Uncertain Times

In this time of pandemic, Pfizer is running an ad which has a hopeful and uplifting message.  So much so, that it could easily slip past the listener that it says:

“When things are uncertain, we turn to the most certain thing there is…science.”

Uncharacteristically, my husband picked up on this first.  He often pays no attention to ads and uses ad time to flip from one channel to another.  But he caught it and drew my attention to it.

Science is the most certain thing there is?

I suppose we would like to think that, because we would like to believe that science, including medicine and technology, have all the answers and have the potential to solve all problems.  We want to believe that it is only a matter of time before the current crisis fades away as a treatment or prevention are discovered by hard working scientists.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love science.  I remember during college days butting heads with a friend over whether science or the humanities were more important areas of study and bodies of knowledge.  But, I do recognize the short comings of science.

Over the years, multiple theories have been put forth with a high degree of certainty and later discovered to be off the mark.  Perhaps they had an element of truth or pointed the researchers in the next direction to be explored, but they weren’t “certain.”  If science is the most certain thing there is, we are in a lot of trouble.

A few years ago, I remember reading that our DNA contained a lot of “junk.”  There were areas that did not code for essential proteins and had no reason to be there.  It was cited as proof of evolution over creation.  Certainly no creator would have left this useless stuff in the code.  That was science.  More recently it has been determined that the areas that don’t actually code for the proteins are the “operating system.”  The areas previously understood are the “software.”  Both are essential. 

Ideas regarding the origin of the universe and its age change on a regular basis.  How the current novel virus came about is still being debated.  Science hasn’t yet figured out whether certain medications are actually helpful in the battle with the virus.  Will science figure this out?  Perhaps eventually, but in the process, there will be false ideas coming out of the scientific community.  What is said with certainty today, may not be so certain next year.

Science is wonderful.  It has allowed us to make phenomenal discoveries.  But, it is not infallible and it is not CERTAIN.

I chose to believe in an omniscient God who actually has all the answers, and who also sees into the future.  He is the only certain thing in uncertain times.

Isaiah 44:28 Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?  You are my witnesses.  Is there any God besides me?  No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.

God’s sovereignty is our only security.

I plan to stand on the Rock.

Seventy-Five Years....summing it up.

Seventy-five Years

How is that possible?

I haven’t yet achieved greatness!

I haven’t written a best seller or won a Grammy or been awarded the Nobel Prize.  I have somehow slipped through the cracks of childhood, youth, and middle age and landed in senior land.    The likelihood of distinguishing myself from this vantage point seems slim.

So how have I filled up the time in the past 75 years?

Hmmm….if I start to recount the activities of those decades, it is going to sound something like an obituary.  I’m not sure I want to write that yet!

But…by the grace of God…

*I survived some serious illness as a small child.  I had pneumonia twice and a kidney infection before the age of 4 at a time when an array of antibiotics was not available.

*I enjoyed my years in school and was an excellent student, but I had little self-confidence.  I was not popular in high school, although I had a small circle of close friends.

*I had an innate love of music and found it to be a wonderful source of expressing the thoughts of my mind and feelings of my heart.  I had some amazing opportunities to use that gift from childhood and into my 50s.

*I became a nurse.  It is difficult to begin to explain to someone who has not shared those experiences what it does to a person to see life and death in such an intimate way.

*I paid my own way through college.  What a lot of hard work that was!

*I met the love of my life and have spent the last 52 years building that relationship.

*I became a teacher…in high school, junior college, community and church.  Eventually I got a Masters degree in adult education.

*We raised 4 children.   All of them had some portion of their education in home-schooling.  I had a total of 16 years experience as a home-schooling parent.

*I was involved in some community activities, but primarily my volunteer activities were church related.  Over the years, I served on and chaired multiple committees….nursery, hospitality, music, nominating, Christian education, Sunday School.  I served on the Governing Board at one church and was Church Clerk at another.

*After the children were raised, I worked as an outreach coordinator for a small rural hospital.  It was a job with lots of variety.  Retiring from that, I did outreach for the local Cancer Service Program.

*After retiring from retirement, I tutored high school subjects both privately and for the local city school district.

* I have had poetry published.  I have written and performed my own music…none of it published, however.

* I have knit more sweaters and sewn more clothes than I can count…or remember.  I have also enjoyed crocheting and embroidering.  I have made several quilts.

*I have never been an athlete, but I have at various times enjoyed bowling, cross-country skiing, swimming and ice-skating.  I still enjoying swimming and ice-skating and have done both in the past 3 months.

*I have done quite a bit of home maintenance in the form of painting and wall-papering, both of which I genuinely enjoy.  I have also refinished several pieces of furniture.  I am delighted when I see the beauty in the grain of the wood.

*Gardening has been fun for me.  My husband has done the hard work of tilling and weeding.  I get to do the fun part of planting and harvesting.

*Cooking and baking have been great activities.  I dislike the clean-up afterward, but that’s part of the game.

*I have traveled more than I imagined I would when I was a young person.  I have been to all but 7 of the 50 states and have been on four continents.

*I have a great love of books and reading.  I read mainly periodicals and non-fiction, but I do enjoy novels by John Grisham and Randy Singer.

*I am quite addicted to crossword puzzles (especially New York Times puzzles) and Sudoku (but only the very difficult ones).  I have played around with creating decoding puzzles for kids.

*I was an early user of computers.  I learned to program Fortran in the 60s.  I still frequently use Word, Publisher and Powerpoint.

*The unifying thread of my life has been my relationship with Jesus as my Savior and Sustainer.  I rarely miss reading the Bible on a daily basis.  I have lost track of how many times I have read it cover to cover.  I pray throughout the day looking for guidance, for wisdom, for help in setting priorities. 

There is a part of me that wishes I had done something truly spectacular in the past 75 years, but there is another part of me that realizes that I have tried every day to do what I believed God planned for me for that day, so I need to be content with the sum of those days, and the point at which I find myself.

And there is also this….earlier this week, I did a video chat with my grandchildren in California.  The 5 and 3 year olds were showing me how they have learned to make their beds.  As they spread the quilts I had made for them over the top of their beds, the 5 year old said, “The quilts you made for us make us feel special.”  If I have done something to make each of my eleven grandchildren feel special, I am satisfied with my life.

Kitchen or Chemistry Lab--Details Matter!

Today I am working on a Boston Cream Pie for my husband’s birthday.  It is his favorite.  I made the filling from scratch.  One of the steps is adding a mixture which has been boiled for one minute into a slightly beaten egg yolk.  Then putting that mixture back in the pan and boiling it for another minute.  If you don’t understand the reasoning behind this, you might think “that’s silly!”  I’ll just add the egg yolk right into the boiling mixture….why be dumping things back and forth?”  If you were to do that, you would not end up with a nice rich sauce.  You would end up with a milky sauce with chunks of cooked egg floating around.  Direction of addition matters.

It made me think about my days in college as a chemistry major.  The second semester of organic chemistry most students could take a regular lab session, but majors had to do something called “Special Preps.”  We would go to the professor’s office and be given an index card with the name of the compound we were supposed to create.  This might also include the reagents available to us.  We would then have to research in the chemistry library and determine how this substance had been previously made, check out with the professor if we were on the right track, and then hit the lab to create the compound.

On one of these occasions, I researched the substance I was assigned, and discovered the only place in the literature where it was recorded was in a Russian journal.  I do not speak Russian.  I went to see my professor.  He knew that is what I would discover, but he wanted me to go through the process.  He then handed me another index card on which he had written the translation from the Russian journal.

I assembled my equipment and followed the directions carefully.  This involved carrying out the procedure in “the hood” where I was shielded, and any resulting gases would be safely exhausted.  The main flask in which the reaction would occur was packed in ice, so obviously I was supposed to expect an exothermic reaction.  I was not expecting an explosion, but that is what I got.  The reaction was so violent that it blew the glass stoppers out of the equipment.  What was left in the flask was a stringy mess of a polymer.  I knew I was not supposed to get a polymer.  A liquid was expected, and I knew at what approximate temperature it should come off and condense.

Thinking maybe I had inadvertently added too much, I ran the reaction a second time.  This time I was careful to add only one drop of the reagent to the one in the main flask.  The result was similar.  I now suspected that the direction of addition should be reversed.  Instead of adding Reagent B to Reagent A, I should be added A to B.  But, the professor’s translation said B to A.  Did I really want to confront the professor with the notion, he had translated incorrectly?  I tried a third time with the same results.

I took a deep breath and went to the professor’s office.  I told him I was getting polymer, and as diplomatically as possible, I asked if perhaps the direction of addition was reversed in the translation.  He readily agreed that was probably the case.

I returned to the lab and tried the fourth time.  This time adding A to B.  Much to my delight, I did not get a polymer, but a liquid which boiled off and condensed at the predicted temperature.  The professor was delighted with my results, and I learned something important.

Transferred to the kitchen, it means do not add egg to a hot liquid.  Add small amounts of the hot liquid to the egg, so that the egg doesn’t cook and is heated up gradually.  We haven’t eaten the Boston Cream Pie yet, but I licked the spoon after making the filling, and it is yummy!  I definitely never licked anything in the chemistry lab!

Finally Giving It Up

My license as a registered nurse expires this month, and I have decided not to renew it.  I took the licensing exam in Illinois in the fall of 1965.  The next year, I was licensed in New York by reciprocity.  Early in my career, I put myself through college.  I worked in 4 different hospitals and in a doctors’ office during the first 5 years after graduating from nursing school.  In 1969, after teaching high school biology for a year, I began teaching nursing at a junior college and also became a guest lecturer in an EMT program.  I eventually gave those lectures in 3 different counties and my notes were used by someone else in a 4^th county.

In 1972, we adopted our first child and a year later had our first biological child. I decided to “retire” for awhile.  I pictured this as being until children were in school.  I diligently renewed my license and kept up with all the required continuing education.  About the time when a return to work should have happened, I got a call from a local director of nursing.  She said she had three key job openings, and any one I wanted was mine for the taking.  However, one of our daughters had significant behavioral problems.  I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with a babysitter.  There was too much possibility of things getting out of control.

In 1983, we adopted another daughter who had a physical disability.  There were several issues that had not been dealt with while she was in foster care, and I knew that adopting her was a commitment on my part to continue at home.

As the girls got into their teenage years, I thought the possibility of reentering a career might be on the horizon.  I decided to work on a master’s degree in adult education.  The courses were being taught right in our small city as an extension from Syracuse University in a weekend scholar format.  This seemed quite doable.  I could see multiple ways that adult education interfaced with my previous experience as a nurse and as a teacher.

Then in 1986, my husband and I had a major surprise.  I became pregnant.  I thought that was fine, because I could complete the master’s program, and the expected child would go to kindergarten about the time our daughters left the nest.  I could go back to work then!

Well…another surprise.  The son we had was unusual.  We could not see any way he was going to fit with the school system.  He began playing Monopoly at the age of 3 years and 9 months and taught himself to read, because it was necessary to read the cards in order to play the game.  He also insisted on being the banker and had no difficulty in making change.  I thought at first, we might be able to send him to school, but when he did 1/3 of the years work in a kindergarten math book in one sitting, I could see my thinking was faulty.  I figured I was stuck for 13 years until I homeschooled him through high school.  I did, however, hold out enough hope, that I continued to renew my license and keep up with continuing education.

When our son was 13, he informed us he wanted to start taking college courses.  When he was 14, he made it clear, he intended to go full-time.  Ha!  I still had a few good years left in me.  The time had finally come!

Because I was by this time in my mid 50s and age discrimination is real, it took me awhile to find a job.  If my clinical skills had been current, I’m sure I could have found a job more easily.  But, although I had maintained my license, I knew I would be totally unfamiliar with equipment and procedures in the clinical area.  I eventually found a job at a small rural hospital that required background health care knowledge, but nothing more clinical than taking blood pressures.  By this time, I had also developed essential tremor which is inherited from my mother’s family, and I could not consider doing anything with needles.  

The job I ended up with was ideal.  I began by coordinating the hospital’s participation in a prostate cancer research program which was NCI funded.  After the initial phase of that program, I had time to do other things, and I began coordinating all of the hospital’s outreach programming.  It was a wonderful job with lots of variety.

When I became 65, I decided to “retire.”  We were downsizing and I needed time to organize and clean out for the move.  After that was accomplished, I worked for awhile part-time doing outreach for the NYS Cancer Service Program in our county.

When I stopped doing that, I became a part-time tutor of high school subjects.  That obviously didn’t require a nursing license, but I still maintained it…because you just never know.

So, I will be 75 this month.  Although the current Covid-19 pandemic and crisis caused me to get 3 emails from Governor Cuomo requesting that I inform him whether I am available to return to work, I don’t see that happening.  I am living in Florida, have had a respiratory illness myself recently, and that annoying hand tremor is popping up in all sorts of unsettling ways.

So…I’ve made this difficult decision.  I am not going to renew my license.  It was earned with sweat and tears and hard work.  It provided me with employment when I needed it most.  But, it isn’t just the license that makes one a nurse.  That is a part of me that is integral to who I am as a person. 

Life Changing Choice

I have been thinking recently how one decision I made when I was only seven years old has changed the whole course of my life.  I asked Jesus to be my Savior in a very personal way on November 2, 1952.  Years later my mother told me that there was a definite change in my life from that time on.  As I grew older and began making decisions about education and career path and marriage partner, my commitment to look for and follow God’s guidance was the defining factor in my life.

If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart and life, I quite probably would have chosen a different career.  I would have had no reason to consider the nursing school affiliated with a Christian college.  I probably would have attended a school in New York State as multiple scholarships were available to me if I stayed in New York.  Would I have become a nurse, or would I have pursued some other interest?  I was interested in most everything other than law and politics.  My guidance counselor had told me, given his awareness of my aptitude testing and grades, he could recommend me to any school in the country to study any subject I pleased.  He had also encouraged me to apply for a scholarship available at our high school for someone intending to be a medical doctor.  What would I have done?

In any event, I would have probably already had a bachelor’s degree by 1966, so I would have been out on my own.  I would not have moved to Watertown with my parents between college years in the summer of ’66.  I certainly would not have gone to church with them there, so I would not have met my husband.  If I had met him, nothing would have come of it.  He never dated anyone who did not at least profess to be a Christian.  He certainly would not have married someone in whom that faith was not genuine.

So…our biological children would not exist.  Our adopted children would exist somewhere in the world probably.  The child we adopted as an infant has said that her biological mother might have killed her, but perhaps someone else would have adopted her, and she would be somewhere.  The daughter we adopted at age 11 might or might not have survived.  Her case worker told me that without us, she would have eventually been placed in an institution.  If they had both lived and grown up elsewhere, none of our grandchildren would exist.  Our daughters would not have grown up in Watertown, made the decisions they made, and had the children they have had.  Of our eleven grandchildren, the only one who would be in the world is the one who is actually a step-grandchild, although we think of him as fully ours.  The lives of our son-in-law and daughter-in-law would have played out differently.  In fact, many lives would have been different.

I cannot begin to imagine how many lives have been impacted by a choice I made at the age of 7.  I stand in awe of a God who can speak so directly to the heart and mind of a child.  I don’t know quite how he brought me at such a young age to a deep understanding that I was powerless to change things in my life on my own, but I am grateful.  I really don’t want to imagine where I would be without Him.  I do know that during at least three time periods in my life, I could have easily succumbed to despair.  I clung to Jesus to give meaning to my life.  I have no desire to live outside of His loving guidance.  To whom would I go?

John 6: 66-69  …many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.  “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.  Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.  We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

Thoughts on Homeschooling

I find the many comments about homeschooling that are currently circulating quite interesting.  Many of them are meant to be funny.  People don’t really intend to lock their kids in the basement or duct tape them to the wall…. I hope!

I spent a total of 16 years homeschooling my four kids for varying lengths of time.  Two of my daughters were only homeschooled 3 years…from 6^th to 8^th grade.  One was in homeschooling 6 years…from 5^th through 10^th grade.  My son never went to public school.  He started kindergarten at home when he was 4 and went to college part-time when he was 13.  That year, I homeschooled subjects he was not taking at the junior college.  At 14, he took college courses full-time, and my homeschooling came to an end.

Although it required a great deal of organization and self-discipline, I enjoyed homeschooling and felt it improved relationships with the kids.  When they were in public school, the girls would come home with upsets and frustrations.  They were not in a mood to be helped with homework.  In contrast, homeschool allowed me to deal with any educational problems during the day as they occurred.  Frustration did not build throughout the day.  By late afternoon, instead of walking in the door and dumping the days upsets on me, they were finished with their work and ready to go out and play or visit with friends or have a quiet time by themselves.  Everyone’s moods were better.

They also quickly learned that if they got their work done before lunch, we could do other things.  During the winter months, this included regular trips to the ice arena to skate.  We could also travel.  We sometimes rented an RV, packed up the schoolwork and accompanied my husband on business trips.  Some days we would stay in an RV park and do schoolwork while he made business calls.  Other days we went on educational adventures.  We visited historical and educational sites in Boston, Philadelphia and Washington DC.  We also enjoyed beaches and tourist attractions in Florida.  Our son traveled with us many times, including a “field trip” to the Alamo and the Fire-fighters Hall of Flame.  When the girls returned to public school, they sometimes commented on being the only one in their social studies class who had seen some of the historical places they were studying.

In the current environment, traveling around isn’t possible and get togethers with friends aren’t safe either.  But, having spent the school hours with their parents, I think most children will be ready to do something on their own.

If you are new to homeschooling, don’t put yourself under pressure to work with your kids the entire time of normal school hours.  A lot of time is wasted during a traditional school day.  Your child should be able to complete their lessons in much less time than the length of a school day.  So, give them and yourself some breaks.  Let them explore some of their own interests.  Allow them to learn from things that are typically done around the house.  It’s OK for them to help with household chores.  Teach them to do laundry, to sew on a button, to cook and bake.  Encourage them to plant some seeds and watch their progress.

Make use of online resources.  The material available online now seems almost limitless.  Maybe you don’t understand some math concept they are studying, but I can guarantee there is some online site that is explaining it better than their usual teacher could.  There are loads of documentaries available to reinforce lessons in history.  Let them explore maps…. knowledge of geography seems to be woefully lacking these days.  

Don’t put yourself under too great a burden with homeschooling!  During daily life, teach your kids what you yourself know.  It doesn’t have to seem like a lesson…just talk to them.  Answer their questions.  Young children ask many, many questions.  Don’t let this annoy you.  It’s a compliment that they think you know the answers!  As they get older, they want to debate and discuss.  Don’t be threatened by this.  They may disagree with you to your face, but actually accept your opinions.

Enjoy these days.  They won’t last forever.  One day you will be an old grandma or grandpa sitting in your retirement community apartment reminiscing.  That’s what I am doing.

All is Forgiven

I was angry with my Christmas cactus, because it did not bloom for me at Christmas.  I had placed it in a dark closet and not watered it for the month of November which should have triggered it to start blooming, but nothing!  My African violet was covered with lovely purple flowers with white edges.  The orchid was full of blossoms, but the Christmas cactus let Christmas go by without any signs of color.

About 5 years ago, I had salvaged the plant from my in-laws’ home after they passed away.  It had not been cared for, other than being watered, for some time.  The pot it was in was too small and had been sitting on a windowsill.  This had caused the plant to develop unevenly…all to the right and left…nothing to the front or back.  It was so unbalanced that it fell over if it wasn’t leaning against the glass.  I put it in a much larger pot and allowed it to spread in all directions.  It cooperated and pleased me with blossoms.  Then I moved it to Florida with me.  Even though I had treated it well, it disappointed me at Christmas time.

I became very ill during the month of March with a respiratory infection.  I was ill for over 3 weeks, and because of the covid-19 concern, I was quarantined to my apartment.  I live in a beautiful community, but I was told not to leave my apartment even wearing a mask.  I could not go out for a walk or over to check our little garden plot.

In this time of isolation, my Christmas cactus decided to bloom…..and not just with a few blossoms.  It has burst forth with an abundance of exquisite blossoms.  The individual flowers have multiple petals and the pistil and stamens in the center of the flowers are delicate and beautifully arranged.  The plant has delighted and pleased me.  It brightens my long and rather boring days.

Its earlier failure is completely forgiven, because it has blossomed at precisely the right time.