Thoughts on Flirtation

 

Ah…so why is an old lady living at a retirement center thinking about flirtation?  It seems men never stop being vulnerable to it, and women never stop doing it or worrying that someone else is doing it to their husbands.

A friend here, who is a widow, commented that she sometimes gets the feeling that other women are uncomfortable when she talks to their husbands.  This came up because she and I had become friendly before she met my husband.  After meeting him, she told me she had no idea I was married to such a handsome man.  She wondered if I was unhappy with her talking to him.  I laughed.  I am not worried in the least.  Women of all ages from toddler to senior have always seemed to find my husband charming.  I think it is his twinkly blue eyes and boyish grin that work the magic.  However, he has never given me reason to be worried.

When my uncle, who was an attractive older man who had never married, moved into a retirement community, he found the single women to be “predators.”  Most men would find a bit of flirtation and perhaps even aggression to be flattering.  Not so for my uncle.  I suspect there are a variety of responses to flirtation from older men.  Young men seem to universally fall for it.

As a young woman, I could not understand this at all.  Especially when I watched someone who I knew to be highly intelligent succumb.  I always felt flirtation was dishonest and manipulative.  Why would you do that to someone, if you genuinely liked and respected him?  I also seemed to be incapable of it.

My senior year in high school, I had a major role in the senior play.  The main character in the play was a man, but there were three important female roles.  One was more or less a victim of bullying, one was a bitchy woman, and one was a nice teenage girl.  I was the nice one.  I did, however, have a boyfriend, and one of my lines in the script was to tell my boyfriend that I had no plans for the evening, but “I’m open to suggestion.”  The director of the play wanted this to be said in a flirtatious way.  Every time I delivered the line in rehearsals everything came to a grinding halt as he shouted, “No, no, no!”  On one occasion he added, “If I had the wherewithal to say the line appropriately, I would, but I don’t.”

I thought, “okay…if a male can’t say the line, I will have to learn how to do it from a girl.”  So, at my next gym class I went around and asked every girl to say the line for me.  I did not find this particularly helpful.  At the next rehearsal, I did my best, and he still yelled, “No, no, no!”

Sadly, one of the girls from the gym class happened to be hanging around at the rehearsal.  She did have a habit of saying things better left unsaid.  She piped up, “Don’t yell at her!  She asked every girl in the gym class to say it for her.”

Oh…the laughter that ensued!  I was embarrassed as the director laughed uproariously.  I suppose there were snickers from some of my male peers, but I don’t remember.  I was probably trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

I was always too open and direct to be flirtatious.  This resulted in lots of delightful platonic relationships which I would not have missed for the world.  At some point in our developing relationship, my boyfriend who became my husband told me it was OK if I flirted with him.  I’m not sure if he enjoys my attempts as flirtation or as humor.

I do think I’ve figured out the line from the play.  One must say…

"But I’m…(pause and sly smile)….open to suggestion (lift one eyebrow).”