The recent murders in Santa Barbara have prompted criticism
of multiple groups. Some people fault
law enforcement for not picking up on the extent of the young man’s problems in
their recent encounters with him. Some
criticize the mental health network for inadequate assistance to the man and
his concerned parents. The father of one
of the victims has come out strongly against the NRA and against legislators
for failure to enact more stringent gun control laws. I would like to point the finger at yet another
“guilty party.”
We as a society are guilty of allowing young people to think
that sexual activity is the norm and is, in fact, their right. The young man’s primary complaint seemed to
be that he was still a virgin and had never had a relationship with a young
woman. Having sex while still in high
school seems to be a cultural norm. We
teach young people about “safe sex” and make sure they have their HPV
immunization, because we expect they will engage in sex. Sexual encounters among young adults prior to
a committed marriage relationship are routine in the media. It is portrayed on television and in the
movies. It is unavoidably described in
the lyrics of songs.
Recently my nine
year old grandson asked me to find music on the radio while driving in the
car. I had a hard time finding a station
that I felt comfortable with him hearing.
A song might begin with reasonable lyrics, but it then progressed (or
regressed) into foul mouthed descriptions of activity not appropriate for nine
year old consumption. We have allowed
ourselves to become a society in which our young people are constantly slapped
in the face with their sexuality…or lack of it.
If one dares to suggest that this is WRONG, that person is
out-of-touch, Puritanical, rigid, intolerant, and lots of other nasty things.
I DON’T CARE….IT IS WRONG!
Young people are rarely ready for the commitment that should
accompany engaging in sex. Sex outside
of a committed marriage relationship is never “safe sex.” We have failed our young people by allowing
them to believe that it is just a physical function and can’t be helped. Everyone must do it….like eating and having a
bowel movement. The connection that sex
has to ones very soul is ignored. The
intricate dance of exploring the heart, mind and soul of another human being
before exploring his or her body has been lost. But, sex is much sexier when it does not involve instant gratification; when
it is the culmination of getting to know a person socially, emotionally and
intellectually, prior to hopping between the sheets.
A young man in a rage over his virginity is only one of many
fall-outs from our negligence. It is,
however, a particularly obvious and tragic one.
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