What's wrong with being an enabler?

I am seriously miffed with the psycho-socio disciplines for hijacking a perfectly good word like "enable" and giving it a negative connotation.


If you provide more assistance to someone than a practicing member of one of those disciplines believes is appropriate, you are (gasp!) an "enabler."  The implication is that you are crippling the person you mean to help and causing them never to be able to function on their own.


How does any compassionate person stand back and watch someone fall on his face over and over until it becomes quite clear, he simply can't function without help?  Refraining from assisting is particularly troublesome when there are children who are going to suffer because of a non-functional or marginally functional adult.  When does "tough love" become cold-heartedness?  Is fear of being an "enabler" ever a cover for fear of having someones needs negatively impact my own pleasant life?


I choose to think of enabling as providing the assistance a person needs to survive in this world.  I am not talking about providing a cushy lifestyle to someone who is just lazy.  I am talking about helping with the basic needs of life....food, clothing and shelter...for someone who just can't seem to acquire the basics on his or her own.  I don't see this as optional.  I think offering assistance is an obligation.  If God places a need squarely in front of me, and I have the means to meet that need, I think I am in the wrong to look the other way.


So...
Have I purchased a meal for someone begging on the street?  Yes
Have I purchased and delivered baby formula to someone who was begging on the street?  Yes
Have I loaned money knowing full well that it was actually a gift, rather than a loan?  Yes
Have I at times provided family members with a vehicle or a place to live?  Yes
Has this including paying someones rent for them?  Yes
Purchasing a vehicle for them or giving them my old one?  Yes
Have I purchased a refrigerator for a single dad with two kids and no way to keep milk from spoiling?  Yes
Have I anonymously slipped money to someone in need?  Yes
Have I provided someone with a ride to the grocery store or to the jail to visit a friend or heaven only knows where else?   Yes


Have I every had someone tell me with a grave expression that I might just be an enabler?  Yes


Do I care?   
NO NO NO


But, I hasten to add that I will not lie for someone.  I will not ignore bad conduct.  I will not "enable" someone to keep doing what is wrong by covering up their past misdeeds.  I do attempt to mitigate the negative impact of poor choices on innocent people who are caught in the quagmire caused by someone else's faulty decisions.  I know some people who can create more messes than I can clean up...but I keep trying to provide protection from the fallout for innocent bystanders.

Who Has the Next Line?

Last night I dreamt that I was in a stage play.  In the middle of the performance with about six actors on stage, a long and dreadful silence occurred.  Someone had forgotten his or her line.  I was fairly sure that it wasn’t I, but I was unsure who was responsible for the break in dialogue.

I tried so hard to remember what the next line was, so that I could whisper it.  I wondered why the prompter wasn’t feeding the line to the actor.  I tried to think of something to say that fit in with the scene and would help us get back on track.  I feared that if I said the wrong thing someone would pick up with a line from the next act and the situation would be irretrievable.

I was holding a very old book in my hands.  The book was small and narrow…taller than it was wide.  The cover was thick and stained.  The pages were yellowed and ragged.  I tried to search through the book without being obvious to the audience.  I thought maybe the next line was in the book.

The on-stage silence dragged on and on.  The audience remained quiet.  Eventually the entire scene drifted away without resolution.

When I woke up this morning, I kept thinking about the dream and wondering if it had meaning.

Which actor has forgotten the line?

If he or she waits too long to speak, should I say something? 

What if I say the wrong thing and life goes off in some crazy unintended direction?

Where is the prompter?

Is there an answer in the ancient book?

Who has the next line?

The Odds Are Against Me Dying Quietly in My Bed

I think the odds are against me dying quietly in my bed.


The temperature today is in the 70s and there doesn't seem to be a hint of rain.  I decided it was a good day to wash the windows....or at least as much of the windows as I can reach.  That would be all of the windows on the inside, but only some of the windows on the outside.  Many of the windows roll out in such a way that the outside surfaces can be washed from the inside.  I consider this is a good thing, because I am dependent on my husband to climb a ladder and do the outside. Given his amazing tolerance for dirty windows, that isn't likely to happen as speedily as I would wish.


The project went along well in the guest bedroom, master bedroom, bathroom and dining room.  When I got to the living room, I noted that the windows that could be cranked outward were wider than those in the other rooms.  I stood on the floor inside, reaching and stretching and deciding that I could indeed reach the farthest point on the windows.  I placed my little stool close to the wall and started at the top.


As I reached my maximum stretch, the stool shot backward on the hardwood floor and disappeared from under me.  My body shot forward into the opening which was plenty wide enough for me to fall out.  I saved myself by spreading my arms, scraping my elbows and hand in the process, but at least I didn't fall out. My glasses, however, got knocked off my face and fell out the window into the bushes below.


Without my glasses I am pretty much blind....I can barely make out the big E on the vision chart.  I was so intent on finding my glasses in the bushes that I didn't pay attention to the position of the rolled out window.  After retrieving my glasses, I stood up under the window and cracked my head.  I returned to the house muttering, "Comedy of Errors."


I finished the living room windows and decided to call it a day.  But that still leaves me with windows in the kitchen, family room, and downstairs guest room.  It also leaves me with the outside surfaces I couldn't reach.  I guess I'm not really dependent on my husband to climb the ladder.  I could do that!


I don't really want to die quietly in bed anyway.

The Rhubarb Pie Diet

This morning when I stepped on the scale, I was delighted to see I have recently lost 2 pounds.  


I became overweight between high school and the end of nursing school.  I  lost the extra and a bit more while in college and had no trouble maintaining an ideal weight until I hit my late 50s.  Ever since that fateful day when my doctor said I had to stop hormone replacement therapy, I have struggled with creeping weight gain. I am still not to the point where my BMI indicates I am "overweight," but I am too close for comfort.


About a week ago, I had an abundance of rhubarb, even though I had already made rhubarb bread, rhubarb sauce, rhubarb jam and rhubarb squares, so I broke down and made my favorite...rhubarb custard pie.  I left off the top crust, figuring that would at least cut down on a few calories.  Over the past week, I have eaten the entire pie myself....my husband doesn't really care for it.  I have accomplished this mighty feat by eating a slice every morning for breakfast.


So...when I stepped on the scale and discovered I had lost weight, I immediately thought, "Ha!  I will become a famous and wealthy weight loss guru.  I will write books and blogs and advocate rhubarb pie for breakfast as a weight loss strategy!"


In the shower, with the warm water running over my addled brain, I had two thoughts...
Oh wait...this is not scientifically valid...remember that blog you just wrote about correlation and causation?
But then, I thought, on the other hand, maybe it wasn't the rhubarb pie for breakfast.  Maybe it was the radish sandwiches for lunch!

Correlation does not imply causation

The May 2012 issue of National Geographic contains an article on “The Common Hand.”  It also contains a logical fallacy.

The author writes, “The hand is so remarkable that the great Scottish surgeon Sir Charles Bell wrote an entire book in 1833 praising it…At the time, the notion that life evolved was beginning to circulate, but Bell thought a close look at the human hand would dispel such silly talk……There’s just one problem with Bell’s argument:  It didn’t explain why other species have hands too.”

He goes on to explain that Darwin noted that “the hand of man formed for grasping, that of a mole for digging, the leg of the horse, the paddle of the porpoise, and the wing of the bat” all being constructed in the same pattern would be an odd “coincidence.”  He then assumes in the next paragraph that the hand “evolved.”

I am familiar with this argument.  As a high school tutor, I have seen the textbook pictures of the bat wing, whale flipper, and human hand compared and yes, they do each contain five appendages, whether this is obvious from exterior appearance or not.

But…

Most cars have four wheels and no one argues that they evolved that way.  Designers of automobiles figured out that this worked best in creating a stable vehicle whether intended to be a little red wagon or an Indie car.  True, some vehicles have more or less….but some “hands” have more or less appendages also.

Believing that correlation implies causation seems to be a common problem with evolutionists.  It is every bit as logical to think that whoever designed the hand was bright enough to realize that it was a good design and that it was economical and advantageous to reuse the basic design and adapt it to a variety of settings.

I know that I cannot prove creation or intelligent design from the intricacies of the hand.

I just wish those who believe in evolution wouldn’t assume that they can prove their point based on correlation.

Did Judas Have a Mother?

Well, of course, he must have had a mother.  But who was she?  What was she like?  Did she know what her son became?


Tomorrow is Mothers' Day, and I have pondered these questions multiple times over the years, as I have thought of the day that honors mothers.


I have wondered if perhaps the mother of Judas died when he was young, and he grew up without the guidance she might have given.


Or maybe, she was not a very nice person and actually taught him to be greedy and deceptive.


But...she could have been a person like me, who raised him with great hopes for his future, watched with delight as he learned each new thing and prayed earnestly for wisdom to raise him to honor God and do what is right.


As children grow, I don't think they spend any time concerning themselves with their mother's hopes and dreams for them.  They believe they have a right to live their own lives...and they do.  But when they do so carelessly, arrogantly assuming that their choices could not possible have an impact on their mother, they are badly mistaken.


Perhaps Judas' mother was already dead when he betrayed Christ and killed himself, but if she knew and cared, her grief is unimaginable to me.


So today and tomorrow on Mother's Day, I will pray for mothers who are grieving, because they have seen their children commit violent acts against others and in so doing, against themselves.  I pray comfort for them. I pray that they will somehow have the faith to believe that there is redemption for individuals and for circumstances beyond our control.  I pray that the pain will cause them to become conduits for God's love and blessing.  


Mostly I pray with a feeling in my heart and soul, that cannot find utterance in mere words.

Capitalism vs Socialism

Recently I have been following a discussion on capitalism vs socialism which has occurred on a Facebook page.  Since the discussion appears to be among a group of young adults, I'm not sure that my Senior Citizen viewpoint would be appreciated, but here it is....


Although I personally prefer capitalism, I believe both systems have major problems...and not because they are inherently flawed as systems.  The real problem is in the nature of man.  Both systems could potentially work, but both can also be corrupted and break down because of greed on the part of the people implementing them.


In the case of capitalism, there is opportunity for those on the upper levels of the hierarchy to amass wealth and become forgetful of the need to be compassionate and giving.  In an early blog, I railed against this, when in the same week I saw a video about the gold plated seat belt clips on Donald Trump's plane and encountered a young black girl in a drug store begging for money to buy sanitary napkins.  (See Excess vs Need, 8/24/11) But, within capitalism, there are those who are in positions of power who are not self-serving, and give generously of their resources.  There just aren't enough of them.


In the case of socialism, the opportunity to secretly hoard wealth is still present.  Additionally the possibility exists of many individuals developing a sense of entitlement.  I have certainly seen cases of that in the elements of our society where socialism currently comes into play.  People who claim not to have sufficient skills or ability to work, seem to have the ability to play the system for all it's worth; disabilities are faked; payments from the government are fraudulently obtained.


So the real problem isn't socialism vs capitalism.  The real problem is within the heart of man.  We are all capable of being self-serving.  Some of us are "kept in line" by the belief that we will one day have to account for our behavior before a divine judge.  Other people seem to be able to pull this off without that threat hanging over them.  However, many among us see nothing wrong with looking out for #1.  Neither capitalism nor socialism is going to change that.


I am looking forward to the day when the world will be ruled by a "benevolent dictator."  As a Christian, I believe that Christ will return one day to straighten out all of these messes.  In the meantime, I'm afraid it is going to get worse before it gets better, and neither capitalism nor socialism nor a human dictator can bring about Utopia.