Things I Shouldn't Read or See

There are things I probably should no longer read or see.

This morning, I saw a headline about a 16-month-old girl who was left alone in a playpen while her mother took a vacation for 10 days.  When she returned, the child was unresponsive and either died or had died.  I immediately started to cry.  I really should stop clicking on and reading such articles as it breaks my heart and results in immediate tears.  I don’t leave my plants for 10 days without arranging for someone to water them!  I would not leave a child that age alone for 10 hours, much less 10 days.  I would likely be checking every 10 minutes or less.

My mother was this way near the end of her life.  I thought it was because of her recent stroke, but I don’t know that it didn’t happen before that.  I just knew about it, because I was caring for her after the stroke.  We couldn’t let her watch the evening news.  If anything came on that stated or implied that children were in danger, she would burst into tears and cry out “the children, the children!”  This was at the point where she couldn’t carry on a conversation and often spoke gibberish.

Shortly after the war in Ukraine began, I saw an image on television that still plays in my mind.  A young boy, perhaps about 10, was walking down a road with devastation all around.  He was completely alone, no adult near him, and he was carrying a black garbage bag.  I assumed the bag contained his belongings.  He was staggering along the road crying as he went.  This image keeps coming back to my mind and causes tears to well up in my eyes.  My only comfort is that I hear the Lord say, “the hairs of his head are numbered.”

I don’t know if it is old age or the fact that my emotions are more raw than ever before since the loss of my husband.  Then again, I’ve had these feelings at other points in my life.

I know it’s not Christmas, but I first heard this song in the late 60s before we had children, and it brought tears to my eyes then, as it expressed the desire for all children to be cared for and loved.

Sandler and Young, I Sing Noel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4R06T14Qac

My Son vs the Mouse

Today, as I was missing my husband, I thought of the many times when something difficult seemed to happen while he was out of town or tied up at the office.  Many of these incidents were uncomfortable and best forgotten, but one is rather amusing and made me smile.

We did not often have mice in our big old Victorian home, but on one occasion, we found evidence of the presence of a mouse.  Bill set a trap and caught the critter.  This happened just before he was scheduled to go out of town on a business trip.  There was discussion among the children about my aversion to mice.  This stemmed from my father terrorizing me as a child by chasing me while holding a dead mouse by the tail.  I have no idea why he thought it was funny.  In any event, my kids wondered, what would Mom do if there was a mouse while Dad was gone?  Our son, who was about nine years old at the time, declared he would handle it.

Our son was not a macho man.  He was a …well…he was a cute little nerd boy.  He loved math and geography and sports statistics.  Eventually, he would start college at the age of 13, so he was not the type one would expect to bravely handle a mouse.

A couple of weeks later, my husband was in town, but he was at work.  One of my daughters, who was in her early 20s, was sitting in the living room and began to scream.  “There’s a mouse in here.  He’s sitting right here looking at me!”

I was in the kitchen and replied, “You’re not expecting me to come in there, are you?”

My son was in the downstairs bathroom just off the kitchen.  He came flying out of the bathroom, stopped at the back door to slip on his shoes, and ran to the living room.  He moved so quickly that the mouse did not see him coming, and he stomped on it killing it instantly.

Meanwhile, my daughter had her feet pulled up in the chair, and was shrieking, “I can’t believe he did that!  I can’t believe he did that!”

Being squeamish, I didn’t want him to handle the germy mouse, so I told him to kick it off the carpet onto the hardwood floor, and we’d leave it for his Dad to handle when he got home from work.

I smile every time I think of my cute but geeky little blond boy rising to the occasion to “protect” us.

Reaching

Before I met you,

I believed you existed,

Somewhere beyond my reach.

 

And when I met you,

My heart beat faster,

Knowing you were within reach.

 

For over 50 years

We circled and danced

Passionately reaching.

 

Now you are gone.

And once again, you exist

Somewhere beyond my reach.

 

And yet, I can’t let go.

My heart and mind keep stretching

Into a soundless void…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Reaching…

As in Adam All Die

As in Adam all men die,

So shall I pass through that veil,

Travel down the darkened path,

The rendezvous that none can fail.

 

Some I love have passed before,

Leaving me behind to cry,

Repeating to myself with grief,

“As in Adam all men die.”

 

But those who belong to Christ,

In a victory complete,

Will live again with Him.

Death crushed beneath His feet.

 

From I Corinthians 15:22-27

Gifting Greatness

This time of year, my mailbox is absolutely jam packed with catalogs and various promotional materials.  Any company with which I have ever had contact thinks I am likely to purchase a Christmas gift from them.  It is true that years ago when I was home-schooling my children, I began to do much of my shopping via catalogs.  It was easier than trying to find time to shop in a store when I had very little time away from the kids.  These days, the catalogs help me to make decisions before I shop online.

One of the pieces I received recently was from Omaha Steaks.  It says, “Achieve Gifting Greatness.”   So evidently, if I order some “perfectly aged, tender steaks” for someone, there is a chance I too can achieve gifting greatness.

But actually, there is only one who ever achieved gifting greatness in giving a gift at Christmas time.  God Himself gave the ultimate gift with the Incarnation of Christ in the form of a helpless baby.  He entrusted this gift to a humble couple whom He judged by their hearts not by appearance or status.  The gift was not for them alone, it was for all of us.  He gifted them with a baby.  He gifted the world with a Savior.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.”  John 3:16 NIV

He has given the gift, but we each need to individually receive it.  If you have never accepted His Great Gift, do it now!

Staring at the Sun

Two days ago, there was a solar eclipse which was clearly visible to many people in the United States.  I saw pictures of people looking at this event with special glasses.  It caused me to remember a previous solar eclipse which my son, who was in home-schooling at the time, got to watch through the glass on a welder’s helmet.  In contrast, a physics teacher I knew, who had carefully prepared his class to view not the sun itself, but the image created on the back of a pinhole camera, was informed by the school administration that he could not take his class outside to view it.  They were afraid of their liability if some student should think he or she could get away with looking directly at the sun.

Most of us know instinctively that it is not wise to stare at the sun, although we have probably stolen a glimpse when there is enough cloud cover to chance it. There have been cases of people who have blinded themselves by looking directly at it for something other than a quick glance.  It does fascinate us!  This great ball of fire is a part of our daily lives, and we are totally dependent on it.  It is the ultimate source of our energy…not just the obvious solar energy, but all energy.  The sun’s energy was captured by photosynthesis in plants which we eventually release by burning wood, coal, peat, oil or gas.  The movement of the wind comes from unequal heating.  Nuclear power copies the reactions on the surface of the sun.

We accept that we cannot stare at the sun, but we do not think enough about the one who created it, and whose power is greater.  The one who is the source of all life and who dwells in unapproachable light.  I Timothy 6:15-16  God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see.

We can not stare at the sun without an appropriate shield, and we cannot approach God without something/someone between us.  Approaching a holy God in our sinful condition causes not only blindness, but death.  (Exodus 33:20 …no one may see me and live.)  This was the purpose of Christ coming to earth and dying in our place.  Now when we approach God, it is with Christ, our mediator, our shield, between us. 

Hebrews 4: 14-16 …since we have a great high priest…Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess….Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

By the miracle of God’s grace and Christ’s sacrifice, God does not blind us or strike us down when we approach Him.

If we cannot stare at the sun without an appropriate shield, we certainly cannot approach the Creator of the sun without the blood of the Son between us.  If you have not acknowledged your need of Jesus Christ to be your personal Savior and Shield, do it today.  None of us knows when we will have to stand before the one who dwells in unapproachable light.

Severe Mercy

 When Bill died so unexpectedly and suddenly, a friend told me that God had granted me a "severe mercy."  I had heard the term before and knew what he meant.  I did not have to stand by watching Bill suffer as he died little by little from cancer or dementia.  The cardiac arrest was so abrupt, he didn't suffer any agonizing pain.  He slept until that moment.  When we decided we had to take him off the ventilator and let him go, there was wonderful hospice care available.

There is a level on which I know I should be grateful.  His passing in this way was God's gift to both of us.  I recognized immediately that God had made it as easy on me as possible.  I was near family and friends who were supportive.  I was done with the school year except for one last day, and I had "happened" to leave an open book quiz on my desk.  When he was transferred to a hospice never having regained consciousness, our apartment was only a block away, easing the stress of those final three days as he quietly slipped away.

However, I have felt Bill's loss...his absence from my life...so keenly, that I have struggled to maintain the gratitude.  It is one thing to recognize God's hand in the process, and another to come to grips with the situation as part of God's long range plan for His glory and our good.

It has been 15 months and 5 days since he breathed his last breath.  Fifteen and a half months since we had our last conversation.  I don't remember much of the last day he was conscious.  I think the trauma of the cardiac arrest wiped out some of my memory of the prior day, but I do remember that last day talking with him about the upcoming running events for which he had registered.  He had just run 6 miles and was evaluating how he would do the next week at the National Senior Games.  We had no idea where he would actually be a week later, and that he would be running his final race.

I am doing my best to focus on being grateful for the "severe mercy."  I know God understands my sorrow, but that He sees the big picture which is hidden from me.