The Sacred Space

Being in a sexual relationship is sometimes referred to as “sleeping together.”  But, there is a great deal more to sleeping together than having sex.  When you fall asleep in someone else’s presence, you are allowing yourself to become unconscious along with them and totally vulnerable to them.  You are signaling, “I trust you completely.”  There is something extraordinarily intimate about this mutual vulnerability.

It seems to me that it is a sacred thing to end the day by crawling into the same bed.  Whether there are any words spoken or prayers murmured, there is a sense of “we are in this together. We have made it through another day of both difficulties and accomplishments.”  For the one who believes in a personal God who guides us through life, there is a sense of “we are here together in His love and kindness.  We are not only holding each other.  We are being held by the hand of God.”

I have been pondering that having my husband go into cardiac arrest as we slept side by side can be viewed in two very different ways.

I could be tempted to think of this as death’s cold hand invading our sacred space.  We went to bed together secure in each other’s love and expecting, as we always did, that God would protect us through our time of vulnerability.  Did the specter of death attack while we rested in security and oblivion?

The alternate view is that the hand of God reached into the sacred space and stopped my lover’s heart.  What better time and place to take him than when we were resting in our love for each other and God’s love for us?  Picturing his passing in that way takes away some of the painful sting of death.  My sweetheart moved from one sacred space to another even more sacred…the presence of God.

Either way brings tears.  I have a choice between tears of sorrow or tears of joy.  In truth, my tears are a mixture of both grief and gratitude.

I am writing this in the middle of the night having awakened alone and calling out my love’s name, but also with an awareness of God’s amazing love and care.