Weighing in on Nature vs Nuture

I came of age intellectually during the era when the prevailing wisdom was that nurture trumped nature in determining a child's developmental outcome.

If you believed some of the writings of the 60s and 70s, there were formulas for parenting. All you had to do was A, B and C, and out the other end would pop a morally sound, self-actualized human being whom you had properly parented.

I bought into this to some degree, not only because it was the prevailing theory, but also, because as a person of faith, I believe in the ability of God to heal in every sense of the word. This includes my belief that He can help a person to overcome genetic traits and personality flaws that are less than desirable. We may struggle with these throughout our life-time, but His grace is sufficient.

Before my husband and I ever had children, we discussed the fact that they did not come with a life-time guarantee and a Good-Housekeeping Seal of Approval. We acknowledged our dependence on God to shape and mold our children, and to give us the necessary strength and wisdom to accomplish the task of parenting.

We have four children: two biological, two adopted, three girls, one boy, one adopted as an infant, one not until the age of eleven. They represent a wide range of challenges and strengths.

I now believe that nurture can only influence within the parameters set by nature. Getting outside of those parameters requires Divine intervention for which the person himself/herself must be open.

I further believe in a sort of "no-fault" parenting. If I don't try to take too much credit for positive outcomes, maybe I don't have to take too much blame for negative outcomes.

And...most importantly...I am still a person of faith. I prayed every day for the wisdom to make correct decisions regarding my children, and the strength to carry out those decisions. I know I didn't do everything perfectly, but having exercised faith on a daily basis means that I cannot now beat myself up over results.

My children as they have become adults, must accept responsibility for their own lives. Each of us must answer to God individually. When we stand before Him, we are not going to get away with blaming our parents or our church or our teachers or our friends for what we have done and failed to do.

And so....I still pray for each of my children and my grandchildren to be responsive to God's voice and sensitive to His leading. The grace of God trumps both nurture and nature.