Awake at 4 AM

I rarely have trouble falling asleep, but if I awaken during the night, I have difficulty getting back to sleep.  Especially if there is something stressful going on in my life that my brain thinks it needs to "work on."  As much as one portion of my brain shouts at the other that the middle of the night is not the time to ponder possible solutions to some dilemma, the other portion just keeps cranking out ideas.  Tonight I have not one, not two, not three, but four major issues, any one of which could keep me awake.  Dealing with one of these problems over the next few days is potentially going to prevent me from dealing with the others.


So...how to cope?


Before I went to sleep last night, I followed my normal habit of reading out of the Bible.  I do not usually read more that a chapter, but last night I got into the story in Numbers 22-24, which by the way, includes a talking donkey.  As interesting as that is, what stood out to me was a message from God spoken through the prophet Balaam.


God is not a man, that he should lie,
Nor the son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?


Can I trust God to take the necessary actions to solve my problems?  Can I believe that He is already working?  Will He give me the guidance to come up with the right solutions, at the right time?  Will He give me the peace to wait for His leading?


Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill?


Back to bed I go.

Moving in the Right Direction

I am filled with a sense of relief that things are moving in the right direction.

Twelve days ago, my father-in-law fell in the bathroom and did a number on his left forearm. A large flap of skin was left hanging. The doctor decided not to remove it, hoping that circulation would reestablish and the wound would heal without the loose flap needing to be cut off.

Each day when I have dressed the wound, I have been concerned about the extreme discoloration of the wedge shaped flap. Various shades of deep purple, sometimes with yellow patches have had me worried.

Yesterday I went with him to the follow-up doctor appointment. Much to my relief, there was finally some improvement. Today the improvement was even more significant. There are a couple of very small edges that clearly aren't going back into place and will eventually come off, but the bulk of the tissue appears to be healing.

Each day I have evaluated the situation and found it static. I was waiting for it to get worse, so that I could make the decision to get him back to the doctor, or to improve so that I could exhale with relief. Turning the corner is a very good thing.

At this time of the year, I can see nature turning a corner. We still have lots of snow and freezing temperatures, but the sun is higher in the sky. The cold doesn't seem quite as bitter. South-facing snowbanks are showing signs of melting and creeping back from the edges of the roads and sidewalks. We are moving in the right direction.

Healing happens.

Spring comes.

Balancing on the edge of a situation is stressful. Knowing which way you are going, even if it is in a negative direction, at least gives you an inkling as to what your course of action should be. It's the not knowing that is unnerving.