We had nothing in common but our ages, and the fact that
circumstances put us in the same place at the same time.
I was a student nurse at a hospital in the Chicago area. I
was about 19 at the time. I was an
excellent student, smart and serious about my studies. I had many friends, some of whom were male,
but no boyfriends. I may have had one
date in my life at that point. That
would have been with the guy with whom I remained good friends, but who had
declared that I was too much for him to handle.
I had a very quick mind and an assertive personality, although I was
lacking in self-confidence in some areas. I was a bit overweight and did not
consider myself attractive.
One of my patients that morning was extremely
attractive. He was a year or two younger
than me with a well-muscled physique.
His facial features were chiseled and nicely symmetric. Blond hair and blue eyes completed the
picture. But, his lovely athletic body
had betrayed him. A brain tumor caused
him to be immobile. He did not
speak. His beautiful blue eyes were not
vacant. He was still in there, but there
was an expression in his eyes of confusion, fear and anxiety, as though he
wanted to cry out, “Help me! Please help
me.” But, he remained mute.
The third member of the party was an orderly. I needed his help to hold the patient on his
side so that I could wash and rub his back and change the sheets. The orderly was also about my age….maybe a
year or two older. He had dark hair,
nondescript features, some flaws in his complexion, and he was a bit
pudgy. I was fairly certain that he did
not have a lively mind.
We were in the corner of a ward with multiple patients,
which was at the intersection of the two hallways on the unit. The nurses’ station was right at that
intersection, so it was a hub of activity.
If the patient had been on his left side, with the door open and curtain
pulled back, he would have seen people going by constantly. Since we were giving care, the curtain around
his bed was pulled shut, and the three of us were in this small private space.
And there in that private space with the intimacy of both
the orderly’s hands and my hands on the young man’s helpless body, the orderly
asked me for a date…..right over the patient…as though he was an object and had
no feelings.
Doing so was way beyond unprofessional. I wanted to scream at him that he was an
insensitive jerk. How dare he?! Between us was a young man who would never
again ask a girl for a date. He would
never kiss a girl or hold someone he loved in his arms. He was dying.
I did not tell the orderly he was an insensitive jerk. I quietly told him ‘no.’
Later I wondered if he was actually evil. Did he purposely want to taunt a young man
with whom he could not compare? If the
patient had been healthy, and the two of them had stood side by side, there is
no way any female would have chosen the orderly over the patient. Was he trying to rub in the fact that he was
on his feet and able to ask for a date?
Or, was he just an idiot? In any
event, I was not desperate enough for a date to consider going out with someone
who cared so little for the feelings of another.
So what was the outcome of the intersection of our three
lives? I’m certain the patient must have
died within weeks. The orderly probably
didn’t learn a single thing and would have repeated his awful performance given
the chance. I have remembered that painful
moment with sadness for over 50 years.
