The Pursuit of Happiness

We are all (or we all should be) familiar with the fact that the Declaration of Independence says we are entitled to “the pursuit of happiness.”  Please note:  It does not say we will all achieve it…only that we have a right to pursue it.

I have been wondering lately if the pursuit of happiness is a worthy goal. I pondered the idea this morning from a bath tub filled with warm water, which is one of my “happy places.” We all want to be happy, but can we be happy, if that is what we are attempting to achieve?

My daughter-in-law recently posted a video clip of her baby.  She can be heard singing in the background to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands.”  However, she has altered the words to “If You’re Happy and You Know it, Eat Your Hands.”  As she sings, her 3-month old daughter chews on her fists and fingers, obviously pursuing pleasure.  But then, she removes her hands from her mouth to smile at her mother.  There are multiple cycles of this as the song is sung through once.  Now, if the little sweetie was alone in her crib and chewing on her hands, would she remove them from her mouth and grin aimlessly at nothing and no one?  I doubt it.  Her happiness is not in the pleasurable sensation of fingers in the mouth; it is in interaction with her mother.  Although her mother’s face is not visible, you know as you listen, that she is smiling and almost laughing as she sings.  So, the baby’s pursuit of happiness is not what is actually making her happy.  It is her mother’s love and delight in her to which she responds with such a happy face.

I have heard of elderly men and women whose spouses are in nursing homes and no longer recognize them.  They feel they should not have to be lonely, and that they should be able to pursue happiness by dating someone else.  I also know of people who have faithfully visited their incapacitated spouse or cared for them at home themselves in order to keep their marriage vow and pour back into their spouse’s life, the love they have received from them.  While acknowledging their loneliness, they have felt right about their commitment.  Which situation actually produces happiness?  I can’t answer that question.  I haven’t been there.  But, I suspect those who are faithful have an inner peace that makes mere happiness trivial.

I know of a woman who broke up a friend’s marriage and married her friend’s husband.  She said that they had “a right to be happy.”  Did they?  Is the pursuit of our own happiness to be our chief goal in life?  Are we to pursue our own happiness at the expense of someone else’s happiness?

Nowhere in the Bible are we told to pursue happiness.  II Timothy 2:22, however, tells us to “pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace.”

While I was having my nice happy soak in the tub this morning, I started to sing a song I learned as a child.  I couldn’t quite remember all of the lyrics, so I looked them up.

"Happiness Is The Lord"
By Ira Stanphill

Happiness is to know the Savior, 
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior, 
Happiness is the Lord

Happiness is a new creation, 
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation, 
Happiness is the Lord

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start
I've found the secret 
It's Jesus in my heart
Happiness is to be forgiven, 
Living a life that's worth the livin'
Taking a trip that leads to heaven,
Happiness is the Lord

This is, of course, not the perspective of most of the world, but I have made it mine.  This will be my pursuit.

Will He Find One?

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. II Chronicles 16:9

The watchful eyes that never sleep,

Search throughout the earth.

They miss no movement,

Not even the fall of a sparrow.

Dark and light are alike to Him.

Shadows cannot hide us.

There is no corner,

That cannot be pierced by His gaze.

Adam and Eve hid in the garden,

Knowing their sin.

He called to them, knowing where they were

Knowing what they had done.

Yet, He searches not to judge,

But to bless and strengthen.

He looks for the fully committed heart.

Will He find one?

A Love Story

I just finished creating a family picture wall.  In the center I placed an 8X10 of my husband and me.  To the right are 5X7s of our four children and further to the right 4X6s of our grandchildren.  To the left are 5X7s of our parents and then, 4X6s of our grandparents.  Although all of the frames are not identical, they all have some gold on them.  I painted directly on the wallpaper with gold paint to connect the frames with branching vines and leaves.  I am very pleased with the result.

Sorting through the pictures in order to find usable ones the correct size was interesting.  I did have to do some scanning and printing out to achieve the uniformity I wanted.  I could not find wedding pictures of all of our grandparents, so, in some cases, I used individual pictures of the couple placed in the same frame.

As I ponder the wedding pictures, I see very different poses and facial expressions.  My son and his wife are in profile, both smiling happily with their noses and foreheads touching.  I have other pictures of them, but I like that one because in the touching of their foreheads, I see the synergy of two brilliant minds. 

In my own wedding picture, my husband has picked me up and stands in a doorway, as though he is carrying me off.  We are both laughing.

My husband’s parents are posed in front of the home that was just built for them.  They are still living in that home together 72 years later.  My own parents stand in front of the fireplace in my grandparents living room with their hands clasped together at their sides.  My mother is beautiful and radiant.  My father stands tall in his military attire, but only the slightest smile plays on his lips.  They were married during World War II while he was home on a 3-day pass.  The uncertainty of the future can be seen in his eyes and brow.

The most fascinating of the pictures for me is the one of my mother’s parents.  I don’t know the date of their wedding, but I suppose it was in the range of 1910 to 1912.  They are seated together on a bench, not really touching, but leaning towards each other.  My grandmother’s dress is white with a high collar, long sleeves, and a cinched in waist.  The bodice appears to have numerous vertical tucks.  Her hat is very elaborate and covered with flowers, but she holds only a tiny sprig of flowers in her graceful hand.  She is a very beautiful, slender woman with delicate features, but she is not smiling.  Grandpa wears a three-piece suit with a tie and has no hint of a smile.  I wonder at the thoughts and emotions they were experiencing that day.  I have no idea if they were “in love” at that point.

My grandmother had an older sister who was married and had a child.  When her sister became very ill and knew she was dying, she begged my grandmother to care for her little son.  Grandma promised that she would.  When the time came, however, Grandma was afraid to move into the home of her brother-in-law to care for the child.  The man had a reputation for being a “womanizer,” and she was fearful that moving into his home would ruin her own reputation.  People did care about such things 100 years ago.  My grandfather married her, so that they could move into the home as a married couple, and she would not have to fear what might be said about her.  Obviously, they must have been friends at that point, but the marriage came about when it did out of compassion and duty.  I wonder as I look at their wedding picture, if that is what I see in their faces.

My grandfather turned out to be a prince.  His care for his wife and the family they eventually had themselves was exceptional.   He died at the age of 65, and Grandma died a year later.  Just prior to her death, she commented that the doctor said she had had a heart attack, but she knew the truth.  Her heart had broken a year earlier when she lost Grandpa.

Whatever I think I see in the wedding picture, somehow turned into a life-long love.  I wish that amazing combination of compassion, commitment, and love could be caught in a bottle and sprinkled on all generations of our family yet to come.