She hasn't fed herself since the stroke. She will eat a piece of toast or a cookie if you put it in her hand, but has not picked up a utensil and tried to get food to her mouth. Last evening, my husband went to visit her. He found her tray sitting on the bedside table, stone-cold. Her covers were neatly folded at the foot of the bed, as though someone had expected her to sit up on the side by herself and eat. She was cold from being uncovered. He covered her and had her food reheated. Then he fed her himself. He later found the supervisor and told her that DNR doesn't mean starve to death. My husband is one of the most even tempered people on the planet. He was clearly not happy.
When he mentioned to me that her catheter had been removed, I immediately thought, "Oh, boy....I wonder what the plan is to get her to the bathroom....she can't walk that far!" When I arrived this morning, she was wet. Two aides were about to try to walk her to the bathroom. She was protesting that she couldn't walk that far without her walker. The truth is that currently she can't walk that far WITH her walker.
So, I met with the nurse manager. We discussed that she needed to be fed, that a plan had to be in place for regular toileting, that she is lactose intolerant and there was regular milk on her tray this morning, that she is too confused to reliably use the call button, that during the course of the hospitalization she has been over-medicated for pain to the point of being totally incoherent, etc. etc. Fortunately, for both of us, the nurse manager was pleasant, receptive and knowledgeable. Now we will see if that is translated into appropriate action by the staff.
After the meeting, I went to my in-laws home and got some of her clothes, sneakers to use at therapy, her walker, a seat cushion, an album of family pictures and miscellaneous other items. I took them to the nursing home. She was in therapy, and I found her there. She told the therapist it was October of 1920-something, but she knew me and called me by name. Some of what she told the therapist was reliable and some was not. She knew she had had personal care aides at home, but thought she had to go and pick them up herself. She hasn't driven in several years.
These activities shot the entire morning. I don't begrudge her the time, but it's tough when multiple generations need you. This afternoon, I took one of my grandsons shopping for baseball pants and batting gloves. If I didn't have all of this going on with my mother-in-law, I would have brought him back to my house for supper. Instead, he and I enjoyed ice-cream at Friendly's, and I delivered him to his other grandma's house.
Life is coming at me from all directions at the moment.
I am relying on my favorite passage of scripture.....Isaiah 58:9-11
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in darkness and your night will become like noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
