Toy-ta-toy-toy

I'm not sure how it got started, but ever since I was a very little girl, my Uncle Roy and I have had our special way of closing a conversation.  Certainly, it would seem odd to anyone else.   We point at each other, making a circular motion with our index fingers and say, "Toy-ta-toy-toy."


Yeah, I know...it doesn't mean anything, and it's ridiculous.  Except that for us, it is infused with rich meaning.  "You'd better behave yourself," or "So long, it was nice to see you," or something else that isn't easily defined, but we both understand.


I am 66 and my uncle is 91, and we still continue this foolishness.  Today I talked to him on the phone.  He is in a nursing home, has cancer, has been told he cannot tolerate any more chemo and is refusing any other interventions.  His voice was weak today.  He could barely hear me, although I was shouting as loudly as I could.


He said that he was tired.  I told him that I didn't want to keep him talking too long, that I just wanted to let him know I was thinking of him.
My uncle:  "I'm thinking of you too, sweetie."
Me:  "I want you to know I love you."
My uncle:  "I love you too, sweetie."
Me:  "Good-bye"
My uncle in barely a whisper:  "Toy-ta-toy-toy."


I burst out laughing.  I couldn't believe he remembered to say it given his condition. In recent years, it has become a bit of a competition to see who remembers to say it at the close of the conversation.  He won, leaving me to add:  "Same to you."
My uncle:  "Thanks, sweetie."


Each time I talk with him now, I wonder if it will be the last time that I hear "Toy-ta-toy-toy."  A silly, silly phrase conveys the warmth of more than six decades of family relationship,  mutual admiration and concern for each other.  


No other words will do.