Ready to Fold

I got thinking today about an incident that happened several years ago, that some of my readers might find amusing.

I completed a major grocery shopping and the clerk said, "That comes to ninty-three dollars and sixty-seven cents."

As I began to write out the check, I heard a masculine voice behind me say loudly, "Ninty-three dollars and sixty-seven cents!"

A quick sideways glance revealed an obviously intoxicated shopper in line behind me. I didn't want to become engaged in conversation, so I ignored him.

He, however, was not to be ignored. He said, even more loudly, "Ninty-three dollars and sixty-seven cents!"

I turned slightly, not making direct eye contact and trying to concentrate on writing the check, and said, "I'm getting ready for company."

"Ha! I don't care if the Queen of England was coming for dinner. I wouldn't pay ninty-three dollars and sixty-seven cents!"

Hoping to put a damper on the discussion, I said quietly, "Well, I have a son with severe food allergies, so I buy some products that are sort of expensive."

Still loudly, but with a tone of understanding, he replied, "Now I know what you mean! I have allergies myself."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I can't eat a bit of food without some of this." He patted the case of 24 cans of beer which was on the conveyor belt.

By this time customers in adjacent lanes in each direction were watching with amusement.

"Hmmm....I'm not a very good person to talk to about that," I said. "I'm a total abstainer."

With utter consternation, he responded, "Total abstainer? Total abstainer?"

Obviously such a possibility had never occurred to him.

"Yup...I don't drink at all...not ever."

"Oh, lady, don't you know how good it is for your cholesterol? My doctor says that I have the lowest cholesterol in the county!"

"Really....what does your doctor say about your liver?"

"Ready to fold...."

I think everyone in earshot was laughing at this point.

Thankfully my check was written, and I escaped. I have no idea what he had to say after I left, but sometimes even going to the grocery store is an adventure.