Thoughts on Flirtation

 

Ah…so why is an old lady living at a retirement center thinking about flirtation?  It seems men never stop being vulnerable to it, and women never stop doing it or worrying that someone else is doing it to their husbands.

A friend here, who is a widow, commented that she sometimes gets the feeling that other women are uncomfortable when she talks to their husbands.  This came up because she and I had become friendly before she met my husband.  After meeting him, she told me she had no idea I was married to such a handsome man.  She wondered if I was unhappy with her talking to him.  I laughed.  I am not worried in the least.  Women of all ages from toddler to senior have always seemed to find my husband charming.  I think it is his twinkly blue eyes and boyish grin that work the magic.  However, he has never given me reason to be worried.

When my uncle, who was an attractive older man who had never married, moved into a retirement community, he found the single women to be “predators.”  Most men would find a bit of flirtation and perhaps even aggression to be flattering.  Not so for my uncle.  I suspect there are a variety of responses to flirtation from older men.  Young men seem to universally fall for it.

As a young woman, I could not understand this at all.  Especially when I watched someone who I knew to be highly intelligent succumb.  I always felt flirtation was dishonest and manipulative.  Why would you do that to someone, if you genuinely liked and respected him?  I also seemed to be incapable of it.

My senior year in high school, I had a major role in the senior play.  The main character in the play was a man, but there were three important female roles.  One was more or less a victim of bullying, one was a bitchy woman, and one was a nice teenage girl.  I was the nice one.  I did, however, have a boyfriend, and one of my lines in the script was to tell my boyfriend that I had no plans for the evening, but “I’m open to suggestion.”  The director of the play wanted this to be said in a flirtatious way.  Every time I delivered the line in rehearsals everything came to a grinding halt as he shouted, “No, no, no!”  On one occasion he added, “If I had the wherewithal to say the line appropriately, I would, but I don’t.”

I thought, “okay…if a male can’t say the line, I will have to learn how to do it from a girl.”  So, at my next gym class I went around and asked every girl to say the line for me.  I did not find this particularly helpful.  At the next rehearsal, I did my best, and he still yelled, “No, no, no!”

Sadly, one of the girls from the gym class happened to be hanging around at the rehearsal.  She did have a habit of saying things better left unsaid.  She piped up, “Don’t yell at her!  She asked every girl in the gym class to say it for her.”

Oh…the laughter that ensued!  I was embarrassed as the director laughed uproariously.  I suppose there were snickers from some of my male peers, but I don’t remember.  I was probably trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

I was always too open and direct to be flirtatious.  This resulted in lots of delightful platonic relationships which I would not have missed for the world.  At some point in our developing relationship, my boyfriend who became my husband told me it was OK if I flirted with him.  I’m not sure if he enjoys my attempts as flirtation or as humor.

I do think I’ve figured out the line from the play.  One must say…

"But I’m…(pause and sly smile)….open to suggestion (lift one eyebrow).”

Unresolvable Controversy

I should not allow myself to get drawn into controversies on Facebook which cannot be resolved, because each side is so convinced that they are right, that any argument is futile.  But, I did.  And…it wasn’t even about politics.

You know those math problems that are posted which cause arguments?  One camp thinks the answer is 7 and another group is convinced the answer is 1.  An older school group believes all equations are worked left to right, but the more recently educated believe one must use “Order of Operations” or PEDMAS (parentheses-exponents-division-multiplication-addition-subtraction).  When they come up with different answers, each side accuses the other of not knowing what they are doing.

I think this is all meaningless, because no one worth his salt would, in a practical situation, allow an equation to be written that caused confusion or controversy.

If you were an engineer creating an equation that would help to determine the strength of the material used in building a bridge would you risk someone misinterpreting the equation?

If you were a medical researcher creating an equation to determine the correct dose of a chemotherapy drug would you leave an equation in a form that required PEDMAS to accurately interpret?

If you were creating an equation to calculate the firing of retrorockets to ensure the safe return of astronauts from space would you write an ambiguously structured formula?

NO!  NO! and NO!

As far as I am concerned, this means that PEDMAS is a “parlor game” or internet game and otherwise is only usable by math teachers for test questions.

I tried to say that and created a firestorm of responses.  It apparently drives math teachers crazy to think they are teaching something as the Holy Grail which has no meaningful purpose in real life.  I actually found an article by a Berkeley math professor that said essentially what I was saying.  I posted a link to the article and someone argued that the article agreed with her position, not mine. (I think there may be a reading comprehension issue there!)

Now…I LOVE math.  I thoroughly enjoy it as though it were a game.  I know to most people this is bizarre, but solving a complicated math problem actually gives me a pleasurable sensation inside my head. 

But…I do understand the difference between math as a game and math as a tool.  Just as reading is essential to learning in most fields, math is essential in many, many fields.  In the practical setting, it cannot be viewed as a game or puzzle, it has to be viewed as a precise tool.  There cannot be ambiguity when someone’s life may depend on the calculation.  An equation used for a practical purpose must be clear…even broken down into multiple steps if that is what is required to avoid confusion.

I did some searching and found a formula for calculating the dose of a chemotherapy drug.  It was written with parenthesis which made clear which portion of the equation needed to be dealt with first.  There was no division sign…division was indicated by placing one portion of the equation over the other essentially creating a fraction.  The dose for a female was to be 85% of the male dose, but this was shown as an extra step.  No confusion…no reliance on PEDMAS.

When the math matters, one cannot play games.

If you like games, there are plenty of them on the internet and lots of opportunity to argue which answer is correct.

I will be scrolling past these on FB, because there is obviously no point in trying to explain that it is all a game to make some feel more educated than others.  People apparently want to keep taking shots at those who don't agree with them, and will even use math as an excuse to do so.

Now as to how this happens with political opinions....no, no, Ruth....don't go there!

The Relevance of Jude

Reading the book of Jude, I can’t help but be struck with how relevant it is for today, although written 2000 years ago.  Throughout the centuries, there has certainly been apostasy in the church, but some of what goes on within the church today is mind-boggling.

Jude urges the believers to “contend for the faith (NIV) or “put up a real fight for the faith” (Phillips).  In today’s society, where we are constantly told to be tolerant and inclusive, it can be difficult to take a firm stand.  We don’t want to be viewed as uncharitable in our beliefs and actions.  However, there are lines which should not be crossed.

Jude gives three examples of individuals who fell into error:

*Cain-who relied on the works of his own hands rather than in the atoning sacrifice.  (Genesis 4)

*Balaam-who was looking for material gain and was unwilling to accept that God was clearly closing the door to something he wanted to do. (Numbers 22-24)

*Korah-who was full of pride and rebelled against God-appointed authority.  (Numbers 16)

All of these errors occur in churches today.  Some think that good works will save them.  Some believe their judgment is better than God’s direction and try to batter down closed doors.  Some are puffed up with pride and won’t accept direction from those God has clearly appointed.

Characteristics of such people listed by Jude include:  murmuring, complaining, lust, using extravagant or exaggerated speech, showing partiality, flattering and being divisive.

What is our response to be?

*Don’t allow those who are operating on their natural instincts, rather than being led by God’s spirit, to divide you. (v. 19)

*Build yourselves up through Bible study and prayer. (v. 20)

*Keep yourself in God’s love. (v. 21)

*Be merciful, but with discretion. (v.22-23)  In the process of being merciful, don’t allow yourself to get sucked in!  You may feel sorry for someone and understand how they could fall into sin, but you cannot condone it.

As Jude concludes, it is God who is able to keep us from falling.  We cannot do this in our own strength!  None of us has it within ourselves to stand against the evil schemes of the enemy of our souls.  As Jude points out in verse 9, even the archangel Michael did not attempt to rebuke the devil by his own power, but in the name of the Lord.

The book of Jude is just one chapter of 26 verses.  Read it for yourself and ask how you can “contend for the faith.”

What is the Speed of Time?

The first 20 years of life crept along.  Before my memory, I am told my ambition was to be as tall as the handle on the refrigerator door.  Ever so slowly, I grew and attained that height. 

I do remember that I thought the day would never come when I could read well enough to read the Sunday comics to myself and not rely on my somewhat crazy uncles on Sunday afternoons at Grandma’s house.  One could never be sure they weren’t editing as they read.

I wanted time to stop so that I didn’t have to walk across the stage in front of all those people to graduate from sixth grade.  I could feel it coming ever so slowly but surely.  It turns out, that I could live through that intimidation.

The pain of mid-teens seemed never-ending.  I believed that to be the Dark Ages of my life.  Who am I?  What am I supposed to be doing with my life that stretches out in front of me?  How will I find purpose and meaning?  But eventually, I emerged with hope for the time ahead, because of my faith in a loving God.

I don’t know if the six years I spent getting my education after high school crept or sped.  In retrospect, they are the blink of an eye, but at the time, they were packed full of life-defining experiences.  I remember times when I counted down the hours left in my shift caring for some extremely ill and difficult patient.  I knew that if I could reach the end of my eight hours, the impossible situation was someone else’s responsibility.  Agony and ecstasy shaped me and formed life-long bonds with friends as we suffered or rejoiced together.

I walked down the aisle with my Dad and back up it with my husband over 50 years ago.  On that day, the notion of 50 years together was exciting but not really possible to comprehend.  We were pledging to grow old together, but so much life was ahead before we reached old age.

Ha!  Fifty years!  Is that a long time or is that the blink of an eye?  Looking back, I can barely wrap my head around all the things we have experienced together….wonderful times, horrible times, mundane times. 

Today is the last day of 2019.  I am 74.  Do I have 20 more years?  If so, will they edge forward at a snail’s pace or shoot past like an accelerating locomotive?  Twenty years seems like a long, long time when one is a child.  Now, twenty years seems like nothing…a wisp of smoke.  Here I am asking some of the same questions as in my mid-teens.  Who am I now? What am I supposed to be doing?  This time, however, it doesn’t feel like the Dark Ages of my life.  I have lived through all those strange and sometimes frightening eras.  I have learned that God has been faithful, and I believe that will continue…whether I have 20 years left or 20 months or 20 days or 20 minutes.  I know sometimes life will pass slowly and sometimes rapidly, but I know it only goes in one direction for mortal man.  I am OK with that!

Welcome, 2020.

The Ever-Rolling Stream

The hymn Our God, Our Help by Isaac Watts includes the words “Time like an ever-rolling stream, bears all its sons away.”  When one lives in a retirement community with 2500 residents, the ever-rolling stream becomes very obvious.  It is a rare day when we don’t see both an ambulance and a moving van.

Ambulances arrive lights flashing, as people fall or have medical events.  A man in front of us at the Christmas Eve service became ill and was helped out and into a waiting ambulance.  In the past ten days, a resident of our building had a fall resulting in broken bones and a brief hospitalization for surgery. 

As the inevitable deterioration occurs, residents move to an increased level of care…assisted living or skilled nursing.  Their independent living apartment becomes empty.  Walking to the pool each day, I always see some apartment being renovated for the next occupant.  Soon a moving van arrives and another person or couple jumps into the same stream we are traveling.  The pictures of new residents in our building are posted in our elevator with an encouragement to welcome them.

None of us knows how long we will be floating in the stream before we plunge over a waterfall.  Change can happen abruptly.  This morning, as my husband got out of bed, he had a cramp in his leg and tumbled to the floor.  He wasn’t hurt, but the sound of the splat awakened me with a momentary panic that he might be.  I have the recurring thought that everything can change in an instant.

For others, change creeps up gradually as their memory of past events disappears.  I watch with admiration and gratitude as I see a spouse compensating for their partner’s decline, filling in the blanks for the one they love.  The stream flows on and hits inescapable whirlpools of memories lost or swirling in never-ending loops.

I suppose this could be a depressing place, but for most here that does not seem to be the case.  The healthy engage in activities of every type.  Sometimes they join an activity that has been of life-long interest, but it isn’t unusual to see folks take up something new with enthusiasm.  Those relegated to the sidelines cheer participants on. 

Because many here believe that this world is only our temporary home, they look forward to the end of life with joyful anticipation.  I don’t know how old Isaac Watts was when he penned the words, but the last stanza of his poem looks forward.

O God, our Help in ages past, our Hope for years to come,

Be Thou our Guide while life shall last, and our eternal home.

At the end of the stream is an eternal home.  There may be cataracts, whirlpools and rapids between us and that home, but as we trust Christ as Savior, we are filled with hope for what awaits.

Don't Celebrate in Ignorance

Christmas comes, and we fill the world with lights.  They sparkle and twinkle on trees, but also on bushes and fences and the eaves of homes everywhere.  People gather outside of hospitals with lights to let the children inside know they are not forgotten.

Joyful music rings.   Some radio stations play Christmas music non-stop.  The songs may be ridiculous like Grandma getting run over by reindeer, but interspersed is that which is uplifting.  Flash mobs delight mall shoppers with soaring harmony, and carolers bring joy to shut-ins even if the singing is off key.

The kitchen is filled with delightful aromas.  Cookies in all shapes and flavors fill special plates.  Meats are roasted.  Popcorn is strung.  Fudge melts in the mouth.  Many families celebrate with unique foods fixed only at this time of year.

We give gifts.  Children are up at 4 AM because anticipation is so great, that they just can’t sleep.  Young lovers exchange presents with special significance to them.  Old lovers may have stopped giving gifts, because as the years pass, nothing is as meaningful as having each other.

Nearly everyone participates in the Christmas festivities, but many do so in ignorance.  The lights, the music, the food and the gifts…we would have none of these with Christ.  They are but symbols of the reality that not everyone can see.  Without His coming, all the trappings of Christmas are hollow.

Christmas is celebrated because…

            Christ is the light of the world.

            His birth was announced with angelic song.

            He is the bread of life.

            He is the greatest of gifts!

Don’t celebrate in ignorance.

Unholy Night

Chaotic night, unholy night,

Darkness snuffs out every light,

Painful cries from mother and child,

Evil rules rampant and wild,

We long for conflict to cease,

In agony, we cry for peace.

Chaotic night, unholy night,

All earth quakes at the sight,

Profanity streams around us each day,

Each man follows his own sinful way,

The fabric of life has been torn.

Man perishes naked, forlorn.

Chaotic night, unholy night,

Banished by His radiant light,

By His death redeeming man,

God reveals His merciful plan.

Salvation comes to earth,

Through the Christ child’s birth.

Silent night, Holy night,

Humble child, display your might,

You can make the crooked straight,

With great longing we await,

From our heart’s depths we sing,

Come take your place as our King,