Ebenezer

Why do we put a headstone on a grave?

We want our loved one memorialized.

Here lies my beloved.

The permanency of stone means we can’t forget.

No one who sees it can forget.

 

And to raise an Ebenezer? What is the meaning?

Unlike the headstone, it is not a stone of loss,

But, a “stone of help.”

A permanent reminder of God’s grace,

Of His help in time of distress.

 

 I have placed a literal stone for my beloved.

May it be a symbol of a “stone of help.”

An Ebenezer.

A permanent reminder of God’s grace,

As I cry out for help in my time of need.

Tears of Gratitude

Since Bill’s passing almost 3 months ago, I have shed many tears in grief and a few in loneliness, but also some in gratitude.  I recognize ways in which God has provided for my needs for comfort and support.  I have been grateful for the reminders of Bill’s great kindness as I have read notes on sympathy cards describing ways in which he touched the lives of other people.  This morning, I shed some tears of gratitude as I thought about the ways in which God is using Bill’s death as friends and family try to honor both Bill and God Himself through their actions in Bill’s memory.

I am sure I don’t know about everything that has been done, but here are some things I do know.  Delta Lake Bible Conference Center has received at least one donation in Bill’s memory.  Three individuals have made donations to the Gideons for Bibles to be placed in Bill’s memory.  There have been about 10 donations to the Northern New York Community Foundation to honor Bill.  Chapin Living Waters has so far received about 40 donations totaling over $11,000 for Bucket Kits.  These kits allow subsistence farmers in developing nations to grow crops even during dry seasons, so that they can feed their families, and sometimes have enough to sell.  There are places where these kits make the difference between eating and not eating.  The funds donated are going to be used in cooperation with Healing Hands for a project in Africa…most likely in Zimbabwe, although details are still being worked out.

Additionally, 45 kits were recently hand delivered to Tanzania as the Lord used several people to accomplish this.  Chapin Living Waters received an email from a man in Tanzania inquiring about the kits.  A man who had become aware of the need while on a safari in Tanzania was willing to pay for the kits.  A runner friend of Bill’s who had driven several hours to attend Bill’s Memorial Service mentioned to the CLW office manager that he was going to Tanzania.  She asked if he would be willing to take kits.  Since CLW is in northern New York and the man is from the Finger Lakes region, a volunteer drove to Syracuse, NY, to meet him with the 45 kits.  He packed these into 3 suitcases and took them to Tanzania, where he delivered them to the man who had made the inquiry.  As I thought about this and the ways in which God orchestrates our lives, I shed some tears of gratitude.

I did not want to lose Bill, but I have a strong sense of God’s hand in our parting, I know he arranged our meeting 56 years ago.  I have to believe he also arranged our parting, and that it is being used for God’s glory and to accomplish His purposes.

Psalm 56:8…You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.

A Prayer and a Promise

I was still a child when I began to pray for Bill…before I knew him.  Soon after inviting Jesus into my heart and life, I thought about the fact that if I were ever to marry, there was somewhere in the world a young boy who would one day be terribly important to me, and that he was facing the struggles of growing up as I was.  I prayed that God would protect him and help him to grow into the man God wanted him to be.  I prayed that we would meet in the right time and way.

As I grew up pretty much dateless, but being a careful observer of my friends’ relationships, I came up with three criteria, which I believed were God’s directives for me.  The man I married had to be a committed Christian, he had to be at least as intelligent as I was, and he had to have a strong enough personality to handle my strong personality.  These characteristics were in no way a demand on my part.  I believed them to be God’s leading.

At the age of 21 when I could count my actual dates on one hand, I came to grips with the idea that I might never marry.  It was possible the person for whom I had been praying might not exist.  There certainly were men in the world with those characteristics, but maybe no one was in God’s plan for me.  I promised God that I would not “settle” for something less than his plan for me, and that if that plan was for me to be single, I would be the happiest single lady on the planet.  I would not be sad or bitter.  I would be joyful in the life He planned out for me.

I met Bill about 3 months later.  I don’t know at what point I stopped praying for the nameless boy, and began instead to pray specifically for Bill, but that did happen.  When I realized it, I knew it was significant.  Here too was someone who met the criteria and brought a whole lot of bonuses to the relationship…wonderful things for which I had not thought to ask.

Now he is gone, and I don’t have to pray for him, because he is with Jesus.  But, what of my promise to be happy “single?”  It occurred to me this morning, that it is time to make good on that promise. I am sure I will continue to have times of great sadness, but I refuse to be bitter or angry at God.  I will have a positive attitude about my life.  I will find meaningful activities.  I will be joyful in my relationship with God.

Fifty-six years later, I have a chance to keep my promise, and I will.