "sooky." I guess that meant I was whining and didn't have tough enough skin. On some level deep within myself, I knew that I was actually smarter than most, but he was my father, and he did tell me I was stupid. Maybe he was right?
I also grew up in a conservative Protestant church where taking pride in ones appearance was implied to be sinful, along with acknowledging ones superiority in any way. I did not wear make-up as a teenager. I tried not to be jealous of pretty clothes that other girls had. I also knew we didn't have the money for the variety of stylish apparel worn by some of my friends. But, I had friends who had less than I did, so I tried to be grateful for what I did have.
As I grew, my ability as a soloist was recognized. I was frequently asked to sing at church and my musical talent was also acknowledged at school. When I was complimented, I was afraid to accept the compliment least I appear full of pride.
I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I had never left home, or if I had attended a college near enough that I often went home on weekends. I might have forever felt inadequate and unable to move about comfortably in the world.
I don't know how I had the courage to go over 700 miles away to a strange city where I knew absolutely no one. I believed it was the right thing to do, so I did it. I didn't know how much I needed to change. My only awareness of such a need was that I was not going to be like my mother who never learned to drive and was totally dependent on my father to go anywhere.
I quickly discovered in nursing school...the old 3-year diploma type program...that it was sink or swim. If you are going to be a nurse and do the things nurses do, you have to display confidence. It isn't proud to do so, it is essential for the security of your patient that he/she not see fear and anxiety in the nurse. The knowledge that you know what to do and can do it is not a point of sinful pride, it is a comfort to the person for whom you are caring.
I also figured out that when I sang a solo and someone came up to compliment me, it was wrong to deflect the compliment. It caused the person to squirm and feel like they had to say something additional to assure you of their sincerity. The right thing to do was to thank them and tell them you were glad they enjoyed it.
I also decided that it was perfectly acceptable to try and look my best. I started to wear make-up and took advice on clothing from a stylish room-mate. Physical appearance is one of the ways a person represents not only herself, but her profession, her family, and even the God she claims to serve.
I suppose the toughest thing to deal with in this regard is the awareness of being intellectually superior without being arrogant. I have come to believe that it is wrong to allow a child who is exceptional to think that they are average or "stupid." If you are not allowed to think you are superior, when you are, it creates major confusion. You are left wondering what on earth is wrong with the rest of the world. You ask, "If I am normal and I understand this, why don't they?" It is far better to allow the gifted child to realize that he/she is unusual, but to understand that with the gift comes a responsibility for patience and compassion. I never came to grips with this until after I was married. I would express frustration to my husband about what seemed to me stupidity on the part of others, and he would patiently tell me that I was the one who was abnormal. Most people didn't see what I saw. This came as a shock to me. The idea that my ability to reason was better than most was something I had not been allowed to contemplate. It was "sinful." However, suppressing the thought that I was more intelligent actually caused me more problems than acknowledging it to myself. If I let myself think the seemingly sinful thought, I can also be more compassionate. I wish I had come to this understanding at an earlier age before facial expressions and tones of voice, which are hurtful to others, but to which I am oblivious, were ingrained.
So...in the end I have decided that it is perfectly OK to have self-esteem, but it isn't based on IQ, physical appearance, talents, money, social standing. It is good if we are aware of the gifts we have been given and feel a responsibility for using them wisely. But true self-esteem comes from this:
I am a unique individual created by a God who loves me and has a purpose for my existence. He cared enough about me to send His only Son to die to pay the penalty for my sins. He expects me to use the abilities He has given me.
Every single person in the world should remind him/herself of this daily.
I grew up with a father who was very difficult on my self-esteem. I knew that he loved me, but he told me on a regular basis that I was fat and stupid. If I expressed hurt, he claimed he was "just kidding" and added that I shouldn't be such a "sooky." I guess that meant I was whining and didn't have tough enough skin. On some level deep within myself, I knew that I was actually smarter than most, but he was my father, and he did tell me I was stupid. Maybe he was right?
I also grew up in a conservative Protestant church where taking pride in ones appearance was implied to be sinful, along with acknowledging ones superiority in any way. I did not wear make-up as a teenager. I tried not to be jealous of pretty clothes that other girls had. I also knew we didn't have the money for the variety of stylish apparel worn by some of my friends. But, I had friends who had less than I did, so I tried to be grateful for what I did have.
As I grew, my ability as a soloist was recognized. I was frequently asked to sing at church and my musical talent was also acknowledged at school. When I was complimented, I was afraid to accept the compliment least I appear full of pride.
I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I had never left home, or if I had attended a college near enough that I often went home on weekends. I might have forever felt inadequate and unable to move about comfortably in the world.
I don't know how I had the courage to go over 700 miles away to a strange city where I knew absolutely no one. I believed it was the right thing to do, so I did it. I didn't know how much I needed to change. My only awareness of such a need was that I was not going to be like my mother who never learned to drive and was totally dependent on my father to go anywhere.
I quickly discovered in nursing school...the old 3-year diploma type program...that it was sink or swim. If you are going to be a nurse and do the things nurses do, you have to display confidence. It isn't proud to do so, it is essential for the security of your patient that he/she not see fear and anxiety in the nurse. The knowledge that you know what to do and can do it is not a point of sinful pride, it is a comfort to the person for whom you are caring.
I also figured out that when I sang a solo and someone came up to compliment me, it was wrong to deflect the compliment. It caused the person to squirm and feel like they had to say something additional to assure you of their sincerity. The right thing to do was to thank them and tell them you were glad they enjoyed it.
I also decided that it was perfectly acceptable to try and look my best. I started to wear make-up and took advice on clothing from a stylish room-mate. Physical appearance is one of the ways a person represents not only herself, but her profession, her family, and even the God she claims to serve.
I suppose the toughest thing to deal with in this regard is the awareness of being intellectually superior without being arrogant. I have come to believe that it is wrong to allow a child who is exceptional to think that they are average or "stupid." If you are not allowed to think you are superior, when you are, it creates major confusion. You are left wondering what on earth is wrong with the rest of the world. You ask, "If I am normal and I understand this, why don't they?" It is far better to allow the gifted child to realize that he/she is unusual, but to understand that with the gift comes a responsibility for patience and compassion. I never came to grips with this until after I was married. I would express frustration to my husband about what seemed to me stupidity on the part of others, and he would patiently tell me that I was the one who was abnormal. Most people didn't see what I saw. This came as a shock to me. The idea that my ability to reason was better than most was something I had not been allowed to contemplate. It was "sinful." However, suppressing the thought that I was more intelligent actually caused me more problems than acknowledging it to myself. If I let myself think the seemingly sinful thought, I can also be more compassionate. I wish I had come to this understanding at an earlier age before facial expressions and tones of voice, which are hurtful to others, but to which I am oblivious, were ingrained.
So...in the end I have decided that it is perfectly OK to have self-esteem, but it isn't based on IQ, physical appearance, talents, money, social standing. It is good if we are aware of the gifts we have been given and feel a responsibility for using them wisely. But true self-esteem comes from this:
I am a unique individual created by a God who loves me and has a purpose for my existence. He cared enough about me to send His only Son to die to pay the penalty for my sins. He expects me to use the abilities He has given me.
Every single person in the world should remind him/herself of this daily.
Friday, July 20, 2012
What Do Women Want in a Kitchen?
Our beautiful Victorian home with 6 bedrooms and 4 full bathrooms has been for sale for almost 2 years. Real estate agents tell us that everyone who looks at the house thinks it is beautiful, but they think the price is too high when they take into consideration changes they would want to make. Ignoring the fact that if they were really interested, they could make an offer lower than the asking price, this brings me to the question, "what is it they want to change?" Number one answer: the kitchen.
The kitchen is actually very attractive and functional. I have served meals for 70-80 people from that kitchen. I have baked and decorated fairly elaborate cakes in that kitchen. It also has some unique features. The main chimney of the house goes up through the kitchen. When we moved in decades ago, we had the outside surface of the chimney sandblasted and coated with polyurethane. The oven, a microwave shelf and a shelf for cookbooks are built in between the chimney and the adjacent wall creating a very pretty and unusual feature.
About 2 years before the house went on the market, I thought of completely remodeling the kitchen. All of the research I did indicated that this was not wise. The experts said that you will never get your money out of a kitchen remodel. So, I sanded down and refinished cabinet doors that didn't look up to snuff. I had the kitchen painted and papered and had laminate flooring installed. I loved my "new" kitchen and joked that maybe I wouldn't move after all.
But.....I did not change the counter-top. I am now thinking that everyone expects granite or similar counter-top. What??? Why on earth? Given the amount of eating out that occurs, and the prevalence of convenience foods in the grocery store, and the shrinking of grocery store shelf space designated for basic ingredients, it sure looks to me like the modern woman doesn't actually use her kitchen much. It looks like a coffee maker, two burners, and a microwave would almost do it for lots of women. However, apparently all of the appliances need to sit on fancy gleaming counter-top.
I guess I will make a trip to Lowes and Home Depot and check out model kitchens to see what young women want their kitchen to look like. It must be that kitchens have gone the way of lots of other things in our world and appearance trumps function.
Oh, Wow....I'm older than I realized!
The kitchen is actually very attractive and functional. I have served meals for 70-80 people from that kitchen. I have baked and decorated fairly elaborate cakes in that kitchen. It also has some unique features. The main chimney of the house goes up through the kitchen. When we moved in decades ago, we had the outside surface of the chimney sandblasted and coated with polyurethane. The oven, a microwave shelf and a shelf for cookbooks are built in between the chimney and the adjacent wall creating a very pretty and unusual feature.
About 2 years before the house went on the market, I thought of completely remodeling the kitchen. All of the research I did indicated that this was not wise. The experts said that you will never get your money out of a kitchen remodel. So, I sanded down and refinished cabinet doors that didn't look up to snuff. I had the kitchen painted and papered and had laminate flooring installed. I loved my "new" kitchen and joked that maybe I wouldn't move after all.
But.....I did not change the counter-top. I am now thinking that everyone expects granite or similar counter-top. What??? Why on earth? Given the amount of eating out that occurs, and the prevalence of convenience foods in the grocery store, and the shrinking of grocery store shelf space designated for basic ingredients, it sure looks to me like the modern woman doesn't actually use her kitchen much. It looks like a coffee maker, two burners, and a microwave would almost do it for lots of women. However, apparently all of the appliances need to sit on fancy gleaming counter-top.
I guess I will make a trip to Lowes and Home Depot and check out model kitchens to see what young women want their kitchen to look like. It must be that kitchens have gone the way of lots of other things in our world and appearance trumps function.
Oh, Wow....I'm older than I realized!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
The Cost
A decision can be made so quickly…
With no thought to the cost.
Payment may be deferred…
Days
Weeks
Months
Years
But, when the bill comes due…
Who will pay it?
Will it be…
You
Your parent
Your child
Society?
And, when the bill comes due…
How will it be paid?
Will the currency be…
Time
Money
Tears
Pain?
We can’t always calculate….
The cost in advance.
But should we not be…
Frugal
Careful
Thoughtful
Prayerful?
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