A Vow of Faithfulness

So now we learn that a certain governor who was thought to be hiking, when he was, in fact, in South America with his mistress, did not want "being faithful" included in his wedding vows.

What?! What?!

It was easy for me to first react with, "You've got to be kidding. Why didn't she call off the wedding? What possible reason could he have had other than that he had every intention of being unfaithful?"

But, then I wondered, "At what point did she know this?"

If it was two months before and the invitations had not been sent out, that would be one thing. However, if she found out the night before at the rehearsal, that would be quite another thing. The pressure to forge ahead would be enormous. It is simple for me to think I would have walked away, but in honesty, I don't know what I would have done, if I had found out at the last minute that faithfulness wasn't part of the bargain.

My husband had dated a lot prior to our relationship. At a point where things seemed to be getting serious, but marriage had not yet been discussed, I brought up the topic of faithfulness in marriage. I told him that I had observed that he was fond of women and had a history of enjoying the company of multiple women. I asked him if he thought he would ever be able to settle down with one woman.

He replied in a way I found most interesting. "If I were to marry you, that would be my promise to you that there would never be anyone else. Not because I might not find someone else attractive, but because I would be making a promise, and I wouldn't let anything happen to cause me to break it."

Wow...he didn't say something syrupy like, "You are so wonderful, I would never look at anyone else." That would have been a lie.

He told the truth. "I might find someone else attractive, but I would not break my promise."

I decided there was real security in that response.

I should add that although my husband had dated extensively, neither he nor I believed in or engaged in sex prior to marriage. We both believed that being faithful to our values prior to marriage was an important component of being faithful within marriage.

Women need to ask themselves, "If he would 'cheat' with me before marriage, will he 'cheat' with someone else after marriage?" I recognize that in our culture today, such a notion probably seems totally unrealistic and even hysterically funny to some.

On the other hand, I find it amusing when a second or third wife who had an affair with a man during his marriage to a prior spouse is shocked and upset when he has an affair during their marriage. Why would she be surprised?

Faithfulness was in our vows.

Faithfulness was in our hearts.

Forty two years of experience says it's worth it.