Finally Giving It Up

My license as a registered nurse expires this month, and I have decided not to renew it.  I took the licensing exam in Illinois in the fall of 1965.  The next year, I was licensed in New York by reciprocity.  Early in my career, I put myself through college.  I worked in 4 different hospitals and in a doctors’ office during the first 5 years after graduating from nursing school.  In 1969, after teaching high school biology for a year, I began teaching nursing at a junior college and also became a guest lecturer in an EMT program.  I eventually gave those lectures in 3 different counties and my notes were used by someone else in a 4^th county.

In 1972, we adopted our first child and a year later had our first biological child. I decided to “retire” for awhile.  I pictured this as being until children were in school.  I diligently renewed my license and kept up with all the required continuing education.  About the time when a return to work should have happened, I got a call from a local director of nursing.  She said she had three key job openings, and any one I wanted was mine for the taking.  However, one of our daughters had significant behavioral problems.  I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with a babysitter.  There was too much possibility of things getting out of control.

In 1983, we adopted another daughter who had a physical disability.  There were several issues that had not been dealt with while she was in foster care, and I knew that adopting her was a commitment on my part to continue at home.

As the girls got into their teenage years, I thought the possibility of reentering a career might be on the horizon.  I decided to work on a master’s degree in adult education.  The courses were being taught right in our small city as an extension from Syracuse University in a weekend scholar format.  This seemed quite doable.  I could see multiple ways that adult education interfaced with my previous experience as a nurse and as a teacher.

Then in 1986, my husband and I had a major surprise.  I became pregnant.  I thought that was fine, because I could complete the master’s program, and the expected child would go to kindergarten about the time our daughters left the nest.  I could go back to work then!

Well…another surprise.  The son we had was unusual.  We could not see any way he was going to fit with the school system.  He began playing Monopoly at the age of 3 years and 9 months and taught himself to read, because it was necessary to read the cards in order to play the game.  He also insisted on being the banker and had no difficulty in making change.  I thought at first, we might be able to send him to school, but when he did 1/3 of the years work in a kindergarten math book in one sitting, I could see my thinking was faulty.  I figured I was stuck for 13 years until I homeschooled him through high school.  I did, however, hold out enough hope, that I continued to renew my license and keep up with continuing education.

When our son was 13, he informed us he wanted to start taking college courses.  When he was 14, he made it clear, he intended to go full-time.  Ha!  I still had a few good years left in me.  The time had finally come!

Because I was by this time in my mid 50s and age discrimination is real, it took me awhile to find a job.  If my clinical skills had been current, I’m sure I could have found a job more easily.  But, although I had maintained my license, I knew I would be totally unfamiliar with equipment and procedures in the clinical area.  I eventually found a job at a small rural hospital that required background health care knowledge, but nothing more clinical than taking blood pressures.  By this time, I had also developed essential tremor which is inherited from my mother’s family, and I could not consider doing anything with needles.  

The job I ended up with was ideal.  I began by coordinating the hospital’s participation in a prostate cancer research program which was NCI funded.  After the initial phase of that program, I had time to do other things, and I began coordinating all of the hospital’s outreach programming.  It was a wonderful job with lots of variety.

When I became 65, I decided to “retire.”  We were downsizing and I needed time to organize and clean out for the move.  After that was accomplished, I worked for awhile part-time doing outreach for the NYS Cancer Service Program in our county.

When I stopped doing that, I became a part-time tutor of high school subjects.  That obviously didn’t require a nursing license, but I still maintained it…because you just never know.

So, I will be 75 this month.  Although the current Covid-19 pandemic and crisis caused me to get 3 emails from Governor Cuomo requesting that I inform him whether I am available to return to work, I don’t see that happening.  I am living in Florida, have had a respiratory illness myself recently, and that annoying hand tremor is popping up in all sorts of unsettling ways.

So…I’ve made this difficult decision.  I am not going to renew my license.  It was earned with sweat and tears and hard work.  It provided me with employment when I needed it most.  But, it isn’t just the license that makes one a nurse.  That is a part of me that is integral to who I am as a person.