Recently one of my readers asked me to write about the Al and Tipper Gore split. How does it happen that a supposedly successful marriage comes unglued after 40 years? Well, the answer apparently is "pretty easily." I have been stunned by some long term marriages among friends that have dissolved after decades.
It happens when a couple drifts apart and no longer have anything in common. One or the other stops learning new things and has nothing to bring to the relationship. Or perhaps, their interests become very different, and they stop caring about the interests of the other.
It happens when one member of the couple decides that someone other than their spouse is a little more appealing. Sharing concerns with that person and being met with compassion turns to a bit of flirting, which turns to increasing intimacy, which turns to a broken marriage. At what point was the line crossed...the flashing warning light ignored?
Today I celebrate 42 years of marriage. But those 42 years are made up of 42 times 365 days. Not counting extra days for leap years, that is 15,330 days! 15,330 times, although not always consciously, I have decided that I love my husband, and that he is worth the commitment. Thousands of times, I have chosen not to share a problem or a joy with someone other than my husband. I am not saying that I have not had friends of opposite gender with whom I have joked around and shared things. But, I have never risked an inappropriate level of intimacy that might put that person ahead of my husband as my primary source of emotional, social, spiritual and sexual interaction.
A lasting marriage is made up of daily choices and hard work. It means never thinking you are safe from temptation or "that could never happen to me!" It means that both members of the partnership are making these daily choices and guarding the relationship.
Given all of the temptations and variables, a lasting marriage is also a gift of God's grace. It is a miracle, and I do mean miracle, that any marriage lasts for decades, given the fact that two imperfect people are responsible for daily choices.
I accepted Christ as my personal Savior when I was 7 years old. Shortly after this, it occurred to me that if I were to ever marry, somewhere in the world was a little boy who faced all the challenges of growing up that I was facing. Since he would one day be the most important person in the world to me, I started to pray for him. I prayed that God would keep him safe and help him to grow into the person God had planned for him to be. I prayed that we would meet in God's time and way.
During high school, nursing school and my first year of college, I was not only boy-friendless, but also, for the most part, dateless. I had many discussions with God about this, and finally decided that if there was no such little boy for whom I had prayed, I would be OK. I determined that I would be the happiest single there had ever been. Within a few months of that decision, I met Bill. Two years later, June 22, 1968, I made a lifetime commitment to him, and day after day with God's help, I keep remaking that commitment.
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