Why Bother Being a Mother?

Why bother being a mother?

Before I became a mother, I put myself through some mental, emotional, and spiritual gymnastics asking myself this question.  I observed that most people seemed to enter into parenthood either accidentally, or because they thought it was the norm.  If I asked people why they had children, they would say something like “children bring so much joy into your life.”

I was then left to wonder what happens if a child does not bring joy?  I certainly knew this was a possibility.  Having spent three months of nursing school in a pediatric hospital in Chicago, I saw some very difficult situations.  I dealt with some very difficult situations myself.  When caring for an extremely ill child or a child who seemed to have an innately difficult disposition, I would find myself counting the hours to the end of my shift when this nightmare would no longer be my responsibility.  Then I would think, “What if this was my child?  What if this problem was mine to deal with 24/7?”

So, prior to deciding to actually become a mother, I discussed this knotty problem with my husband and friends and did a lot of thinking and praying.  I even considered writing a book on the topic.  In the end, I concluded that the only reason for me personally to embark on this journey was because I believed it was God’s purpose for my life.  I knew that children did not come with a lifetime guarantee or a Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.  I asked God to pick my children and to then give me the strength and wisdom to be a good mother.

Having come to that conclusion, I could, therefore, accept the idea that my children might be any gender, any level of intelligence, any color (if adopted) and any state of health.  I had been troubled when I heard someone ask a pregnant woman if they were hoping for a boy or girl, and heard the response, “I don’t care as long as the child is healthy.”  I would think, “and what if it isn’t?”

I have been given four unique children.  Each one has interesting strengths and weaknesses.  Each personality is quite different.  One was adopted at 3 weeks and another at 11 years.  One was born when I was under 30 and another when I was over 40.  I have loved them all equally, but I have not interacted with all in the same way.  I have tried to consider the unique needs of each child.  The challenges were varied.  The outcomes are varied.

All I have ever cared about is that they would each discover that a relationship with God is the only real source of joy and peace in life.  Sometimes I have grieved, and sometimes I have rejoiced.  Always I have prayed and still do.