When I was in nursing school back in the dark ages, we were instructed never to use such terminology with patients. It was viewed as inappropriately familiar, and therefore, lacking in respect.
Having people address me this way seems to be happening with increasing frequency, and I am struggling with how to respond, or whether I should respond at all. I suppose the gracious thing to do is to let it roll off. But, depending on the tone or context in which it is said, it can be downright condescending.
I suppose this is pride on my part just bubbling to the surface, but I find myself wondering....
Do I really look like a honey or sweetie or dear? Most people actually find me a bit intimidating. Do I secretly like being intimidating, and is that why it makes me mad when a stranger calls me by a familiar term?
Am I starting to look like a doddering old lady? Are they thinking, "Oh, the poor, sweet, old dear."
Is it just a generational thing? When I was young I was taught not to address my elders that way, so is it that I just can't accept such unwarranted familiarity now being in vogue?
Earlier this week, I was in a J. C. Penney store at the mall. I found what I wanted to purchase and began the search for an open checkout station. It was clearly past opening time on the store clock, but the checkouts at both the back and side entrances were unattended, and no clerk was in sight. I wandering into the center of the store where a clerk was at the jewelry counter. I asked if there was a checkout open somewhere. I was, of course, hoping she would offer to check my purchase out right there. But her response was, "Why the front check-out is open, honey."
I muttered, "I'm not your honey."
She said, "Pardon me?"
I repeated with a sigh, "I'm not your honey."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
I know I made her feel bad, and so I felt guilty. It was the tone that got me. Of course, I probably would have found the front check-out open eventually by myself, but I had entered at the back of the store, the store was supposedly open, she didn't offer to check out the item herself, and then she called me HONEY!"
A couple of years ago, I went into a flooring store to order some laminate. We were remodeling the kitchen at the time. The salesman was young enough to be my son and maybe even my grandson. The entire conversation was sprinkled with "sweetie." Finally I couldn't take it anymore, and I said, "I am NOT your sweetie."
He looked shocked. I suppose it is such a habit, that he doesn't even know he does it.
Recently my computer needed repair. The owner of the shop, who I would guess to be close to my age, kept calling me 'dear.' I didn't say anything to him, but I thought, "If I was his wife it would bother me that he calls other women 'dear.' It would cheapen the term."
I later learned, he is divorced. Hmmmmmm.
I wonder if our society is so lacking in genuine intimacy, that people attempt to make up for it by using terms of endearment on a routine basis. Personally, I am reserving 'honey,' 'sweetie' and 'dear' for my children and grandchildren. My husband is 'my love' and absolutely no one else gets that!
