Don't ask me why...

My husband collects Reader's Digest Condensed Books.  Please, don't ask me why.


Several years ago, he looked at the numerous copies on our shelves and decided that he would like to collect a copy of every one that had ever been published.  To that end, he began visiting rummage sales and used book stores.  The fact that these books were give-aways at rummage sales should have been a hint to him, but he persisted.


When it became clear to me that he was actually serious, I inquired as to how many linear feet would be required to keep one of every copy on a shelf.  I then hired a carpenter to come in and build the necessary shelving.  Shortly thereafter, I discovered to my exasperation that there were stacks on the floor.
"What is this?"
"Oh, I discovered that there were some special volumes that I didn't know about."
Sigh...and here I thought I had made provision.


Later still I discovered a stack of boxes almost as tall as I am just inside the door of his den.  I could barely open the door.  When he came home, I asked what was in the boxes.  His answer?  "My second set."


Second set!!!  What on earth could he be planning to do with them?  No one is ever going to be interested in the first set!  The library won't even take them for it's book sale.  No one buys them at rummage sales...at least not now that he isn't out there trolling for them.  Reader's Digest Condensed books are sort of like zucchinis at the end of the summer.  The only way to get rid of them is to stick them in a friend's car and run the other way before he sees you.


The crowded condition of his den caused him to move into my den to work on the taxes.  His laptop ended up on my sewing table and the papers were spread out the length of my ironing board.  I gritted my teeth and bit my tongue, because I did want him to do the taxes.


Recently I tried to clean up in the attic.  Oh, no!  More boxes...lots of boxes in the attic.  This is apparently a third set.  I have become convinced that they mate and reproduce up there in the dark.


Last weekend we had a rummage sale.  In preparation, he spread out hundreds of books and organized them by date placing them in labeled boxes.  We did a brisk business at the sale, but not one single volume disappeared.  We even left them out in front of the house overnight, and disappointingly, not one was stolen.


We have an old coal burning furnace in the basement.  When the power goes out, we can heat the entire house with a wood fire in that old furnace.  If we ever run out of wood, I take comfort that we have an abundance of fuel....all sorted by date.


Fortunately, my husband has many redeeming qualities.  If anyone wants to buy the books or take them off our hands at no charge, he is NOT included in the deal.