I am not a hoarder….well, not for the most part. My house is neat and tidy with the exception
of some junk drawers and the top surface of my desk. My computer desk top is not even particularly
cluttered…not nearly so much as my actual physical desk.
My brain…that is a whole different matter…at least at night
when I am trying to sleep. During the
day, I can keep my thoughts compartmentalized.
I do not allow myself to be concerned about one thing while I am working
on another. I can defer “worrying” about
something until it is really time to consider it, but neither am I a
procrastinator. Thought fragments are in
designated storage places waiting to be pulled out at the appropriate time...I
do not view when I am trying to sleep as the appropriate time. But, once I am horizontal and my eyes are
closed…then!
Then, out they tumble like scraps of quilt fabric,
unfinished knitting, half written stories, letters I must write, bills I must
pay, left-overs in the refrigerator that need to be discarded, dirty laundry, clues
to the unfinished crossword puzzle, and a myriad of other debris. The disjointed mess pours out on the floors
of my brain until I am slogging knee-deep in the confusing jumble. I just want to power down my mind and sink
into oblivion, but sometimes I spend the night trying to cram the disorder and
chaos back into cupboards with doors that latch.
Fortunately, this does not happen every night. When it does, I toss and turn, feeling
overwhelmed and inadequate for the task of restoring some semblance of order.
So this morning, I am tired and disgusted with my brain’s
hoarding habit. I need a broom and some
large trash bags and also….a nap.
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