What a Night in the ER Reveals

Yesterday afternoon, I began to have pain in my lower right chest.  I laid down, but I could find no comfortable position.  By suppertime, I had no appetite, and I was having difficulty breathing.  Every normal breath created sharp pain along the lower edge of my rib cage.  Around 6 pm, I decided I had to do something about it.  Bill and I discussed options.  We found the nearest ER on Google maps, and off we went.

The ER was an absolute zoo.  About 40 people were crowded in the waiting area.  If some had not been in wheelchairs there would not have been adequate seating.  We could hear people around us saying they had been there waiting for 7 hours.

I was taken into triage quite quickly.  Even though the chest pain was on the right, I guess chest pain is chest pain, so I had a speedy EKG. 

Then the wait began.

We were seated next to a couple who were about our age or a bit older.   They were not happy with each other.  They were quiet about it, but we were close enough to be aware of the friction.  I think she probably had some beginning dementia, and he was not able to deal with it patiently.  He felt there was no reason to be there.  She asked if he thought she was making up her reason to come to the ER.  He said “yes.”  She was obviously hurt.  They had been waiting for over 7 hours, and she wanted to just leave and go home.  He was gritting his teeth and refusing to leave after having waited so long.  They clearly did not have a supportive and loving relationship.

A few hours later, an argument erupted between a young couple.  She was crying and he was berating her in Spanish.  I don’t speak Spanish, but the tone of voice could not be mistaken.  She got up and went outside.  He followed her.  She came back in and sat down in a spot where he could not sit next to her.  He sat nearby and continued to speak loudly and angrily as she sobbed and made repeated attempts to get away from him by moving around the room.  Finally, a man sitting in the waiting room intervened.  At this point, we were sitting with our backs to the situation, so I don’t know if he was physically imposing, but he took the guy on verbally.  He told him he wasn’t going to tolerate his treatment of the young lady, and he’d better leave.  The young idiot then called 911 and tried to say he was the victim.  Hospital security arrived and separated the young man and his crying girlfriend.  The problem was taken outside, so I don’t know what happened from there, but that was not a loving relationship.

Meanwhile, my sweet husband was hovering over me trying to do whatever he could to be helpful.  Did I need a drink of water?  Was I warm enough?  He hung on to me as I walked from one place to another.  When I finally was taken to a room and was on the stretcher, he was afraid my feet were cold.  He sat at the foot of the stretcher and put my feet against his body under his sweater.  He never complained about the long wait.  I told him I was sorry, because I knew it would mess up his being able to play softball in the morning.  He shrugged it off.  I was able to doze off after I had been given some pain medication by IV.  He catnapped in the chair near me.

After a total of 10 hours, an EKG, lots of blood work, a chest x-ray, a CAT scan of my chest, a bag of IV fluid, visits by a medical student and a physician, we headed home with a diagnosis of pleurisy, and the revelation that I have scarring at the base of both of my lungs, but it is worse on the right.  As to why the pleurisy was triggered yesterday, no suggestions.  Although a blood test marker for a blood clot and possible pulmonary embolism was elevated, that was ruled out with the CAT scan.  They did find a very small nodule in my left lung which we should keep an eye on.

But, the main take-away from the long night was something I already knew.  My husband is a prince, and we have a loving relationship for which I am very grateful.

Dust

…You were made from dust and to dust you will return.  Genesis 3:19

…he remembers that we are dust…Psalm 103:14

Specks drifting in the wind,

Gathered together, compacted

Carefully shaped,

And yet...dust.

Capable of artistry,

Complex thought,

Creative endeavor,

And yet…dust.

Capable of evil,

Arrogance and greed,

Pettiness and falsehood,

Because…dust.

Straining to be more,

To do more,

Falling short,

Because…dust

In the struggle,

In the failure,

He remembers,

We are dust.

Reduced by death,

And passage of time,

Coming full circle,

We are dust.

He who formed us,

Knows best,

What we are made of.

But in compassion…

He looks past the dust into our hearts.

Amaryllis Anticipation

Green spears poke through,

Lifting their heads upward,

Seeking the sun.

From a swollen end,

A streak of red peeks out.

The swelling splits,

Revealing brilliant flowers,

Each a burst of flaming red,

Trumpet shaped

And equally boisterous.

After a few days,

You wilt and droop.

You stain my hands

As I pluck you off.

I mourn your passing.

But under the earth,

Inside the hidden bulb,

Is the potential for a new day,

Of radiance and glory.

Amaryllis anticipation.

Thoughts on Flirtation

 

Ah…so why is an old lady living at a retirement center thinking about flirtation?  It seems men never stop being vulnerable to it, and women never stop doing it or worrying that someone else is doing it to their husbands.

A friend here, who is a widow, commented that she sometimes gets the feeling that other women are uncomfortable when she talks to their husbands.  This came up because she and I had become friendly before she met my husband.  After meeting him, she told me she had no idea I was married to such a handsome man.  She wondered if I was unhappy with her talking to him.  I laughed.  I am not worried in the least.  Women of all ages from toddler to senior have always seemed to find my husband charming.  I think it is his twinkly blue eyes and boyish grin that work the magic.  However, he has never given me reason to be worried.

When my uncle, who was an attractive older man who had never married, moved into a retirement community, he found the single women to be “predators.”  Most men would find a bit of flirtation and perhaps even aggression to be flattering.  Not so for my uncle.  I suspect there are a variety of responses to flirtation from older men.  Young men seem to universally fall for it.

As a young woman, I could not understand this at all.  Especially when I watched someone who I knew to be highly intelligent succumb.  I always felt flirtation was dishonest and manipulative.  Why would you do that to someone, if you genuinely liked and respected him?  I also seemed to be incapable of it.

My senior year in high school, I had a major role in the senior play.  The main character in the play was a man, but there were three important female roles.  One was more or less a victim of bullying, one was a bitchy woman, and one was a nice teenage girl.  I was the nice one.  I did, however, have a boyfriend, and one of my lines in the script was to tell my boyfriend that I had no plans for the evening, but “I’m open to suggestion.”  The director of the play wanted this to be said in a flirtatious way.  Every time I delivered the line in rehearsals everything came to a grinding halt as he shouted, “No, no, no!”  On one occasion he added, “If I had the wherewithal to say the line appropriately, I would, but I don’t.”

I thought, “okay…if a male can’t say the line, I will have to learn how to do it from a girl.”  So, at my next gym class I went around and asked every girl to say the line for me.  I did not find this particularly helpful.  At the next rehearsal, I did my best, and he still yelled, “No, no, no!”

Sadly, one of the girls from the gym class happened to be hanging around at the rehearsal.  She did have a habit of saying things better left unsaid.  She piped up, “Don’t yell at her!  She asked every girl in the gym class to say it for her.”

Oh…the laughter that ensued!  I was embarrassed as the director laughed uproariously.  I suppose there were snickers from some of my male peers, but I don’t remember.  I was probably trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

I was always too open and direct to be flirtatious.  This resulted in lots of delightful platonic relationships which I would not have missed for the world.  At some point in our developing relationship, my boyfriend who became my husband told me it was OK if I flirted with him.  I’m not sure if he enjoys my attempts as flirtation or as humor.

I do think I’ve figured out the line from the play.  One must say…

"But I’m…(pause and sly smile)….open to suggestion (lift one eyebrow).”

Unresolvable Controversy

I should not allow myself to get drawn into controversies on Facebook which cannot be resolved, because each side is so convinced that they are right, that any argument is futile.  But, I did.  And…it wasn’t even about politics.

You know those math problems that are posted which cause arguments?  One camp thinks the answer is 7 and another group is convinced the answer is 1.  An older school group believes all equations are worked left to right, but the more recently educated believe one must use “Order of Operations” or PEDMAS (parentheses-exponents-division-multiplication-addition-subtraction).  When they come up with different answers, each side accuses the other of not knowing what they are doing.

I think this is all meaningless, because no one worth his salt would, in a practical situation, allow an equation to be written that caused confusion or controversy.

If you were an engineer creating an equation that would help to determine the strength of the material used in building a bridge would you risk someone misinterpreting the equation?

If you were a medical researcher creating an equation to determine the correct dose of a chemotherapy drug would you leave an equation in a form that required PEDMAS to accurately interpret?

If you were creating an equation to calculate the firing of retrorockets to ensure the safe return of astronauts from space would you write an ambiguously structured formula?

NO!  NO! and NO!

As far as I am concerned, this means that PEDMAS is a “parlor game” or internet game and otherwise is only usable by math teachers for test questions.

I tried to say that and created a firestorm of responses.  It apparently drives math teachers crazy to think they are teaching something as the Holy Grail which has no meaningful purpose in real life.  I actually found an article by a Berkeley math professor that said essentially what I was saying.  I posted a link to the article and someone argued that the article agreed with her position, not mine. (I think there may be a reading comprehension issue there!)

Now…I LOVE math.  I thoroughly enjoy it as though it were a game.  I know to most people this is bizarre, but solving a complicated math problem actually gives me a pleasurable sensation inside my head. 

But…I do understand the difference between math as a game and math as a tool.  Just as reading is essential to learning in most fields, math is essential in many, many fields.  In the practical setting, it cannot be viewed as a game or puzzle, it has to be viewed as a precise tool.  There cannot be ambiguity when someone’s life may depend on the calculation.  An equation used for a practical purpose must be clear…even broken down into multiple steps if that is what is required to avoid confusion.

I did some searching and found a formula for calculating the dose of a chemotherapy drug.  It was written with parenthesis which made clear which portion of the equation needed to be dealt with first.  There was no division sign…division was indicated by placing one portion of the equation over the other essentially creating a fraction.  The dose for a female was to be 85% of the male dose, but this was shown as an extra step.  No confusion…no reliance on PEDMAS.

When the math matters, one cannot play games.

If you like games, there are plenty of them on the internet and lots of opportunity to argue which answer is correct.

I will be scrolling past these on FB, because there is obviously no point in trying to explain that it is all a game to make some feel more educated than others.  People apparently want to keep taking shots at those who don't agree with them, and will even use math as an excuse to do so.

Now as to how this happens with political opinions....no, no, Ruth....don't go there!

The Relevance of Jude

Reading the book of Jude, I can’t help but be struck with how relevant it is for today, although written 2000 years ago.  Throughout the centuries, there has certainly been apostasy in the church, but some of what goes on within the church today is mind-boggling.

Jude urges the believers to “contend for the faith (NIV) or “put up a real fight for the faith” (Phillips).  In today’s society, where we are constantly told to be tolerant and inclusive, it can be difficult to take a firm stand.  We don’t want to be viewed as uncharitable in our beliefs and actions.  However, there are lines which should not be crossed.

Jude gives three examples of individuals who fell into error:

*Cain-who relied on the works of his own hands rather than in the atoning sacrifice.  (Genesis 4)

*Balaam-who was looking for material gain and was unwilling to accept that God was clearly closing the door to something he wanted to do. (Numbers 22-24)

*Korah-who was full of pride and rebelled against God-appointed authority.  (Numbers 16)

All of these errors occur in churches today.  Some think that good works will save them.  Some believe their judgment is better than God’s direction and try to batter down closed doors.  Some are puffed up with pride and won’t accept direction from those God has clearly appointed.

Characteristics of such people listed by Jude include:  murmuring, complaining, lust, using extravagant or exaggerated speech, showing partiality, flattering and being divisive.

What is our response to be?

*Don’t allow those who are operating on their natural instincts, rather than being led by God’s spirit, to divide you. (v. 19)

*Build yourselves up through Bible study and prayer. (v. 20)

*Keep yourself in God’s love. (v. 21)

*Be merciful, but with discretion. (v.22-23)  In the process of being merciful, don’t allow yourself to get sucked in!  You may feel sorry for someone and understand how they could fall into sin, but you cannot condone it.

As Jude concludes, it is God who is able to keep us from falling.  We cannot do this in our own strength!  None of us has it within ourselves to stand against the evil schemes of the enemy of our souls.  As Jude points out in verse 9, even the archangel Michael did not attempt to rebuke the devil by his own power, but in the name of the Lord.

The book of Jude is just one chapter of 26 verses.  Read it for yourself and ask how you can “contend for the faith.”

What is the Speed of Time?

The first 20 years of life crept along.  Before my memory, I am told my ambition was to be as tall as the handle on the refrigerator door.  Ever so slowly, I grew and attained that height. 

I do remember that I thought the day would never come when I could read well enough to read the Sunday comics to myself and not rely on my somewhat crazy uncles on Sunday afternoons at Grandma’s house.  One could never be sure they weren’t editing as they read.

I wanted time to stop so that I didn’t have to walk across the stage in front of all those people to graduate from sixth grade.  I could feel it coming ever so slowly but surely.  It turns out, that I could live through that intimidation.

The pain of mid-teens seemed never-ending.  I believed that to be the Dark Ages of my life.  Who am I?  What am I supposed to be doing with my life that stretches out in front of me?  How will I find purpose and meaning?  But eventually, I emerged with hope for the time ahead, because of my faith in a loving God.

I don’t know if the six years I spent getting my education after high school crept or sped.  In retrospect, they are the blink of an eye, but at the time, they were packed full of life-defining experiences.  I remember times when I counted down the hours left in my shift caring for some extremely ill and difficult patient.  I knew that if I could reach the end of my eight hours, the impossible situation was someone else’s responsibility.  Agony and ecstasy shaped me and formed life-long bonds with friends as we suffered or rejoiced together.

I walked down the aisle with my Dad and back up it with my husband over 50 years ago.  On that day, the notion of 50 years together was exciting but not really possible to comprehend.  We were pledging to grow old together, but so much life was ahead before we reached old age.

Ha!  Fifty years!  Is that a long time or is that the blink of an eye?  Looking back, I can barely wrap my head around all the things we have experienced together….wonderful times, horrible times, mundane times. 

Today is the last day of 2019.  I am 74.  Do I have 20 more years?  If so, will they edge forward at a snail’s pace or shoot past like an accelerating locomotive?  Twenty years seems like a long, long time when one is a child.  Now, twenty years seems like nothing…a wisp of smoke.  Here I am asking some of the same questions as in my mid-teens.  Who am I now? What am I supposed to be doing?  This time, however, it doesn’t feel like the Dark Ages of my life.  I have lived through all those strange and sometimes frightening eras.  I have learned that God has been faithful, and I believe that will continue…whether I have 20 years left or 20 months or 20 days or 20 minutes.  I know sometimes life will pass slowly and sometimes rapidly, but I know it only goes in one direction for mortal man.  I am OK with that!

Welcome, 2020.