Monday, June 11, 2012

What's wrong with being an enabler?

I am seriously miffed with the psycho-socio disciplines for hijacking a perfectly good word like "enable" and giving it a negative connotation.


If you provide more assistance to someone than a practicing member of one of those disciplines believes is appropriate, you are (gasp!) an "enabler."  The implication is that you are crippling the person you mean to help and causing them never to be able to function on their own.


How does any compassionate person stand back and watch someone fall on his face over and over until it becomes quite clear, he simply can't function without help?  Refraining from assisting is particularly troublesome when there are children who are going to suffer because of a non-functional or marginally functional adult.  When does "tough love" become cold-heartedness?  Is fear of being an "enabler" ever a cover for fear of having someones needs negatively impact my own pleasant life?


I choose to think of enabling as providing the assistance a person needs to survive in this world.  I am not talking about providing a cushy lifestyle to someone who is just lazy.  I am talking about helping with the basic needs of life....food, clothing and shelter...for someone who just can't seem to acquire the basics on his or her own.  I don't see this as optional.  I think offering assistance is an obligation.  If God places a need squarely in front of me, and I have the means to meet that need, I think I am in the wrong to look the other way.


So...
Have I purchased a meal for someone begging on the street?  Yes
Have I purchased and delivered baby formula to someone who was begging on the street?  Yes
Have I loaned money knowing full well that it was actually a gift, rather than a loan?  Yes
Have I at times provided family members with a vehicle or a place to live?  Yes
Has this including paying someones rent for them?  Yes
Purchasing a vehicle for them or giving them my old one?  Yes
Have I purchased a refrigerator for a single dad with two kids and no way to keep milk from spoiling?  Yes
Have I anonymously slipped money to someone in need?  Yes
Have I provided someone with a ride to the grocery store or to the jail to visit a friend or heaven only knows where else?   Yes


Have I every had someone tell me with a grave expression that I might just be an enabler?  Yes


Do I care?   
NO NO NO


But, I hasten to add that I will not lie for someone.  I will not ignore bad conduct.  I will not "enable" someone to keep doing what is wrong by covering up their past misdeeds.  I do attempt to mitigate the negative impact of poor choices on innocent people who are caught in the quagmire caused by someone else's faulty decisions.  I know some people who can create more messes than I can clean up...but I keep trying to provide protection from the fallout for innocent bystanders.

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