Tabula Rasa?

Tabula rasa or "blank slate" is the notion that a child is born without prior knowledge or "programming," and can therefore, be influenced in any direction by environment and experiences after birth.  Those who believe in nurture over nature tend in this direction.


Recently I was at a booth at an organized event and was approached by a woman close to my age.  She seemed to just want to talk and launched into an explanation that in spite of her age, she had an eleven year old son.  She said that she and had her husband had been foster parents and had not been allowed to adopt because of their age.  When the opportunity came along to obtain a child through private adoption, they took it, much to the consternation of the foster agency.  When a representative of the agency asked where the baby had come from, she told them, "It's none of your business."  She went on to tell me that he is a "good boy," because they got him straight out of the hospital as a "blank slate."


I wanted to say, "Oh, my dear, I hope he doesn't break your poor, old heart."  Instead, I said nothing, and since she had turned to leave during her comment, no response was required of me.


Having spent time in a newborn nursery while in nursing school, I was not a believer in "tabula rasa" even before having my own children.  Personalities emerge from Day 1.  I did, however, believe that nurture could make up for a lot of flaws in nature, and now, I'm not so sure.


Each of my children is unique, and I can definitely see the influence of genetic background in each.  When I note certain traits in my biological children, I sometime laugh with the knowledge of which relative they resemble.  My daughter at age 3 picked all of the black jelly beans out of the candy dish, displaying my father's preference.  My son has mannerisms that remind me of my mother's brothers, who were all deceased before he was born, so he could not be mimicking them.  On the other hand, my adopted daughters have traits that leave me scratching my head as to origin.  


After 4 children, 8 grandchildren and almost 40 years of parenting, I have concluded that nature establishes the parameters and nurture allows one to influence within the parameters, but not get outside of them.  The only way to get outside of the boundaries of nature is by an act of God.  And, I do mean that literally.  The person himself or herself would have to make a conscious decision to place his/her life in God's hands and allow God to shape, mold and change.


None of us has to be a prisoner of either nature or nurture.  God has a plan for each of us with the intent of fulfilling who we really are.  He can redeem both the nature we were born with and the nurturing we have experienced.  Not that we will be perfected in this life time....both nature and nurture leave their marks on us.  But neither has to hold us hostage.